Aurorum

We see strange lights in the night's sky
You turn to me, a star in each eye
As we stand among the creaking trees
And nocturnal animals out on sprees

These pyrotechnics of heavenly illumination
Pale in comparison to our genuine elation
Your eyes, I see, burst with love for me
And in a flash we are fused magically

No distraction could divert my senses' attention
You are my universe, whirling in every dimension
How could we ever have been two?
Our love has created an entity anew

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is truly great Robert, and the title too... compact, and straight as your ending is... for the Aurora Borealis, of love I catch in this little and delightful poem. Romantic at best, loved this one. There isn't much to analyze or talk long about, with this piece, it's just strong and standing on it's own.

- Elisa

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I have to admit I am perplexed by the overwhelmingly positive comments on this poem thus far!! I was worried this would not be as full and complex as I desired it to be. Having re-read it now though, I have to admit that the proportions of everything feel right. It is scaled down, compact -as you say, but I guess that to my surprise that has made it just balanced enough. You are right there is not much here. The original poem was even shorter, written partially in 2009. It went off in a few abortive directions. This one is more clear and rearranged for a more logical story arc. The basis of this poem is a true story. I have been lucky enough to see the Northern Lights on a few occasions, twice in Alaska and once in Norway. Each time I am absolutely transfixed. They always are so much more engrossing that I ever had imagined. The first time I saw them was in an almost idyllic environment for viewing them; I was camping in the middle of the Yukon with no major cities as close as a hundred miles away. I was near an old wooden bridge that was high over a beautiful but (to me) nameless rushing river. I saw wisps in the sky, and thought that would be about it. I got out my flashlight and headed for the bridge. In the few minutes it took to climb to the bridge, the sky was already so bright there was no need for a flashlight. The whole firmament of the Heavens was filled with iridescent green-blue beauty. I will never forget it.

This piece is just heavenly good. Sometimes, less is so much more ;-) and with less you said all, my friend, I'm grateful to read your work of art, everytime, and I'm so happy you've seen the aurora borealis, aswell in Norway, (your roots). You've traveled to many rich places. I know it's a true story, your words tell, and even when you were in the full gloom of light, when you wrote it, poetry is timeless, as you see, it confuses many readers for they think you write it in the "now" wich isn't... that's the beauty of older poetry too... it is timeless.... like the northern lights. They always show up, and go, and be there... it's something magical, I did a poem about it too, long ago, will send you the link soon, I think I have it under re-construction on Writers Cafe, not sure, there is too much I've been writing the last years... but will let you know... you will like that one, and recognize a lot in it, I'm sure. :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I loved the one you did, and I am so impressed at how we were on a similar theme...Clearly neither you nor I were copying each other, just on the same theme. It shows how we clearly think alike in some positive respects. The Northern Lights are one of those rare things that shows us how small we are in the Solar System AND the Universe. We don't get reminded of that enough! There are only a few aspects of ordinary life here on Earth that indisputably remind us we are part of a greater universe. I wish more people were aware of what a small part of that unfathomable universe we are...It would make them realize that just to have any impact on life here is the most we can hope for, in this tiny piece of the whirling galaxies that dot the KNOWN wedge of our universe. Even in the darkest part of our sky (the famous "Deep Field") there are hundreds of galaxies which hold more solar systems that we can guess...We are not even a hundreth of a hundreth of one percent of this vast cosmos. We need to realize this and lower our egos to the level that matches that understanding!

And I loved yours, weird, we had the same thoughts, so separated from time and space, me too, so impressed! :) smiling. We just had that universal bond, and you will notice more, we did wrote seperately, I just came across some other thingy's. It's amazing friend haha... We are just little dust particals, all, there is a higher force, above us. I'm so glad with your deep profound thoughts, and lovely comments. They always make my day my friend. We do feel, realize and know. Thank you so much. -x-

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Conguitis ergo sum! We think, therefore we are! Thank YOU so much!! We are born to collaborate!

Yes, ;-) you've read that poem of me didn't you? with that title... ;-) lol WELCOME my dear friend... we are born to collaborate, and even to share Latin Quotations... :D

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Funnily enough I don't remember reading THAT poem of yours, but that is ridiculous! You are my Latin friend as well! Ha!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Well Robert...
it seems as if my inclination to review later has been thwarted due to my curiosity... the Title grabbed my attention! lol ;)

Reading this has brought forth deep emotions... ones I love to feel... the warm fuzzies run amok! lol
The way you see things....(sigh).... so beautifully celestial... it's divine!

"You are my universe, whirling in every dimension"~ Need I tell you how much I love this line??

You blow my socks off!...you truly do! (he he)

Okay, I will give you my serious assessment of this piece...

You say you are a romantic, well, I believe this to be true... I know your heart lies within every line...
You are succinct, yet brilliant in your composition... infusing the cosmos and star-crossed love,
is a strong theme, which suits your Romantic expression...

Gorgeous work of art, love!... thrilled!~xoxo~:)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Careful, with your socks off I might tickle your feet!

I am very joyful at your review. You have me smiling ear to ear. I feel you clearly have an area of expertise that is yours, in love poetry and the lovely (and lively) erotic. To have your compliments on this one is especially confidence building. I never take others' appreciation for granted. That I can give you warm fuzzier gives me the tingles too, so it goes both ways! Let's keep it up!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Now you're teasing me?...Does a foot massage come with that tickle? (he he)...

Indeed you do...
give warm
fuzzies, galore! lol
Your romantic writes,
I adore!..
I am a fan,
for sure!...
so please,
write more!...~xoxo~;)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I did study Japanese massage...and foot massages would follow shortly, I have no doubt!

Wow, insanely complimented to receive a personalized poem from the master herself!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Oh you did?!... :D
Why am I not surprised by your many talents? lol
I'll write you a poem, if you write me a song? (one about foot massages) (he he) ;))

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Oh, I will!! Don't think I won't!!! I will write you a song fit to be played by whoever you know who has a guitar. I love this interaction already!! Give me some words to set to music, better still, and I will surprise you again!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

wow!...I already have a few thoughts reeling...
let me spin my wheels and post your poem...give me a bit of time... ;D

[Anita Singh]

Not your best work. It was simple and smooth. I wanted something more.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, Annabella! Give me a hint at what you imagined! I did actually WRITE more of this poem, but it was negative. I had broken up with my girlfriend and it was a very strange combination of emotions. I stripped some out of this. Let me hear what you can see that it might have to offer...I may have already written some of what you imagine. I need to know. I never mean to add poems here thinking they are perfect. I want to know what they are lacking. Most of the time I have written much more and this is but a small percentage. Give me direction!

[LadyAnn68]

Oh yes I like this one very much!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, LadyAnn! Some have said this seems to simple and not enough. What do you think? Would you add more?

[LadyAnn68]

Perhaps but I have always felt you have to feel it,....knowing you and your love it is quite possible to keep going. But I like it the way it is!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Okay, I will accept this as a good answer and move on. I won't alter it unless some grand design becomes clear to me.

[LadyAnn68]

Good move! But sometimes altering a 1000X then you lose sight of the reason you wrote it the way you did! I accept constructive criticism, but sometimes they see it differently than I do. That is why I like to consult you on love contents!

[Traci]

This piece is a good example of what we've been speaking of .... beauty, simplicity and true emotion. You have pieced together all three, and should be very proud of this piece and your growth as a cherished poet. Don't hold back, write from the heart and soul.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

A few here, including LJW and Annabella, have said this seems cut short (or too much focused on structure). What do you think it is lacking, if anything? Should I add to it, or do you think they may be wrong? (I don't know if "wrong or right" enter into it, but I just mean that perhaps you think this poem is best left alone. A few others seem to think it could use a bit more of something. What do you think?)

[Traci]

Your honesty and ability to grow as a poet is truly admirable, dear friend. Take what constructive criticism has been offered, good and bad, and search deep within in your heart, and in between the lines of this poem for answers. Only YOU know what you are thinking as you write, what you feel, and for me the representation of the love you two shared was written beautifully, lacking nothing. One thing that drew me to this piece, beyond the title was the simplicity. I connected to your soulful words, the honest emotions that made me feel something...the structure and technical aspect didn't matter. The beauty and power in your words always keeps me intrigued and longing to read more :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I will, and I am honestly grateful...Even when I am not sure how to take it at times. I do think perhaps I might want to add to this poem eventually. Often I want to give people the original to compare versions. In general though I feel so supported here though, it is truly remarkable. What you say about the structure is interesting. I think I have more to learn with structure, but words come easily...

[LJW]

Sorry. Forced. How it reads to me, especially S1's trees and sprees.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

What is an S1?

[LJW]

Stanza 1
L1, L2, L3 and so on would refer to specific lines.

I learned that here. Sounded like a BMW model the first time I saw it. A BMW S1. I call shotgun!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Ah, makes sense. I have some kind of serious inability to comprehend abbreviations. No joke, you can abbreviate almost anything and it will instantly throw me. In my mind words are words and letters are letters. I don't use mnemonics. Perhaps this is a keyhole to look in and understand my soul. Who knows? Anyway, please don't spit in my cup like the girlfriend of the guy in that movie "Momento." It does sound like a BMW. See, BMW has no other meaning to me...like LASER and SCUBA, so I can remember it. SCUBA I learned as an acryonym first, like LASER. Back to the poem. The first stanza feels uncomfortable because it was not originally constructed that way. I am consistently surprised how people on here notice the smallest incongruities. It really impresses me and sells me on the utility of this site.

[LJW]

I would never spit in your cup. That's what open windows are for. Now I have to watch Memento to see what you're talking about. It'll keep me awake at night. For real.

Did you see the new car put out by British Motor Works? :-)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

British Motor WORKS! Ah, see, I would never have guessed that last word. Did you know Laser stood for anything?! Most people don't realize it is an acronym at all. Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.

[LJW]

I did not know that. !

[LJW]

Sorry, the rhyming choices in S1 turned me off. In particular, trees and sprees.
I am not a fan of rhyming poetry in general with few exceptions.

Why? I am not 100% convinced I know. Perhaps it's because I feel it's "thought out" instead of "felt out."
Not that it is so, but how it feels to me when I attempt to rhyme.

[The Representative]

Brilliant.....deserves the exact same compliment that I gave to another writer, Lexi, a few days ago:


Reads so clearly, and yet reads too just like poetry.


If you want Robby, you can now read my story's opening - the one I'm trying to find an agent for.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, I will read it. So this seems too poetic as opposed to "real?" I can see that side of it, Representative. I am often trying to find a kind of even ground between the kind of cliché language that can be all too common in poetry and the need for giving structure and a sense of style to a work. It is hard. I am still finding the right expressions...

[Priscilla Sayers]

Beautifully done. The depth placed in simplistic form allowing the emotion to breathe life into the reader, a fresh breath of air.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow, such overwhelming response to this little scribble. Ironically I had held back for sometime on it, leaving it unpublished. I didn't think it was "done." Now, I have seen it through others' eyes and I can really appreciate it, but not smugly for myself...Instead I feel what others are seeing in it, and have to keep re-reading it to be sure that it was really ME that put those things together. It is a mystery to me still how I sometimes can do this and sometimes cannot. At least, with the help of the sight of others, I am finding things to appreciate in my own poetry! I think I am starting to find myself a place to be comfortable...not complacent, just comfortable.

[A. Amos]

Robby this truly was read like a watching moon, while sitting on the beach with my loveone and enjoying harmony of waves. Simply romance with elegance, masterly crafted piece.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, genuinely! I am actually and sincerely surprised at the fact this came out this way. I think maybe I am getting better at sensing the "proportions" of a piece and this just came out well. I kept thinking I was going to add more, but I couldn't think where it would go, so I left it there. Now that I look back today I am really pleased with the result and with my reviews!!

[A. Amos]

Robby what you have created is simply a magical definition of love, the last two lines are killers for those who value love. So i hope your love would be very proud of you, just as us your fellow writers. You're most welcome

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

In truth, A. Amos, my love is not. The woman I shared this moment with I saw by accident driving home just a couple days ago and it was the first time I had seen her face in four months. We have tried to remain civil, but she has frequently brought up the same old familiar refrain when I attempt to question why we are still apart: She feels I broke her heart and broke her trust. I could go into details, but I sincerely think the details would barely matter. I was as honest with her as I have ever been with anyone, and it was in fact my honesty that got me into the trouble I was in with her. She grew more and more jealous and finally imagined infidelities. She broke into my email account and searched for hours, only to find a note that had been forwarded from a social networking site from a girl who was a friend -who I hadn't responded to. The note was months old. Needless to say I hadn't been cheating on her. I had been clear with her about so many things I thought and felt that it was ridiculous to me she could think I was cheating on her. She had clearly decided she needed an excuse to move on though, and this was what she chose. When I saw her recently she sent me a text saying it made her heart grow heavy to have seen me again. All I could think was that she knows she made a mistake and cannot admit to it. I wish I could say honestly that I was quite happy to put her out of my mind, but she and I were friends for twenty years before we dated for four, so the idea of forgetting her is quite a ridiculous proposition. This is the one relationship I have moved on from with such an unusual combination of emotions. I love her, feel betrayed by her, and feel a need to be redeemed, but simultaneously look down on her for being such a fool as to take a cowardly way out of a relationship which was not mortally wounded, but instead flying high when she chose to bring it to the ground. Clearly I could go on forever on this point, but IN SUMMATION, you have hit on a central point to much of what I have posted here on this site: I have known true love, felt it in new and unique ways, and am now afforded only the privilege of writing about memories. This poem was a real event, but it has been mythologized here. Maybe my one conceit as a writer is that I am really a poet, when in fact I am actually just a chronicler of true events which themselves are the definition of love. That you recognize the love in them though, is still evidence that some scent remains of their origins, and that gives me hope for us all.

Thank you, once again.

[A. Amos]

Robby my friend when I read your poem I felt, you are madly in love with someone and for her you have questioned the higher power of your existence... Why not made you both as one!!!!!

I read your whole story with peace of mind and really felt bad, i can truly understand and detail i send you in message not in post...

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you! It is not falsified at least. There is the genuine aura of love in this poem, having been written originally at the time I was in the midst of that love. I am just coming back to it to shift a line here or there now, making it presentable. I do wish I were still in the depths and soaring heights of love now though. Sorry to bring you down! It was not my intention. I don't want to be dishonest though.

[A. Amos]

I can understand no worries, check your mail send you message thanks

[Fernando Dardón]

Well, this is a trully romantic heart poem.
A brief narration of a moment with a beloved person, marvellous masked with simplicity.
And I agree with Elisa, there is not much to analyze 'cause it is deep, but simple enaugh to understand its backgorund. "It stands for it's own" I liked it very much.

Javier

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I appreciate very much your review and that you say it is deep while also being simple. I would like to always strive for that combination!