Searching for Silence

Anywhere else is where I'll be,

Not that I'll bother trying to find me,

The thought, the fears that linger here,

I'll wash away with my last tear.

A voice shouts out in a crowded place,

Not heard by another member of the Human race,

It echoes round my crowded mind,

A harsh reminder of the peace I'll never find.

I lay my head down to rest,

Another day gone and I still didn't do my best,

Tomorrow again, I will try to stand my ground,

To quell the voices and their riotous sound.

Reviews

[NITHIN PURPLE]

i felt you are irritated to hard metal like sound!! ok find your rest its great!! may be tomarrow the success comes!! writing style good

[TLK]

Nearly everything about this poem is tight and sound. Grammar, punctuation, spelling.

One thing to look at is the meter of the lines. Line four is too short when I read it aloud, but not too noticeably (to me). However, lines 6 and 8 definitely seem too long. Reading "I'll never find" definitely feels two syllables too long.
I'm no expert on this, but I've had a quick read of this page (http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/meter.html) and I feel that you start off closest to what this page says is "trochaic tetrameter". Line 8 is definitely not anywhere near this, and definitely reads oddly to me.

After looking at the actual rhythm and meter, though, what do I get from this poem? Certainly enough to want to help you improve it. You manage to echo a whole human world inside one head, and show how totally we are affected by each other. The last hope of resolution has an ironic twinge to it -- and reminds me of the quote "no man is an island".

Welcome to the 'site.