I should be so lucky!

Antichrist

Quote

To everything theirs is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven… A time to love, a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.                 (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 8)

Preface

Some things in life have to end where they start. Life isn’t easy,  I of all people should know this, but there is one thing harder; love. You see love is difficult. It may be beautiful and magic but most the time it’s just hard work. There are two types of love in the world; love that destroys and love that protects and creates- but sometimes your dealt the wrong hand. Do you know the strangest thing about love though? We are its destroyers. In life we have options and sometimes you’ve got to look beyond your own wants, love is selfless. So some things have to end where they start, but there’s a hell of a journey in between!

Chapter 1

I Should Be So Lucky!

Great, I had thought to myself. Yet another week of school yet another week of hell. This fact was made none the better by the bright orange orb outside my window. The sun!

It was a known fact that this deadly omen brought happiness. Right now you must be thinking me an unbearable grouch but let me explain myself before you start making heavy assumptions. So I ask you, what always entails happiness? Why of course, cockiness! This is especially bad if your name is Laila Reynolds the ‘weirdo’ of the class. It couldn’t be said that my baggy clothes and fly away hair exactly enticed people in and my being in a care home certainly didn’t help matters. Wasn’t it bad enough no one wanted me?

Now at 15 years old I didn’t have a single friend to my name. The lonely girl of the Scottish moors. A cold desolate place that wasn’t often bathed in a warm yellow light. I was often reminded if an old England when I peered through my window, which opened onto the lovely hilly, moors I spent many a day rambling about on. The perfect setting to read a book, I often got so involved in them I had to remind myself of their fiction. If only I could belong to a world like that. I often think I should have. But no. I was stuck here. Alone. It was like I was never destined to be happy, like a tight belt strapped across my chest was the only thing holding me insignificant life together, but everyday it seems to be constricting tighter and tighter around me. I feel sure it can’t be long before I explode into millions of tiny embers!

So now you can see what problems even a bit of sun caused my damned existence. Why had I been created just be hated, what was the point? My mind is very inquisitive but why can’t I be intellectual enough to answer my own woes?

A gasp escaped my mouth. The time. It was 8:00, and I was bound to be late, again! This was the third time in two weeks. It was literally as If I didn’t exist. They didn’t even notice I wasn’t in the minivan. Well great. C’est live as they say. Well, I can’t just lay here and dote on the fact that not a soul in the world, even my so called carers, cared in the slightest about me.

I ran a comb through my wild untamed curls in vain. Eventually I gave in, and after getting dressed ran to the door, not stopping to take a single glance in the mirror. I’d lived here for three years now, moved from a place down south for no apparent reason, yet I still got lost in these windy corridors. I let out a sigh of relief when I caught sight of the stairs, but it my haste to get to them I missed the first all important step. My vision soon became a blur of brown curls and, Red. Red? Why on earth could I see red? And that’s when the pain set in…

Not now was all I could think. The warmness that spread across my face didn’t bother me in fact it felt quite nice. I realised this wasn’t right and hastily sprung up. Just what I needed! I decided it more prudent to ignore this minor injury and carry about my business. So doing nothing but grabbing a towel I ran out the door.

I received many strange looks at school not that this isn’t usual. First one of shock then disgust. Now the disgust I was used to, but not so much the shock. Due to my speedy running I had made it to school five minutes early, so feeling incredibly self conscious I rushed to the toilets.

What awaited me was something that seemed to have been taken right of a horror movie. My flushed face even more red due to the flecks of red, my hair in clumps of dried blood and a tangled mess. My brown eyes alert and hyperactive not wanting to stay still. My freckles virtually nonexistent thanks to the smeared blood that had congregated around my nose. And just to top it all off all this had mingled with the sweat my run had caused. I let out a small groan. No wonder people were looking, I scared myself! Grabbing a hand full of water I began scrubbing. Though this also seemed to be in vain I carried on. It’s almost as if I was trying to scrub away my face, my life

Eventually I emerged out of the toilets with an extremely red face and drenched hair and also, as always, at a sprint. Oh god after all that I was going to be late for my first lesson and that teacher terrified me. Mrs Turner, the very name sent shiver coursing through my body. Finally I reached English and to my relief found that the teacher hadn’t yet arrived. I threw open the door and hastily tried to make my way to my chair, alone, at the back but not before I could receive my greeting.                             “If it isn’t the skank, we were all hoping you fell into the ditch, but by the looks of you, you managed to drag yourself out. Shame!”

Rose Clark, the most beautiful girl in the class, but with the nastiest most vindictive personality I have ever encountered in my rather perceptive life. Of her beauty there was no doubting, the saying that ugliness shines through certainly doesn’t count for her. With her eyes of the lightest blue and hair of the palest blond gave her the effect of an angel, not the devil she kept well hidden inside. A wolf in sheep’s clothing I think the saying goes.

Blushing profusely, I quickly made my way to my chair. Trying not to let it show the searing pain her words had inflicted upon me, and trying to bite back the tears which were making my eyes sting. This was one of them moments I felt the belt tightening.                                     “The teacher will be here soon, just hold on” I mumbled to myself, but of course people like Rose just can’t let it go.                                   “What are you mumbling about freak? It’s not like anyone cares about you.” She looked about the classroom as if daring anyone to contradict her, which, of course, they didn’t. “See, you’re an unloved, unwanted little orphan who doesn’t have anyone. How could anyone love a runty thing like you?”

Ouch. The belts snapped. I can feel every bit of me ebbing away. Until I’m nothing. Not a person. Just a shell, an empty shell.

Life. What is it? I’ve certainly never had one. Why? No one knows. All I have ever wanted in my life is to be loved, even by just one person, but no. Even when I was young I was never happy, always different. I don’t have a clue how long I’ve been in this closet. 2 hours? Who cares? All I remember was pain, a pain far outweighing another other pain a single person could endure without going mental. I literally felt myself falling apart. Each part that broke away bringing up excruciating memories and hopes I had tried so long to hide. Why me? How my life would have been if I was… accepted? If I had a family, a mum I could go home to and would comfort me after a bad day. Someone to hold me…

But now? Nothing. I don’t know what’s worse; the pain or the… emptiness. It was if the thing that had dragged me on through life had vanished. Poof! And now… it’s as if… I can’t carry on. Like my life had lost the little reason it had to. But I couldn’t not… could I?

That’s when it clicked, I could! It was if everything in my life had been leading to this. My death! Instead of being worried or scared I was… happy. Scrap that, euphoric! It wasn’t like before, I would never be whole again, but it was something. Like a light at the end of the tunnel and mine was blindingly bright. A smile escaped my lips in the first time in what felt like years. And my mind was already eagerly counting down the last few hours of my life!

                       

Author's Note

its depressing atm i know, but it will cheer up!