Wedding Dress

 

I’m looking out over the dead garden

Ghost of what could have been

You looked like dusk in that wedding dress

I promised what I’ll never get the chance to say

 

Our child would laugh

You said he had my eyes

I swore they’ve got too much summer in them

They must be yours

He won’t ever be

He’ll never call you mother

 

Frost on the glass pane

I’ll leave a letter in the ash

When the rain turns to snow

Will she know?

I never meant to go

Reviews

[jdclytle]

this poem is good. i love the first two lines, they bring out the weight of seriousness as well assadness.

[Mark]

Odd, that Hollow man sent RR's of this to several of us, yet did not review it himself! Thanks are due nevertheless, as it is a gut-wrenching tale.
I was puzzled by the second stanza. Does "he won't ever be; he'll never call you mother" mean that you and she LOST a child (which may have contributed to the relationship's dissolution), or, that a planned child was never initiated?
I just wrote one a few weeks ago, bemoaning (albeit with some ironic humor) a relationship which dissolved unexpectedly. You may wish to look at "The Yester Ghost".
Lovely work. looking forward to reading more. Mark Teague

[Ruth]

This is beautifully lamentful:) All regret, remorse, doubt, heartache is ripped open here!
Great work xx

[em]

- this is an excruciating piece - it breaks the heart in a million places - into a million pieces - so palpable is the painful weight of these now dead dreams - that that last line - goes through the heart - it skins open any possibility of pretense - it evokes raw, bare, bone-deep pain -

i still haven't said goodbye
to the summer in your eyes
and the dusk of your
smile

as i watch you leave
for the thousandth time
your laughter hangs from walls
and your footsteps float in
with the wind from open windows

for the first time
i know
that this time
you're not coming back

and for the first time
i just don't want to
inhale you anymore

[Misty Blue Eyes]

nicely put together

[tshigg]

Good write! "I promised what I’ll never get the chance to say" I like the time mixture in this line past, present and future all in one line. Cool stuff.

[Emily B]

oh, wow!

amazing stuff here

The imagery in this was just breathtakingly beautiful.
Great emotion in this!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

great emotive impressions through the poetic~ imagery is absolutely spellbinding~

[Star Shaped Heart]

she prolly wouldnt care to know. thats what they do.