Brutal Butterfly Battle

This is a feeling I have honestly had...

This love is a butterfly with its wings torn off
Floundering, bleeding, still flailing in futile hope
Thinking it was meant to fly
Instead of doomed to die

Freshly uncocooned and drying in the sun
That vicious kid, God, plucked its future away
Wondering what it might do
When it realized it was through

This hopeless wreck, withering in the sun
A cripple dreaming of Olympic gold
How can cruelty like this coexist
With the feelings we've known of being blissed?

Author's Note

Have you felt this way? Any suggestions on ADDING to this?

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i have had people make me feel this way...i felt free to fly, to feel...and then had my wings ripped off...then floundered...as that person watched my suffer, crippled emotions.
i think this is really good...my only suggestion would be a stronger connection to the Olympic Gold...that kind of came out of nowhere for me...
a reference to that before, early in the poem, and then maybe one in the last stanza...would sustain the metaphor...

but less is more to me...so i wouldn't add much.

jacob

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Your suggestions are always very welcome, Jacob! Thank you! I agree it was kind of out of the blue. I was really feeling this at the time. I had a short but powerful relationship with a lovely woman, and it made me feel this way. I have to wait a bit to be further away from it so I can come back and adjust the flow, but you are quite right I should work the Olympics in a bit more logically with warning.

[Frieda P]

Sweet nectar of the gods, they bliss us so fruitfully, then swipe our wings just as quickly. I think many of us can relate to being de-winged in the throes of passion.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

It is all too common. I feel for all those whose flight is cut short by poorly chosen relationships like this one I was in.

[Tina Louise UK]

Such a vivid read...I can relate to this piece...you captured it perfectly!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I appreciate your using the word vivid! I think that is how it feels for me too. I wish it was at least a LITTLE more sutbtle...but then this IS just meant to be brutal and straight-forward.

[Baby Ricochet]

Grow wings and someone yanks them off? Then you just gotta walk there. Good poem sir,

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you very much, my friend! You go it exactly, a sad little poem but sometimes you have to express a sad thought -right?