Make a stand

This really isn't a story so much as a rant.

Everyone wants to be accepted but doesn’t accept. Everyone says they want to be understood, but don’t understand. It’s a one way street on a four lane highway. Every day I try to be a little better, a better version of myself than yesterday. It’s hard to see progress, hard to measure the line in the sand when you’re buried in stress. Stress, the killer of all good things. It pushes us away from our goals, our personal growth. It cuts our roots and tries to plant us somewhere else.

A man I used to work with was always in a great mood, always smiling, always friendly. The kind of person everyone gravitated towards due to his good nature. One day he told me about his dishwasher falling apart and flooding his kitchen, his hot water heater going the very next day, and this all happened when we both knew he was on the proverbial chopping block at work.

Since we had been work friends for a few years I felt comfortable asking how he stayed so positive. Part of me wondered if he was pushing it away, ignoring it. He said that like everyone else, he got upset. He swore, he pulled his hair out, then he formed a plan on how to fix the situation. He said everyone needs time to process and vent, to get the negativity out. Being positive is a healthy habit. Wallowing in the negative is easy, we all know how negative self-talk can be easier to believe than lifting yourself up. Becoming a positive person is like working your muscles out in the gym, it takes time and consistency to see results. No one is responsible for you going but yourself, but you can’t sit back and become lazy and complacent and wonder why things aren’t working out.

At some point we all have to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. We must own up to our faults and weaknesses, it’s a part of growing up. But why isn’t it a part of our growing up to learn how to push forward? I’ve spent my fair share around Reiki Masters who are fit, at peace, in love with the world and everything in it, and their response has always been closely related; “You receive what energy you put out there. If you’re always negative and filled with anger that is what you’ll receive.” I asked if that meant nothing bad ever happened to them, knowing it was a silly question but I wanted the answer nonetheless. “Of course bad things happen. But instead of seeing it as bad things always happen to you and nothing goes your way, see it as there must be a balance at some point.”

It’s all in how we choose to handle it. That doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to go through the motions, but the question at the end is, do you let your negativity own you? Define you?

I’m resilient because I make the choice to not break down and use life’s hardships as an excuse to hurt myself or others. I cry, get frustrated, and want to give in to the darkness just as much as the next person, but I also push forward towards the sun. Albeit with a parasol in hand. I refuse to spend whatever time I have left on this earth in self-pity and negativity. I would rather surround myself with those who can share in my light and love, who we can lean on for support, who will be holding my hand when the sun comes out.