Sensual Nature..Collab with Jayren

An erotic tale between two lovers...we did a pretty good job :)

POEM:

Sitting on the dock of his bay..

pinicing my fish fillet..

causing currents, warm oceans waves

Quakes shift me into seas

With sensations I could not believe...

lying on my back, trasfixed on her form

I gave her a gift with my tongue

She was getting cold feet so I wramed them with my hands

but yet I couldn't control them, as they became possessed by her body

broad shoulders support a healty figure

resting a cool mind, while you hold me tenderly

Liquids exchange and our bodies are Filters..

Flowing through every nerve ending...

                          Eyes watering at the surge of sensation

Electric current running through the air between us

worshiping her curves asif they were aphrodite

 

 I bray and challange any volcano to match the passoin we've helped create .

Author's Note

PLEaSE CRITQUE :).. callab with my friend Jayren

Reviews

[TheSweet]

I see so much of this type of writing, but this one was different - for which I'm very thankful :) I like the way nothing is too obvious, there are phrasesthat are merely concepts or suggestions of what's happening and that sends the intimicy to a higher level. That being said, I think there could have been more to this poem, it did feel like it moved on a little quickly.

Thanks for sharing :)

[Lily Mae]

This was wonderful..some of my favorite writes have been collabs.. Well done and hot :) xo

[The White Wolf]

Nice collaboration :) You guys did a very nice job producing some steam! Like the others said below, just a few typos and stuff. Overall, nice work!

[Monica]

This is beautiful! You both did a great job writing! There are a few grammatical errors, but it does not take away from the passion put into this poem.
Great write and thank you for sharing :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

"Liquids exchange and our bodies are Filters..
Flowing through every nerve ending...
Eyes watering at the surge of sensation
Electric current running through the air between us
worshiping her curves asif they were aphrodite"~~this Stanza emanates the passion... nice collaboration! :)

(healty)- misspelled
*healthy

[Crystal Marie Dreier]

You and Jayren put together a lovely piece! I loved this one a lot and you can see the love they have for each other.