I Love You Lots Like Jellytots

Written February 8th 2009.

If I turn over the cigarette, it's almost at letters. Walk home. It's freezing. I'd walk home if I could believe me but I never really knew where home was. Home to me is where guitar chords resound to the sound of lying on the ground where my whole being becomes elemental and profound. Breathe in the smoke. Breathe out the Zinfandel. A limbo of ecstasy.

Stars shine. Kids sleep but I'm still at a loss to knowing who I really am and which actual perceived tragedy brought me here to lie side by side with myself and my alcoholism.

You turn your key in so many ways, just like when you turned my head when I pretended you didn't. Mellow coffee anticipation rock 'n' roll long-haired t-shirt bliss. Bliss. Bliss. Bl-iss. Pregnancy test black pen internet blues. Please tick the box that applies to you the most. Your fragrance reminds me of the summer that hasn't yet been and the jealousy that never will be.

'Stay awake because I'll be lonely',
I wish you'd never said it because now I'm inclined to deprive myself eternally of bed rest. And all the times you gave me your coat or outstretched your arms because I was cold I longed to trace the freckles on your abdomen and admire your nose just like a piece of art in a pretentious museum, where a tilt of the head is emblematic of intelligence.

Strands of hair and zebra print and blue quilt covers contribute to an overwhelming sense of comfort. And yes I am overwhelmed. Pins and needles never felt so good and cantene food never tasted so sapid. I always worry I'll get eyemakeup on your neck but no worry sweetheart tomorrow we'll just order more takeaway or I'll watch as you climb into your loft like a spider to retrieve a little piece of childhood that we can both enjoy. And maybe the next day we'll share sweets behind the back of the shop again. Or maybe I'll drown myself in your coat feeling the snowflakes settle in my hair. Maybe I'll just sit and bathe in that look of child-like excitment you seem to don sometimes.  

Come Summer we'll maybe stop hibernating and embrace the grass and the moonlight and the drousy afternoons, but right now I've never been so susceptible to the beauty of winter and you should know that's all your fault. Yes. All of it.  

Oh how I Love that left dimple.

Reviews

amazing write! i enjoyed this

[Lafayette]

Very nice I like this a lot. L