Before there was you, it was just me

I am sure many can relate to the feelings of loneliness that abate when a loved one is away

My body feels exposed, you’re not near

 

My heart is pounding, it’s far too clear

 

My breath icy cold, the image in the air

 

Loneliness all around, more than I can bear

 

My thoughts are loud, they won’t rest

 

This room is still, but so repressed

 

Before there was you, it was just me

 

There wasn’t silence, or even tranquility

 

I wasn’t born, but wasn’t about to perish

 

No room for love, or anything to cherish

 

You came like a storm, shocked me to life

 

But it’s touch and go, it causes such strife

 

Sleep no more, only when you’re here

 

Your heart pounding, it’s beat so dear

 

Your breath gives life, and this I swear

 

Serenity in your arms, without a care

 

Our thoughts are shared, I confess

 

Life breathes eternal, we are blessed

 

A time before us, I no longer see

 

Cling to a moment, hope for eternity 

Author's Note

I wrote this little impromptu poem to describe my feelings this night, it is not perfect or meant to be. Appreciate feedback. The second part obviously plays off the prose from the first.

Reviews

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"Serenity in your arms, without a care"

I liked the feel of this piece. It really is the voice of so many of us. That feeling of being incomplete without your loved one is clearly depicted here.

Well expressed emotions and quite neat rhyming too..

[Honourbrite]

thank you yumnaKay. I am not always clean with my rhymes, but enjoy the challenge of finding a word that matches with the one preceding, and still holds relevant to the sentence structure... for some words it proves a major challenge... such as cherish and parish... find two other words without losing the content of your poem! LOL. Thanks for reading!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah yeah it really is a challenge sometimes. I tend not to rhyme that much 😛
You're welcome, Hb! A pleasure reading 😊

[Honourbrite]

Do you feel consistent rhyming is a hindrance to successful poetry or it somehow suppresses emotion? I have always been a writer, but have written more essay based work, short stories, flirted with novels, and song lyrics. Acutual poetry has been a shot in the dark for me... I like the challenge, and enjoy clever rhymes in reading so have always felt drawn to them. Just curious to hear your thoughts objectively

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I probably am not the best person when it comes to technical aspects of poetry 'cause I'm a newbie myself lol.. But since you asked..
I do feel rhymes come in the way of expressing your thoughts clearly, so much so that one can easily stray off the subject.
The pieces I have wrote in rhyming words are nothing but wordplays lol so probably it was easier for me to write then. I find free verse and free style more to my liking.

[Honourbrite]

I appreciate your candor. I am by no means an expert with poetry, but do enjoy reading it. I never used to, in my youth it was always something I felt was contrived and overly emotive. LOL- imagine that.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah yes I can imagine that abs. 'Cause I was like this a few months back lol 😛

[Kesha]

Wow you can really feel the pain in this one, the missing and the love for sure. It is difficult to be without your loved one no matter how long the moment. My favorite line was this one: "You came like a storm, shocked me to life" that one really seems to speak to me. Nicely penned.

[Honourbrite]

thank you ahsek. Yes, I have often written how this romance was like an electric shock, but with it comes all the aftermath of such dramatic efforts, and without it one feels uncharged. Glad you could relate!

[Kesha]

You are very welcome :)