Our Night

Don't be afraid..
I'm here.
Do not feel betrayed.
For I am here.
I'm going to turn off the light.
That shines too bright.

 

We'll go out at night.
The moon will disappear.
It will fade away,
My dear.
The darkness of the night.
Will turn pitch black.

And we won't have to holdback..

 

Your face,
I won't be able to see.
Our feelings will glow.
Can you see the view?
Open your heart.
You'll see it, even though it's dark..
I promise I'll treasure what you have given me.
I'll embrace it.

What we have is beautiful.
With our chalks,
We'll draw all night.
Until the sun rises.
I'll be gone.

You'll wake up..
Missing something,

that I've promised to embrace.

Author's Note

Review please.

Reviews

[carmz]

i love the last line..

this is the best thing i wanna do!!! embrace the one whom i missed

[kaylynnmelody♥]

An awesome write! You're an awesome writer!

[angelina]

I like this piece of poem. It's like the person, is guiding the one that is fearful of what can be. It expresses something so strong it can destroy, yet still wanting to give that something to the other yet in this case so it wont be lethal, in a small dosage. A very nice piece.
angelina

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

To me this seems to be a poem of reassurance, it's almost as if the narrator is trying to encourage a fragile and timid love.

When you write lines such as, "I'm going to turn off the light that shines too bright" and "your face I won't be able to see" I'm reminded of a story such as Beauty and the Beast. There's something forbidden or taboo about this love and it's almost like the night must be a mask.

The other strong theme I detect is, as previously mentioned, reassurance - although what the reason behind this might be is left something of a mystery. Has her lover been hurt before as in the line, "Do not feel betrayed"? Or is it fear of rejection, "I promise I'll treasure what you have given me"? Whatever it might be she clearly wants her love to know how she'll go to any lengths to ensure him that he can love her without fear.

Structurally this poem uses free verse but I'm wondering if it might be better as prose or tightened up more to obey a particular poetic form. The reason for saying this is that the size of the stanzas don't seem to relate too closely. Perhaps I'm being just a little too picky!

On the whole this is a nice piece of work.

[Victoria Everly]

This is simply beautiful. Well written and full of emotion. It speaks softly but makes it's point loudly. Once again this is simply beautiful. I really enjoyed this.

[No use.]

gonna have enigmatic lingerings of the last lines ~ darkly sacred and kindred ~ effect successful :)

[Omar Fendri]

it's simply beautiful and the last stanza is breathtaking...simply written + perfect imagination... this is an artistry !

[.shalynn.009.]

Quite a lovely poem, which celebrates the beauty of darkness and night. Makes me think that the darkness represents a forbidden love or friendship. The way it read, with the loose rhyming structure, really made it have an easy beat and rhythm, like a song that you speak. The last three lines were my favorite, because they reinforced that idea that the love is perhaps forbidden, and carried out only in the imagination, or dreams. Because it followed the waking of the subject rather than the speaker, however, it doesn't leave the reader with a feeling that the love is one-sided.

You're a pretty good poet, with a different take on things. I enjoy reading your work, and I'm glad You Owe You Pay sent me an RR for this. Keep writing.

[Lucid Smile]

This is a good piece, i like how its so gentle, it kinda goes with the flow. its happy but sad. happy becuase its nice to spend time with the one you love but sad to wake up and find that your love is missing :(. but this was truly a beautiful piece of art. good job.

[Stripes]

This is really great. I like how it evolves throughout the piece. Awesome