CALL ME GUILTY

This was inspired by the soulful artist Jazmine Sullivan..and her song "call me guilty"

Sweat trickled across her distant mind…slowly rolling down her high cheeks. Her lips burned from the trauma of his impact..this wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last time she was considered an object to this man…a punching bag for his own frustrations. Her face tensed up, ears burning, tears spilled from her desperate eyes as she looked at her horribly bruised face in the mirror.

The thought of his tender deep voice rumbled through her. She was once forgiving. But tonight;tonight called for vengeance. The chrome 24 was in the draw. She stumbled as each step forced pain. He was there at the set, taking in images filling his mind with more misguided views. She picked the phone and listened to the tone, she dialed an familiar number.

“[Dialogue:]
[Jazmine:] Mom
[Mom:] What's the matter Jaz?
[Jazmine:] He did it again. He hit me.
[Mom:] He did what? Calm down ok. Calm down.
[Jazmine:] I'm a kill him
[Mom:] Listen to me
[Jazmine:] I'm a kill him. I know I'm a kill him.
[Mom:] Listen to me. Get your stuff and come home.
[Jazmine:] I can't come home. I'm a kill him. I'm a do it.”

                As she slammed the phone on the receiver she knew what her next move would be.  No more thinking. There was no escape from his arrogance, his jealousy, he owned her. There was only one way out….

 

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Author's Note

Reviews

[Jay. E. V.]

I love this. Absoultely love this. Abuse is a hot button of mine. I think it's time we fixed that no reviews thing tonight;D.
You could make the dialogue much more intense through some clever descriptions such as "Her mother could almost feel her daughters heavy breaths as she drew in and out" Or something like that over the phone=D. IF NOT its perfect how it is=) but experimenting with some descriptive phrases could add some power if you wanted it. LOVE, PROPS!

[DeeVa]

Wow, this hit home. Brought back alot of memories of my past that I thought I had buried. Your story made me literally cry for my own pain & for the women/girls going through the same torment. What do you do when your the best you can be for him, and its still not enough? How do you stop yourself from trembling in fear everytime you hear his key in the door because you know what's to come? For myself it's been 25 yrs & I had to run from my hometown that I loved to get away, he found me & I ran again & finally another woman took his life, but I can never go back to my hometown anymore because even though he's gone I'm still afraid of him being there.
God be with you *hugs*

[Kaylor Mason]

Whoever the man was, he should learn to never turn his back on an abused woman; especially when he is the abuser . . . it's like turning your back to an angry wounded tiger . . . this jackass of a man doesn't have much self-preservation, does he?

[Damita Taylor]

You know the sad thing is that this is the truth, you are really throwing salt on open wounds. I just wish people could see that there is a better way.

[Max_E_Stone]

Whoa!! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Awesome job!

[Allie]

Absolutely brilliant writing here. So much emotion in such a small amount of words. Being a survivor of abuse this really captivated me and sucked me in to where I couldn't even blink until I read it all. Great job!

[timmmmmmsardga]

I like it! I just think that you could be more descriptive of her face. The only real description is "her horribly bruised face." I think you could add more detail. Add some colour? Maybe some swelling?
" tears welled up and spilled from her desperate eyes as she studied her swollen, purple face in the mirror. She could feel the heat emanating off of her new battle wounds."
Something like that? I think it adds more power. But I still enjoyed it!

[Kaya]

This is really well written. You've really caught the train of thought, and brought her mindset forward for the reader. Personally, I would love to see some more of her emotions in there, just to further the plot and make her that tiny bit easier to relate to, but really the story was a pleasure to read.

[AK]

Nice piece! I loved your style of writing! The chocie of words was good too. Keep writing!