Ship of Fools

Brand new today!

This ship of fools has run aground
We've lost those treasures by luck we'd found
I drift down deep into the sea
And let despair wash over me

Reluctantly I swim to shore
And feel salt dry in every pore
Stinging me in each fresh wound
You left me here to be marooned

A velleity runs through my mind
Is there a mate out there to find?
And will I ever leave this place
-One day rejoin the human race?

My heart decides, "No, not again!"
The rest of me replies, "AMEN!"
With emptiness my soul's half full
I won't submit to love that's cruel

I write my name upon the breeze
And let it blow to happier seas

Author's Note

Click on the photo to see it more clearly!

This isn't my normal positive take on love. I have a variety of feelings I need to express on that subject though, and I would like to hear if anyone gets where I am coming from here.

Reviews

[Traci]

I drift down deep into the sea
And let despair wash over me

With emptiness my soul's half full
I won't submit to love that's cruel

The flow of emotional depth is impressive in this piece. From a state of despair to a real conviction of strength, you leave your readers with a sense of hope in your closing lines. I believe as we venture into love we are all fools, taking risks, sailing with the ebbs and flows of life, but what is living without taking chances. A soul may feel empty, however you WILL "write your name upon the breeze, and let it blow to happier seas"....finding love again, cherished poet and dear friend.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I am glad you pick up the hope in my poems! I wanted to find a way to express all those things you picked up and I am impressed you can sum them up so well! I was wanting to describe what a ship of fools love is in and of itself. I also wanted to show that things can be horrible and end badly, but that there are other seas to explore and there is hope in that! Thanks for getting the whole thing!

[ANTO]

I see this was posted in February - in the run up to Valentines, Robby. Did that make you more positive (as you explain in the notes, in recalling and writing about lost loves?
I got the whole - 'Hell, Im getting out of this game (the game of Love - the ship of fools) while I've still got a glass/soul half full !!' which really struck a chord with me.
I liked this and the metaphoricals - can i ask, now nearly 10 months later, are you still positive in this regard? You dont have to answer that, my bad.

[Yasmin]

The never ending war between man and their emotions
I love the scene so much and I enjoyed every word till the very end
Well done

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you! I really like metaphors of ships and the sea. This one came out better than most I think.

[Yasmin]

Yeah? It is a good metaphor
but the title fooled me I thought it would be more about how new generations follow false media without thinking or how easily we can be misled by modern technology somewhat like a ship of apes so it was unexpected to end up like this
thank you for sharing such a good poem 👍

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow, your interpretation of the title would truly make a great poem!!! You are really inspiring me! It is kind of like "Spaceship of the Apes" instead of Planet of the Apes. I would like to write the poem you saw in this title!

[Yasmin]

And I would love to read it ^^

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I did it, and posted it! It's not my best, but it's a start. Tell me what you think of it. It's called Spaceship of the Apes.

[Maya Garnes]

I really like the end. I like the comparison of love to a ship mate. I really like that poem.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you very much for your kind review! I have hoped that the ending would be sufficient. I am always wanting to tinker with my stuff, but this is one of those rare occasions when I think I am done!

[Maya Garnes]

Your welcome. I know what you mean. :)

[Angela L Garratt]

I loved this poem, it flowed brilliantly, it was a pleasure to read, really enjoyed it.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you for specifically commenting on the flow. One thing I think I have improved a lot on is making each stanza move the idea forward evenly. I try to achieve an even flow throughout. Thanks very much for checking it out!

[Maya Garnes]

I really like that poem. I really like the line you wrote about "letting despair wash over me" that line along with many other aspects of the poem is so relatable to me. Good job.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you so much! I was proud of that line. I have considered placing an additional stanza before the first and second one and expanding on the idea of this one line. I am not sure if it is more effective sometimes to spell things out or to leave it to the reader's imagination.

What do you think of the end?

[ANCIENTRUNAWAY]

My dear, this is simply art! The flow is magnificent! The textile of the words are so vivid, insightful and extremely significant to the point of the story-line and those rhymes of yours' go perfectly suited with one another!

Keep Calm and Carry On

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

To go with your "keep calm," I will add, "MIND THE GAP!"

Thank you so much for your specific comments on my poem! What you said is exactly what I was going for! I was hoping to get at a very particular feeling. I hate non-specific poems that just attack an issue with vagary! I think this came out pretty well, though there is still some things I want to work on a but more. I think it could even be a bit longer. I always try to make things longer though!

[Rachelle]

Hard drive's dead. Reviewing via phone. Sorry for short review:

Wonderful metaphor! Great flow!
We all have to take risks, though they might hurt, to find meaning and happiness.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Damn! I think I just lost my response! I hate when that happens!! Well thanks for a terrific review and I hope you had at least some backup to your hard drive!

[Nusquam Esse]

I found this to be a very enjoyable piece, it seemed particularly strong near the middle. I love how the rest of him so heartily agrees with his hearts sentiment! The rhyme between wound and marooned was probably my favorite here, although you have a lot of powerful lines here. I saw the title of this piece and was reminded of the short story "The Helmsman" by Franz Kafka, and so my interest was piqued, and fortunately, you did not disappoint!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Ah, I love Kafka, and the comparison is certainly a great compliment!! I am glad I didn't disappoint. I love the concept of the Medieval idea of the "ship of fools." There is even a Latin phrase for it! Stultifera navis! It has a long history as a concept. I wanted to appropriate it for something but I hadn't found the venue until this little love poem. I think love makes fools of us all, at times, and I didn't want to shy away from making this one truly tragic. However, I hate leaving no sign of hope. This is why I added the couplet at the end. You have given me reason to go look up "The Helmsman" again! Thank you!! Also, I thank you sincerely for giving me your honest opinion and that you liked the middle bit the best. I suppose I do too. I think "You left me here to be marooned" is my favorite line. Often I find that I am trying to fit more in my poetry, but there isn't always a place for everything. When I add rhyming as a challenge, it gets even harder. All the same, I like that I could make this rhyme because I play guitar and I hope that maybe at some point I can shape this into a lyric (with, perhaps, a chorus and some repetition, etc.). Thank again!

[Nusquam Esse]

No problems, Kafka is my favorite author... and I feel is a huge influence on my writing (at least my short stories). I don't have much experience with poetry, but it is certainly challenging to fit within rhyme and meter. Sometimes it helps your work bloom, and other times it seems to restrict it from being what it could have been. You just gotta figure out what format is best used for each thought and idea. Good luck with making lyrics out of this. I never learned musical instruments, so I unfortunately cannot relate, or give pertinent advice on that matter.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Well, lyrics are hard. I can say that. You are very right about how rhyme and meter can either help or hurt though! I have been trying for a long time to discover how to find the right format for each subject, but it is certainly a lifetime's work to figure that out! You really should learn a musical instrument though. I swear it is good for the soul, and for writing. Thomas Jefferson thought so, claiming the violin helped him write the Declaration of Independence, and many other famous pieces. In any event, thank you for your review and your thoughts. I do need to reread Kafka. It has been too long. I love short stories, particularly surreal ones.

[Nusquam Esse]

Funny you bring up Thomas Jefferson... oddly enough I am descended from him. 0_o All my other family members play instruments, and as a child I played the piano. But to me, I am content listening to music; and have never felt the need to make it. Crafting words comforts me much more.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

You are?!! You have no idea how fascinating that is to me!!! I am an enormous fan. I have been to Monticello and marveled at your ancestor's works for a long time. I even desire to find a copy of his personal version of the Bible. As an archaeologist myself I wonder if you know he is considered the Father of American Archaeology? We have some serious discussing to do...You should consider going to the University of Virginia!! I played piano as a child, but moved on to guitar which is my true instrument. I also play oboe, clarinet, and saxophone. Sorry I accused you of not playing a musical instrument! I meet so many people who have never tried. I am sorry to meet them. I feel it is a great to miss out on in life. The one thing I would encourage you to do is try jamming sometime without a set piece of music behind it. Let yourself go, play for hours. RECORD it. You will witness a change that is shocking. Even if you HATE the recording, please try it and do not destroy the recording. Wait a year or more, then listen to the recording, starting in the middle. Don't picture the notes you played in your head, just listen to the sound. I think it will shock you. There is no "need" to make music OR poetry. It is a creative experience. Doing it inevitably brings out things you never knew you were capable of though. You will find a need for it...and the words will go along. They did for me anyway, Mr. Jefferson.

Incidentally, this is personal but I have to ask: Are you descended from Sally Hemings? Personally I have always found that a beautiful story...

[Nusquam Esse]

I am not entirely sure the specific lineage, it may have been through one of his siblings rather than through him directly... Its just something I was always told when I was younger. So I am not quite sure the direct link; I unfortunately have never been one for genealogy. So I am not even sure if it is through Sally Heming, or if it was with another of his slaves.. or a mistress, or even a legitimate child (I don't know if he even had any). I honestly have no idea. I would have to ask my Aunt to get any details. But yeah, he was probably my favorite of the fore-fathers, and almost everything about him resonates on a personal level... it sometimes feels like he took the words right out of my mouth. I was not aware of him being the father of American Archaeology. My sister is actually an Archaeology major as well, with a minor in linguistics. I ended up majoring in Geography myself... It is fine about the whole music thing, it just never resounded to me on a personal level, although with time I may discover a new side of myself. Both my younger brothers play a wide assortment of musical instruments. I am glad you are so stoked at the idea of my lineage with Jefferson, I really wish I had more details... I will try to remember to talk to my aunt about it sometime!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I actually don't think it could be with another of his slaves...And I have heard his children from his actual marriage did not survive to this generation. Therefore I think it would have to be through Sally Hemings or his extended family. Either way, it is an amazing connection...and what I have learned about genealogy has taught me that rarely do people lie about being related to someone famous within only a few centuries. In my own family, at least, these rumors have almost always been true. They are more likely to be true when your surname is NOT the surname of the person who you have heard you are related to. I don't know if you know this part, but Sally Hemings was the half sister of Thomas Jefferson's wife. The fact he took up with her was actually fairly understandable in my eyes. Apparently the death of his wife had all but killed him, and several years later he finally developed a relationship with her half sister, who happened to be half black and therefore not even an option for legal marriage. However, despite her being half black, almost all the people who saw her were shocked how much she looked like Thomas Jefferson's deceased wife. They said they could have been twins, not just sisters. I think the relationship he had with her was, if anything, noble. It proves what he wrote on the subject of slavery was anything but hypocritical. He clearly did believe in ending slavery, and it would have personally been a wonderful thing if he could have legally married Sally Hemings. He put her children (by him) through college, which was shocking at the time -considering they were quartos! It is still considered highly controversial, but I consider it a love story by any standard. He did have legitimate children with his wife also, but as I understand it, that line died out in just a few generations. He and Benjamin Franklin are without a doubt in my top five or even three fore-fathers! Probably top two, truth be told. He resonates deeply with me as well. My family were also planters from Virginia, far back into the 1600s. I recently had my DNA tested to prove I was part of a line of family that most likely arrived in the Chesapeake Peninsula in 1629. I bothered with the DNA because the papertrail had gone cold for many years. The way Mr. Jefferson became the Father of American Archaeology, by the way, was by doing a world-class and incredibly ahead of its time dig of an Indian burial mound on his own property at Monticello. He set the standard for digs by being incredibly thorough, logging everything, and using grid squares long before they were in common use. I mean, he was easily a century ahead of his time -even in archaeology! You sister sounds like someone I would love to meet! I mean that in the most non-threatening way! I miss archaeology and I love linguistics. Geography is another subject I have always loved. I went to the New Jersey state finals for my geography bee skills. I lost in a tricky tie breaker round. If you talk to your aunt about your heritage, I would love to hear more about it. That is a great story to know.

[Tina Louise UK]

Loved this one, flowed wonderfully and I love rhyme, loved the theme too, really enjoyed :) x

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I am pretty happy about this one, and how it come together. It is a unique image for me, which just flowed out of the first line. I didn't really know where I was going with it until I went there...It is really exciting when I can write something and get such immediate feedback! This is the first time (being on this site) I have ever had that experience of nearly instantaneous response by people whose opinions I admire and trust! Thank you for reading!!!