Sunset

I get depressed whenever it's sunset time. I dunno why, do all people feel the same?

"I can't take it."
I murmerred to myself.
Being locked up in this room.
I can't escape.
My biggest doom.
Day's end.
When the sun starts to bend.
The moon's turn to appear.
My biggest fear.
I clutch my chest.
As if, I'm falling off a nest.
Waiting, and waiting.
For the sun to set.
Waiting,
Trying to let,
The worst point of my day,
Go away.

Author's Note

Review please.

Reviews

[Mauricio Montoya]

I see some tough emotin here, but I like the rhythm and rhyme that brings this piece together.
Great job well done.

[Michael Jarrell]

Haha. I'm a huge fan of weird things... like this poem. It's so true though. I can totally relate... which makes me laugh in a sad way. haha

[Undying Glory]

you know this was really nice work, i sure enjoyed this one! the irony of this poem sure intrigued me, as normally people enjoy those sunsets, but here i sure like your very unique viewpoint of depression. awesome work!

[Deviant Works]

Brief yet filled with wonderful imagery. I could picture you standing near a window, watching as the sun set, clutching a hand to your chest in fear of the night. I embrace darkness, as much as I embrace the warmth of the sun. Very nice read, Roxanne.

[George Love]

I can see depression from short days, a disturbed mind wanting peace, and it does tilt towards the disturbing side a bit. Well written work.

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

This confused me alittle, but well done~

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

This poem walks the boundary between being quirky and being disturbing. That may sound like a strange combination but somehow it works as we have very fragmentary sentences that judder along but the appearance and equally abrupt disappearance of a very simplistic AB rhyme scheme gives it a momentarily calming simplicity.

The subject matter is well chosen. Particularly at this time of year when the sun seems to briefly crawl over the horizon, cling in the sky just a few inches off the ground and then collapse back for the day. What is not so well executed is that the odd nature of the poem is a little spoiled by the “falling off a nest line”. It’s the kind of line that might sit in a cheap greetings card just to make the rhyme work. It would be much more effective to go for something bizarre, something like the “when the sun starts to bend” line. This would match the rest of the poem much better.

This poem is as raw as it is quirky. Please write more and don’t be afraid to write as weird as you can – it’s clearly a style that suits you!

[Frantzuu]

Lovely piece of writing. Keep it up friend! :D

[James Paulin]

Winter sunsets are the worst with shorter days and long cold nights. I think you could go further with this poem by alluding to internal or psychological passages. I thought you might have been doing that at first but you could still extend and elaborate if the idea appeals to you. you could also consolidate the piece into a social statement. I like the poem the way it is but I love poems that have multiple interpretations.

[Cherrie Palmer]

ps I love the changing of the sky from sun-up to sun-set