Rodney's Rabbit

A Stargate Atlantis fanfic I wrote as part of Experimental Fiction assignment for an Advanced Creative Writing class. Note: I don't usually write this stuff, so this is a one-off.

Rodney's Rabbit

           “Hello, Rodney.”
           Dr. Rodney McKay, astrophysicist and self-proclaimed indispensable genius of the Atlantis expedition, looked up from his laptop computer into his girlfriend's smiling brown eyes.  He was hard at work on some complex calculations to boost the power distribution in the jumpers, the expedition's shuttlecrafts.  Rodney was infamous for being a workaholic and sure enough, here he was in the Mess Hall, toiling away before the breakfast rush.  He was seated a table on the balcony outside that overlooked the vast expanse of the alien ocean world where the city of Atlantis was located.  It was a fine, clear day and Rodney had taken advantage of the good weather to work outside.  “Hello, Jennifer,” he replied, sounding a little brusque.  Jennifer frowned and Rodney forced a fast smile on his face.  “What can I do for you?”
           Dr. Jennifer Keller, Atlantis' Chief Medical Officer, pulled a large, fluffy purple rabbit out from behind her back and plonked it on the white table next to Rodney.  “Happy Valentine's Day, Rodney!” she declared.
           “What?” Rodney replied in confusion.  “Valentine's Day isn't for another week!”
           “Did you forget that I'm going to Earth to visit my dad next week?” she asked, sounding a little hurt.  “I won't be here, so I thought I'd bring you your present now.”
           “Oh, yes.  Uh,” he faltered.  “I, uh, your present is in my quarters.  Can I bring it to you later?”  Please, please, please say yes, he thought to himself.
           “Sure,” Jennifer replied and beamed at him.  She was about to say something else, but her radio crackled.  Everyone on Atlantis wore small radios with a built-in microphone in their left ears.  Jennifer tapped her earpiece to reply to the nurse who was radioing her.  “Keller here.”  She listened to the nurse's message and replied, “I'll be there in a few minutes.”  She turned to Rodney and explained, “There's an emergency in the Infirmary.  I'll be back as soon as I can!”  She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and scurried out of the Mess Hall.
           “Crap,” Rodney muttered to himself, dropping his head into his hands.  He'd forgotten all about Valentine's Day.  “What the heck am I going to do for a present?”
           No one was sitting at his table at the present time, only the fluffy rabbit.  Rodney eyed the thing.  It was about a foot tall and most of its fur was deep purple, except for a light violet circle on the animal's stomach.  The rabbit sported large ears that flopped down its back.  A violet fluffy tail adorned its backside and it held an enormous red satin heart between its paws.  Stitched on the heart in white letters were the words, “Some Bunny Loves You.”  What on earth had possessed Jennifer to give him such a ridiculous present?
           Rodney shook his head and went back to work, typing away at his laptop.  A feeling that he was being watched washed over him, causing him to glance up and look around the balcony.  He was alone.   His eyes slid down to the bunny sitting next to his computer.  The rabbit's giant, teardrop-shaped plastic eyes held a sappy, soulful expression that reminded Rodney of those freaky Precious Moments figurines that his sister had once collected.  God, he how he'd hated those things.  How could he have missed those terrible, sad eyes?  Rodney thrust a hand out and shoved the rabbit away from him, so that it faced the other direction.  Nodding in satisfaction, he went back to work.
           A few moments later, Dr. Carson Beckett wandered up to him carrying a breakfast tray.  The Scottish doctor asked, “Mind if I join you, Rodney?”
           Rodney grunted and waved a hand in Carson's direction, indicating that he didn't care.  Carson rolled his eyes as he sat down across from Rodney and muttered, “Right, good morning to you, too.” He picked up a knife and started cutting his bagel in half when he noticed the purple rabbit on the table sitting next to him.  Carson stared into the bunny's enormous eyes.  The rabbit stared back.  A chill ran up the doctor's spine and he shuddered.  “Rodney,” he said with care.  “Would you mind getting rid of the rabbit?  Only it's a wee bit creepy.”   
           “What?  Sure,” Rodney replied, distracted.  He turned the rabbit around so it faced outwards towards the rest of the tables and not at the two of them.
           “Thanks,” Carson told him, breathing an internal sigh of relief.  He wasn't sure why he found those eyes so disconcerting.  He went back to cutting his bagel in silence, since Rodney was concentrating on his work.
           Dr. Zelenka, Rodney's co-worker, wandered by toting his own breakfast.  Carson smiled and greeted him, “Good morning, Radek.  Care to join us this morning?  Don't mind Dr. McKay.  He's not feeling very conversational this morning.”  Dr. Zelenka nodded, the light flashing off the lenses in his round glasses.  He started to sit down, but then he spied the rabbit.  He stopped in mid-motion and stared at the bunny before he muttered something incomprehensible in Czech and hurried off to sit at a table by himself.
           Carson watched him go and frowned.  “Rodney?” he asked.
           Rodney grunted at him, completely engrossed in his calculations.
           “Rodney!” Carson demanded, reaching out a hand to slam the laptop shut on Rodney's hands.
           “Hey!  Ow!” Rodney complained, jerking his squashed hands out from the computer.  “What did you do that for?”
           “Because,” Carson said with patience, “I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you.  Where,” he asked, pointing to the purple bunny, “did the rabbit come from?  Or is putting up a creepy rabbit your way of keeping people away so you can work in peace?  I have to admit that it's brilliant.  Radek's scared stiff of it.”
           “Oh that?” Rodney asked, frowning at the back of the rabbit.  “That's Jennifer's idea of a Valentine's present.”
           A smile broke out on Carson's face.  “Well, that was rather sweet of her.  It's too bad that it's a bloody awful present!”
           Dr. McKay sighed.  “I couldn't agree with you more.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with the thing.”
           Colonel John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, and Ronon Dex all sauntered up to the table, carrying their breakfasts. They were part of Rodney's exploration team, known as SGA-1.  The three of them didn't seem to notice the rabbit as they swung into chairs next to Carson and Rodney.  “Morning, guys,” John greeted them before digging into his Captain Crunch cereal.
           Carson raised an eyebrow at John's breakfast.  “Captain Crunch, Colonel?”
           “I like the Crunchberries!” John answered, trying not to sound defensive.  “We started getting shipments of breakfast cereal from Earth while you were gallivanting across the Pegasus Galaxy being a one-man Doctors Without Borders.”
            “Did they ship Fruit Loops, by any chance?” Carson asked.  “I miss those.”
           “What,” Teyla interrupted, “is that​?”  Her tan colored face was screwed up in confusion as she pointed at the fluffy purple bunny.
           “Rodney's Valentine's Day present,” Carson told her.
           Teyla wasn't from Earth, but a planet called Athos.  She had lived and worked with the expedition for over five years and had visited Earth a few times, so she was familiar with the commonly celebrated holidays.  “Oh,” she replied, nodding in understanding.  “Is it supposed to be an animal?  Its eyes are...disturbing.”
           “It's a rabbit,” John told her.  “A small Earth animal, except they're not usually purple and their eyes are...well...not like those.”
           “Why can't I have a normal girlfriend?” Rodney complained, throwing his hands up in the air in irritation.  “One who gives me chocolate, or maybe a Batman comic?  But no, I happen to be in love with Dr. Sappy McSapperson and her weird taste in Valentine's gifts.”
           “That was uncalled for, Rodney,” Teyla chided him.  “Dr. Keller gave you the rabbit because she cares for you.”
           “But look at it!” he sputtered.  
           “I'd rather not,” John retorted.
             Everyone at the table, except for John, stared at the rabbit and a collective shudder ran through all of them.  “I've had enough of this,” grunted Ronon.  Like Teyla, he was not from Earth, but a planet called Sateda.  Before anyone could stop him, Ronon grabbed the rabbit, placed it on the metal balcony railing, pulled out his gun, and shot the bunny.  Bits of charred purple fur and stuffing flew all over the place, some of it dropping into the ocean hundreds of feet below.  One of the rabbit's eyes landed in Rodney's coffee cup with a splash, causing droplets of coffee to scatter onto Rodney's computer.
           “What did you do that for?” Rodney squealed, jumping up and grabbing some napkins from a table.
           “That thing was creeping me out,” Ronon replied.
           “Oh my god!  Jennifer's going to kill me!” Rodney moaned as he cleaned up the coffee.  “I'm so dead.”
           “Calm down, Rodney,” John said to him, relieved that the bunny was gone.  “I'm sure she'll understand.”
           Jennifer suddenly appeared at the table.  She took in the charred remains of the rabbit and then Rodney's guilty face.  “It wasn't me!” he squeaked, pointing at Ronon.  “He did it!”
           Dr. Keller knew that only Ronon's Satedan weapon could have caused that kind of damage to a stuffed toy.  A dark frown crossed her face as she turned and poked Ronon in the chest.  He towered over her, but he seemed cowed by the petite blond doctor's wrath.  “That,” she hissed, using her best angry physician voice that she reserved for only her most obstinate of patients, “was very rude.”  Ronon knew that voice only too well.  “I can't believe you ruined Rodney's present like that! It's a good thing that I have another one in my quarters!  I'll be right back.”  She stormed off in the direction of the residential area and returned a few minutes later with an identical rabbit, which she plopped onto Rodney's laptop.  “There,” she said.  “I have to get back to the Infirmary to check on my patient, but I'll see you soon.”  She grinned at Rodney and flounced away.
           Rodney looked at his team in despair.  “What am I supposed to do now?” he wailed, holding up the new rabbit by the tip of one ear as if it was infected with a contagious disease.  It spun slowly in his hand, its creepy eyes flashing at the team with cute malevolence.
           “You know, Rodney,” John said, running a hand through his spiky black hair in thought, “we discovered that volcano on M3R-T90 last week.  I think we should go back and take a closer look at it.”
           “What?  Why?” Rodney asked.
           “Further scientific research, of course,” John replied.  “And you should bring the rabbit for good luck, though it would be a damned shame if we got a little too close.”
           Understanding dawned on Rodney's face and he smirked.  “I'll get mission clearance from Mr. Woolsey,” he said, smacking his laptop closed and standing up.
           John also stood.  “Meet you in the jumper bay in thirty minutes.”  He rubbed his hands together.  “This is going to be fun.”  He glanced at Carson.  “You want to come, too, doc?”
           “No, Colonel,” Dr. Beckett replied, his shoulders shaking with laughter.  “As fun as roasting a wee stuffed bunny sounds, I've got some tests running in the lab that I need to see to.  You four have fun, and don't get burned,” he added.
           The rest of the team headed off, leaving Carson alone at the table to finish his breakfast.  Carson looked down at the lone soulful plastic eye floating in Rodney's discarded coffee cup.  On impulse, he picked the coffee up.  “Here's looking at you,” he quipped as he flung the contents over the railing into the ocean far below.  “And bloody good riddance.”