Resolution

Written Thursday 18th June 2009.

We watched the thunderstorm from your car window.
Drip drop.
I watched as the rain painted the brick walls and streaked
The windscreen, splitting. And joining. And splitting like cells.
And joining again into thousands of little majestic rivers.
I imagined each had a little bridge. Each with it's own
Personal troll living under it.  
Through the raindrops on the window, the carpark lights
Distorted and stretched into beams, piercing the sky
Like an arrowshaft.

And the sky, well it reflected in your eyes, as the raindrops
Ricoshetted  
Off the tarmack, bouncing, deflecting and
Joining one another in creating debauched, inverted waterfalls
My Love for you illuminated by pale lightening as we
Neglected a new pack of cigarettes in favour of gazing in wonder
At the glittering grey floor.  
You got out to take a better look, I bet the air smelled like clean tarmack.
I imagined,

That just over the wall, the flower gardens revelled
In their refreshment,  
Becoming new again. Diamond drop laden. Dancing.
They're cleansed now. Beneath the thunder rolling on into
The night sky, before us. Ethereal, is what I called it.
I wondered if the flowers could match the beauty of their
Natural watering-can.
I thought of them as I observed your wet coat, they were washed,
In time for the summer skies.
And so were we.

Reviews

[Bertie]

A lovely, delicate little poem; the whole thing feels like a single rain drop... I wonder if perhaps you could include more of the sensory in it..perhaps something about how the rain felt on your skin, dripping off your eyelashes and running down your back and between your breast, something to link the figures in the poem even closer to the rain...But these are just thoughts of mine and I am in no way diminishing what is a wonderful poem, thank you and well done ! :) x

[Sujash I. Purna]

I hardly ever came across such poetry. This is amazing. A very curious point of view.


"And the sky, well it reflected in your eyes, as the raindrops
Ricocheted"

The loveliest line!

[Jasmine]

This is truly beautiful ... Your stream of consciousness is exquisite, the imagery original and engaging. There's something special about rain...!
Thanks for reviewing :-)

[Alessander]

And joining again into thousands of little majestic rivers.

the carpark lights
Distorted and stretched into beams, piercing the sky
Like an arrowshaft.

I think you did a better job of description in this one. I esp liked those two.
You have recurring symbols, imagery, themes... cigarettes, stars, rain, night, cities...it makes me feel like I'm in a film noir flick.

I would prob get rid of the last line, but that's just me.