Heaven Doesn't Seem So Far Away Anymore.

Random poem I wrote.

Heaven doesn't seem so far away anymore.

when I'm holding you closer than anyone has before
I believe you've kept everything inside about how you feel
But your love doesn't hide when there's nothing to fear
I've counted the days before i met you
Multiplied it by 10 and that's how long I plan on staying together
It's amazing how clear you make me see
And now I know our love was an accident meant to be
You were the crash, I was the concrete
And we both came together in a single tragedy.

I believe with my entire being there's no one else like you on this planet
But now i realize angels don't come only after you've passed
You're the only one who's taken me to places no one's been before
And now that i have you heaven doesn't seem so far away anymore.

Author's Note

I was just feeling a little creative. Any good?

Reviews

[wicked.wanderer]

I feel horrible for this being the first thing I ever say to you, but no.
I do like this.
I don't like prose.
You pulled together a Hallmark poem.
This is prose.
There is a difference.
You have a sentiment behind it that helps guide it, although I felt your rhymes were forced and you'd have been better off choosing a free-style format rather than this 'poetic' format.
Your imagery and line structure were good; the particular line that caught my attention was "You were the crash, I was the concrete".
BEAUTIFUL imagery!
What would make this a poem would be to remove the sentence structure and make them lines.
I know that that makes no distinction between the two, but lines in poetry often don't have complete punctuation, a complete subject-verb-info structure, nor the feeling of an essay.
I hate chopping lines myself, and I'd rather you didn't edit this, because I think if you tried it would erase the sentiment that holds this together.
I'm just letting you know so in the future, if you're interested in rhyming format, you have a little guidance.
:]

[Lizanne]

This is a beautifully written work. Could even imagine this as a song. I like the part about you were the crash I was the concrete.

[charleybear]

i really enjoyed reading this. I liked it because to me it was really like reading a poem. I could see it as a note or a card you would write to one you love. I see it as non traditional, i know thats not a great explanation and i don't really know technical terms, but it was different. It was easy to read and wasn't overly slushy but it was deep at the same time. Thank you

[Sel Whiteley]

THat is a very sweet poem. Very passionate. Well-written. Is this an imagined or real happenstance? If it's real did you show it to the person, I'm sure they'd simply adore it!

[Serend1p1ty]

Great write friend.
This wasn't soppy or overly dramatic like many love poems.
Wonderfully written & how you tie it all up the title was wonderful.
Can't find any faults here, beautiful write.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[Akina]

really sweet poem, so emotional :)
good written.
thanks for sharing ;)

//Akina