Mrs McGilvray's Minching Machine

Mrs McGilvray is a loner, the type of person that everyone in town knows but no one ever speaks to. Mrs McGilvrays passion is her mincing machine and she uses it to mince most any old thing

Have you ever seen someone mincing a cow?

I did once and I can tell you it’s foul.

Mrs McGilvray had a mincing machine

And she used it for mincing most any old thing.

She minced old tyres and the neighbour’s cat

A bike and a chair and a bag full of rats.

No one knows why she minced like she did,

But I heard a story she once minced a kid.

She lived down the street in a rundown old shack,

With a rusty old car and a dog out the back.

She minced in the night and she minced in the day

And she’d mince anything that got in her way.

She minced rotten pumpkins and two week old meat,

She minced my old sandshoes and a postman called Pete.

Then one day it happened, she looked all around

But there was nothing to mince anywhere to be found.

Not and old smelly shoe or a stale loaf of bread,

She had minced everything including her bed. 

The only thing left was the dog out the back

Asleep in the yard on a flea ridden sack.

She tried to catch him to mince him as well

But tripped on a rock and downward she fell.

Straight in the top of the mincing machine

And that was the end of her dog mincing scheme.

Now Mrs McGilvray has never been seen,

Since the day that she fell into her mincing machine.

But every so often in the darkness of night 

When everything’s silent and the moons shining bright,

You may hear a clunk or strange grinding sound

As the gears in her mincer spin slowly around.

But don’t be afraid it’s only the breeze

Wisping around as it blows through the trees.

Now if anyone asks you if a minced cow you’ve seen

You can tell them about the mincing the machine

That Mrs McGilvray used night and day

To mince everything that got in her way.

Just down the street in a rundown old shack

With a rusty old car and a dog out the back.