Pretension

My feet are throbbing. Havyn whistles an out-of-tune song to feed my growing headache. The melody most likely sounds better on the radio. The whistling stops. Lost in my head the impact from Havyns back knocks me to the ground. His glare interrupts my apology. Trying to get past our awkward moment, I peer over his shoulder to see the cause of our accident.

 

"Is that a house?" Havyn asks, pointing.

 

The circular building is a light-blue tint. The handcrafted pillars illustrate scenes of angels grasping ribbons and trumpets. I scale two stairs to inspect what looks to be inscriptions; I don't recognize the language.

 

"It's a mausoleum," I declare.

 

He raises an eyebrow.

 

"They bury dead people here, well underneath," I offer.

 

Havyn's eyes widen.

 

"Cool, then this must be the place," he yells.

 

He pushes past me on the staircase eagerly to reach for the door handles. I run my hand over the goosebumps on my arm.

 

"It will be locked," I say, "there has to be a ground keeper’s station somewhere."

 

I place my hand above my eyes to try and locate another building.

 

"If we head back a little maybe we can -" a crashing noise stops my thought.

 

I jump.The sound of crumbling stone echoes behind me. Havyn is standing proudly in a pile of rubble. He gingerly brushes the dust off his shoulder and nods his head towards the entrance.

 

As he leaves my sight for a few moments, my foot starts tapping. I grab my knee to stop the tick and work up the courage to follow him in. For once, our footsteps are in sync as we descend. We are more focused on what could be lying inside this building than each other. The light from the doorway abandons us, enveloping us in darkness.  I carefully take steps as we go deeper. My other senses heighten from the loss of sight, and I can hear Havyn's irregular breathing.The stone wall chills my hand slightly more each inch as we glide along.

 

"Wait," Havyn whispers. 

 

I close my eyes.

 

A small sparking noise comes from his direction. The little ember from his lighter reveals a door, five steps below us

 

No weapon, no lights.

 

"It's all right dude. I'm sure this will get better the farther we go in," he says, reassuringly.

 

"You think so?" I reply. 

 

I jumped up and down on the stairs to try and shake off my nerves.

 

"Yeah, I bet right behind these doors there will be some curtains, maybe a kitchen table," he offered.

 

I barely got the smile halfway across my face before I felt a thud on the back of my head from Havyn. I almost stumble off the stair.

 

"No stupid, this is going to be awful. I told you," he joked.

 

I rub the knot forming on back of my head.

 

Havyn turns the doorknob pressing his weight on the door.  The overwhelming force propels him to the ground. This door, apparently, wasn’t locked like the previous one.

 

I cover my mouth with two hands to hold in my laughter. Tears form in my eyes. I wait for some quirky comeback, but it never comes.

 

Havyn’s mouth gapes open. It took me a minute to see what put him in such shock. I realized his joke had some truth to it. A worn, red carpet dressed the doorway on the other side. The lighting is solely candlelight, making it hard to see too far ahead, but in front of us stood a lobby-type room. A table with a vase, holding one single rose underneath a painting of a flower field, made the room more inviting. Someone is making an attempt to make this place a home.

 

"Damn, someone does live here," Havyn murmurs.

 

"Why are you so surprised. You were the one that told me she’s here?" I snap

 

"It was more of a hunch," he blurted.

 

I place my hands behind my head, inhaling the thick air.

 

Havyn rubs his hand over his chin repeatedly. We exchange glances, and we proceed farther into the hallway. The hall isn't as decorated as the entrance. My hand found its way back to the wall in familiarity. The temperature reminded me I was still alive. A small comfort.

 

"This place gets creepier and creepier," Havyn whispers.

 

As we approach the end of the hallway, I can see it splits into two directions. The thought of getting lost in here forever crosses my mind. I shut my eyes to think when I feel Havyn’s grip on my shoulder, stopping my movement. I look at him in confusion. He places his index finger to his mouth. A small silhouette scurries across the hallway intersection.

 

I take off in a short sprint in pursuit of the silhouette. Havyn grabs my t-shirt right before I turn the corner, pulling me back into the hallway for cover. I catch a glimpse of a little girl vanishing into a nearby room.

 

"What the hell are you thinking!" Havyn scolds.

 

I pant from the sudden burst of adrenaline.

 

"A little girl, it was a little girl," I jabber.

 

"No way man, that's impossible. Look where we are. A little kid couldn't survive down here," he snarls.

 

I remain silent as a tiny giggle from down the hall stops our conversation.

 

Reviews

[aLittlePain]

That was creepy cool! even though I was muttering obscenities not to go...lol. That never ends well, ever in my vast experience and of course there was a little girl ;) I'm really enjoying this Jade. I have to say your writing since my very first readings have tightened beautifully. You're enjoying it and it shows! Your style is flowing and there is confidence in your stride. Unless I binge read I'm probably always going to be way behind. I'm enjoying it none the less. R xo

[HeyJadeXO]

Lol you will catch up with me one day ! Thank you for the kind words means alot coming from an original reader!

[Tabby Mac]

Your writing is very captivating! The details give great imagery! This is a scary chapter! I was tended up there at the end for sure! Like watching a show yelling at the characters not to go! Well done!!
Tabby

[HeyJadeXO]

Thanks for checking this out Tabby lol I didn't realize how creepy the feel is to a reader.Thats awesome !

[D Connolly]

that is creepy! I don't know, I would not follow some little kid into a crypt... I've seen too many movies with people that do that ending up dead :P

[HeyJadeXO]

Haha you wouldnt catch me even going down there!

[Ted Kniffen]

There is a definite spookiness to this that the reader will find inviting. There are some tense changes to address and a few spots where we are being told more than shown what is going on. The interaction between the two characters is pretty good and the suspense is building. Well done.

[HeyJadeXO]

Thanks for advise Ted I will look at it a little closer.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. I liked the searching and the surprise at the end. A very entertaining story.
Coyote

[HeyJadeXO]

Thank you coyote!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[ReedWrite]

Nicely done!
You have a great voice, and I love the way you structure this. The story line and characters are intriguing...it makes the reader want more.

[HeyJadeXO]

Thank you reed!

[Ashish]

Wow, I will love to read the next chapter. It was exciting though I had some questions and I think I also have to read the previous chapters to get the answers :)

Good job :)

[HeyJadeXO]

There more before this one for sure =]

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

I enjoyed reading this chapter. Keep up the good work.

[HeyJadeXO]

thank you so much

[...]

Hi, my goodness this is brilliant, without having read anything else of yours I really enjoyed this. Really solid writing and suspenseful. Great stuff happening here. Starz x

[HeyJadeXO]

Thank you Starzy !

[jaybeth]

Now this is what I call suspense. Good work Jade, expecting more

[HeyJadeXO]

=] thank you !