Just Like A Pill

You know those people that you get addicted to and you know its bad for you! they become this dangerous high that you feel you have to have! ya ha!

Once again I have failed
Failed to fall for you again

As I look deep into your eyes
My self control begins to die

Soon enough I find my self kissing you lips
I find myself holding your body

With one kiss I found myself
burrying all the hateful things you said into the bottom of my heart

I just wanted to beleive that you were the one. I wanted to feel your touch. I needed you kiss to mend my pain.

But every kiss added more pain then what was already there. I see you and I want to run away from the memories of how bad you hurt me.

I want you to be here with me but I cannot take all the pain that you endure in my heart.

I am so confused. I want to hate you.
You don't deserve me.

So why am I back in your arms?

~akaila evonne~

Reviews

[Katrina J. Ostrander]

The imagery is dulled, but that only adds to the internal monologue of the narrator. The contradictions, the paradoxes, the confusion all comes out clearly. My only suggestion is to take a look at your sentences: could they be clearer? What could you do to make them flow, and improve their rhythm? The ideas are there, but I feel like the language is a tad weak to convey the powerful emotions behind this piece.

[[untitled]]

I think this was a good piece but there are some errors in it. I think you need to proof read this piece, go back over it. Because for a message that strong, you want it to come out that way to the readers.

This section needs your help:
I just wanted to beleive that you were the one. I wanted to feel your touch. I needed you kiss to mend my pain.

But every kiss added more pain then what was already there. I see you and I want to run away from the memories of how bad you hurt me.

You will be surprise with how much can come out of you if you go over this piece again. Just know that the message behind it needs to be heard. I liked this one, truly.

[Brenda Sue]

Like a the struggle in this piece. The flow could be better but the message is clear. Wonderfully penned.