A Walking Head

Proof I'm not ALWAYS positive!

Who I am -who I WAS- is dead
I am now just a walking head
I know, you want to tell me I'm alive
But can you convince me -truly- that I thrive?

Embodied memory
-That ghost alone guides me
Life's achievements forsaken
A husk of love too spent to reawaken

No reason to mourn
Nor torture to scorn
I follow Nature's Way
On what basis dare I stay?

Given my chance
I HAD my romance
Now she's lost to me
And I'm awash at sea

Gobbets of me are churned ashore
But I'm not THERE, for I am no more
The wave rolls back
To reveal bleached shells and brack

Of only one thing alone am I certain
Even as the mortician pulls closed the plastic curtain
I honored the reason I had to be
As surely as each leaf which falls from a tree

Reviews

[Pax]

I know, you want to tell me I'm alive
But can you convince me -truly- that I thrive?

A really good question here mr. Robby. But I believe you are alive and you thrive to change what's had gone passed. This piece shows that you felt dead inside. Like your heart is dying and longing for that long ago memory that left you behind. That everything comes in your life have no reason.

I could relate to that, I am not as positive as I can be to myself but I do try to see the Brightside of everything that is really hard. No matter how we look at it, we see life in our eye is as good as dead. Something I do find myself pondering - do i thrive to survive, perhaps I do, perhaps I don't. In my mind I play the duality game, knowing both sides, and weighing it according to the result of my pondering objectives.

I see your positive sides in this piece, the nature’s way, for that is reason enough for you to be strong. Truth be told, I do think that we do have a pessimistic side in every one of us, like darkness is just around this corner.

Finding strength to live life, comes from within, and I do think you definitely have it. We have our own internal struggles and our mind and heart process it totally depends on us. Our courage to thrive and survive life is just within our reach, the choices are just there, it’s either we see it or not.

Very nice piece mr. Robby.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much for a truly thoughtful explanation of how you got good things out of this poem! It is sad, but I am glad you could see it is not meaninglessly sad or that there was no silverlining! Sometimes we don't see the route to survival, but I agree it is certainly there.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Playing the duality game is a good explanation, I was just thinking...A little of Hamlet's "To be or not to be..." I am really glad you can see this is not meant to be entirely negative, just pondering and mature. I am still seeking that strength to thrive!

[Pax]

Re-reading this again, and I still enjoyed its ponderings/wonderings about our life on how we thrive for good reason or seek strength... keep finding that reasons and strength mr. Robby, because me as well is doing the same... You are most welcome :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Very grateful! Thanks again!

[613]

This was a very easy read for me, yet not too easy. I could definitely relate to this in some ways. Your descriptiveness is what caught my attention to begin with.

Great job!

- Brittney

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you so much for your comment, Brittney! This is one of the rare ones I wrote on here and not elsewhere, so I am grateful for feedback on it. I have grown more fond of it over time. I have tried to not just put my "good" poems on here, but a variety, so that I can get good feedback like yours! Thanks again! Now let me go sample some of your stuff!

[613]

You're quite welcome! & go for it. I'd really appreciate it.

[Traci]

This piece truly speaks to the heart and soul as I can relate to these bittersweet feelings. This is so raw, so real, true sincerity as the emotional depth of your writing reveals the tears shed and heartbreak you've felt. I like that you exposed this side of yourself, the artist is alive in the moment, showing his true strength and courage as he paints a blank canvas with his bittersweet words....displaying lovely imagery. Especially your closing line, "As surely as each leaf which falls from a tree"....this speaks volumes. As one feels dead inside when love is lost, memories are laid to rest, but strength is found, the sun shines again, and our vibrant spirits are renewed. You ARE alive, you are thriving, writing with such passion and emotion, sharing your experiences, good and bad, and living life to the fullest, even in times of darkness. Remember, for without these times of darkness, we would have no appreciation of light, of happiness. "There" you may be no more, but you ARE growing, loving, learning...and inspiring through your beautiful work of art. For that, I thank you, love.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

"The artist is alive in the moment!" Great quote!! This was a very momentary piece. I was just down for a bit, but also being realistic and not just all pessimistic. RetroPax pointed that out in his comment, and I am glad he did. I really love that you can see where I am raw, and that you feel how I am emoting. I do mean this stuff...but thankfully it is not always how I feel! I really liked that line about leaves falling too! Thanks for noticing! You are making me feel renewed in your comment, and that is a strength you have!! Thank you, Traci! With the help of my friends, like you, I am finding the light!

[Anita Singh]

So poignant! Specially liked the last line: "As surely as each leaf which falls from a tree". That's the bitter truth of life. Great work!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I am so grateful for your noticing that line, Annabella!! I was thinking in a melancholic way, but the way that several people have interpreted this poem has made me very happy because I actually feel more positive with the imaginative comments people have been giving me! I love that this site lets us do that! I am actually having the poignant emotions I have to share added to by even more poignant emotions people can share with me! Amazing feeling!!! Thanks!!! You are a great poet too, so it is a true compliment!

[ashley]

I love the imagery here and how you use physical, tangible ideas to expose your metaphysical absence. The beauty of tragedy is bittersweet, but it always makes for exquisite writing material. I liked this a lot.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much, Ashley, I like your excellent explanation too! Thank you for an excellent review. The fact is that making the intangible tangible is really such a great ability of poetry!

[emmajoy]

Sad thoughts but honest ones.. grey from blue, placed in order and admitted with sincerity, Tusitala. That ending hits home, '.. as surely as each leaf which falls from a tree,' That's what we mortals are, for all our swagger. Not sure that you are 'no more', the feel and scent of a being lasts far longer than believed and most certainly when one writes as you have.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

It is certainly honest...The whole poem I was imagining dried curled up leaves blowing in the chill wind, and I finally found the place for them in the poem right there at the end, letting me know that was the right place to stop. We are nothing but dirt in the ground, but we have love, we have wit, we have will, we have worth. Seeing the greatness in every morsel of our being is what we must do to be honest with ourselves. This is in many ways what I love in Buddhism, because it seems to see that we are all equal from the tiniest grain of sand to the nervous synapses which are firing in the back of my mind to allow me to say this. The sum total is that love that lets us all do our job, perform that task for which we were created -or at least for what reason we COULD find to exist. If we do it selflessly we can allow others to garner joy in what they are doing to contribute...and if THEY act selflessly then we may also take from their respect that same satisfaction and joy...at least I hope so.

This is not my normal happy poem. I allowed it to be the black dot on the white side of the yin-yang because I think it is necessary to show that I have my ups and downs like everyone, and that I have been effected in ways less than pretty by downs. I don't believe in always showing my pretty face...At times I want to roll out into the spotlight unwashed and unshaven and in the truest state of my being me, sans editing.

Thank you very much for your review and for saying I am not "no more." Isn't it a paradox that saying one is dead can be very enlivening though?!

[Tina Louise UK]

Profound, one I could relate to...I think we all at times find ourselves in these places. Insightful read :) x

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much for your support! This is one that is uncharacteristically morbid. I cannot deny I have this feeling in me though -just as all these orphaned feelings of love- and I hope it doesn't come across unkindly to say you inspired this poem, with my readings of your poems. I have been holding back on posting anything too "sad," but even if I don't want to be known for my disappointments, I DO want this range to my oeuvre. That you relate and found it profound is doubly meaningful to me, therefore. Thank you.

[Tina Louise UK]

Personally, I like to get it all out no matter how depressing. Not to everyone's taste no, however sometimes someone can relate to a poem and it can make them feel they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings. I am deeply moved when someone let's out a piece of their soul and shares it x

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

You do inspire me with your unashamed truth to whatever emotion you are honestly having. I have many more depressing poems than happy ones, mostly I guess due to the act of writing them being a therapy, but I have trouble knowing how they will be taken if posted. I guess I will take this one as a tester. What you say about people relating and feeling a sense of deep connection because someone else feels their pain, this is one thing that really does mean a lot to me. I have felt that, and sharing pain is a noble cause, so long as the aim is decreasing it. I very much believe poetry must be honest, and must contain a piece of your soul!