Ghetto Sunrise

This is something unusual for me...Brand new. I compose music an lyrics frequently, but this is more of a rap and less of a lyric. Meant to be spoken more than sung, but it also is a decent poem.

Ghetto sunrise
Over all the gritty lies
Things we help society despise
Yet pretend to ameliorize
Disavowed but allowed
People scared, not proud
And bullies who yell loud
Policing streets we overcrowd
Endowed with no authority
Granted by a majority
Does that make you a minority?
I deny that categorically
We're all members of the human race
We, the people your lies disgrace
Who can bring the light down in this place?
So everyone feels the sun upon their face

(To be continued...)

Author's Note

If you have ideas for verses yet to come, I welcome them. Please come collaborate!!

Reviews

[Priscilla Sayers]

With noxious fumes
disposed in our space,
blotting out our Sun with gloom,
clouds of distrust painting each face...
Yet, never let your strength waver,
for in this place of dark find favor,
with the Moon who speaks soft,
whispers of Hope aloft,
see beyond Humanity's obvious state,
You are, All, MORE, to Fate,
She shall send light, striking through,
the dust, the toxic clouds of gloom,
heads up to the Sun, eyes to the Moon,
Rise above, It's ME, It's YOU.....
****
Sweet Robby, I love this piece and added my own flavor to your cause...
Rise High Eagle show them where the Sun will RISE!:)
Much Light and Love !

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow!!! I love this. This is stellar! We should work on something on this topic perhaps! Very impressive to add in your words, but with such an ability to fit into the structure and style! Thank you. Collaboration is the best compliment!

[Priscilla Sayers]

I would love to;)!
Just message me. Start it off and we shall blend it together. Everything I write is a free flow so I am down with you're best shot Buddy! Can't wait!;)

[Frieda P]

This is one of those reads that resonates in your bones, and lingers long after you close the page. Love the title too.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, Frieda! I am so complimented to have people haunted by my writing. I am really working on it, and this is a prime example. In this case I wrote this for this website, really trying hard to work with a new style, not quite my own.

[Darkgirl]

This so takes me back to the days of my youth, especially the end. Personally, I like where you stopped not sure if I would add more to the end.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I really thank you for your comment, and for your addressing an important point to me. It feels like a natural end but have I really said all I should say? I'm not sure...

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Positivism, through your yearning field of words... oh my friend, this is opening, this is new, this has something heartwarming, intelligent, and eye-opening. It has moral, it has history, mingled with now day life, it has passion and migration/immigration. It is you, in your upper wellness.

- Elisa

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

You're back!!! I love your new photo!! Thank you so much for your reading of this. I like your take on it. It is interesting how positively it has come across to many on here. I didn't feel positive when I started it, but I was honestly inspired by the kinds of reviews I was getting. Omar in particularly really gave me a great insight on it. I can honestly say this is the first time I have found that praise in the middle of writing my work has really helped me to finish it!

Awww, you're so welcome my bud. And thank you so much for your welcome back towards me, smiling.... yours is great too! :D Oh that's interesting to me, you didn't felt positive, while writing it.... you have to explain me more of that, twisted interesting parallel thought, to me. I love to get it, to understand it. :) Oh I need to read Omar's review then, didn't do that before. Yes, I know sweet Omar, and now I get it more, heading down, reading him, yes... it's political related... oh we could have endless discusions about it lol.... here it's not any better.... I like it to see you experimenting with words, you should never stop! TOLD YOU! YOU ARE GREAT IN THAT. :) friendly greetings! from the other side of the world :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Well, oddly I have to admit this started out as a kind of complaint about what I hate in the big city...but shockingly it turned into an uplifting piece about how to change all that. I was picturing LA on a hot summer morning. Sun rising over a seedy East LA ghetto. I was rattling off what I didn't like about the way ghettos are, and how society ignores the problems, but then Omar gave me a really good piece of inspiration and I combined it with my idea to start explaining that we are not minorities, none of us are...A friend greets you right back!

Yes, you told me before, of L.A. I remember, :) I see, it now, yes, thanks for explaining.... much love and greetings Robear. I will come back soon for more of your fantastic stuff :D

[Sue Hart]

The reviews here for your poem/song/rap...is a huge testimony to how it reaches truth and the heart. My review isn't needed other than to say how much I love it. Believe it or not in a world that's hurting this is a beacon that screams...we are not alone. Thanks for reaching out your hand and clasping ours in this time of need.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Your review is needed by me! I am very grateful for all these reviews and for yours as well. It is an actual surprise to have such a positive reaction when I have had a lifetime of NON-reaction to my work. The extremes are so baffling to me.

[Sue Hart]

Most that I see responding to your work are mature and equally talented. I haven't been a member here for long, but I try and read a lot and get to know the authors. I also send reading requests to those that accept them among my list of friends. It helps them to grow too and see the refined work. I don't send requests for illicit or unschooled work. I myself don't read it, unless I see the storyline is good. Anyway, I'm rambling now. The point is, your work is exceptionally good. I promise. Why you had a non-reaction before is baffling. I'd say they have no understanding of poetry or they don't read as a rule. It took me awhile to learn that poetry is something from the authors heart, inspiration, convictions, or such. So now I'm comfortable with it and look into it and feel the message. Some want to talk about the structure and that's fine. But I won't. I'm not a poet, I'm a novelist.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I honestly have to say I have grown more since joining here as an author than ever before in my career of writing. It is a very unexpectedly great change for me. I have only been a member since December 1st. Having a good story is my bottom line too. I can't accept anyone's work that doesn't have something sensible to say as a baseline. Saying I am exceptionally good is exceptionally life-affirming for me though. I feel that there are few things I know how to do to the level of my writing and it seems like I should find a career in this direction, but I have never had the kind of feedback that ever supported that decision for me. I just always had to believe that on my own. Your saying it is very groundbreaking for me. I think I had many non-reactions most likely because I have always been surrounded by people who can't think critically about my work. Many people like close friends and family are just not very judgmental people, and it bothers me because there is a place for judgment in the world, and when it comes to art a kind of discernment is necessary! My family and friends have always just given me that standard, "Yeah, that's great!" kind of answer...You know, the kind that says they barely read it and don't have any real response. I don't know why. I just know they were obviously not who I should have been sharing with first. It is people who have no reason to like your work who are the first people you should share with. Rejection is good as a writer or an artist. It helps build your strength. I like that you are a novelist. That is a good perspective to come from. I came to poetry from the backdoor. I never liked it when I was a kid. It seemed stupid, but Edgar Allen Poe was good, and a few other people. Then I started to realize I liked a lot of it, just not the kind I was reading as a kid, and then I became intimidated. Reading people like T.S. Eliot made me realize what was possible. I always liked writing stories and telling stories. (Hence my name Tusitala on here...) Then I began to play guitar (among other instruments) and I started singing. This led me to decide I wanted to write lyrics. Lyrics led me to become more and more poetic. I finally started to separate my poems from my lyrics. Now I am further subdividing. I have several distinct styles. Writing short stories is still what I might say is my main bread and butter though. Ironically I have not posted much of them.

[Sue Hart]

Think about compiling a book of poems and getting it published and to do that you should not post those chosen on this site. Short stories are great to sell to magazines and it sounds like you've done this. I envy that ability. Every short story I began turned into a book. Every time. My mind can't keep it short, I see the picture like a movie. Every reaction, move, and word changes from a narration to the scene. So I gave up trying. :o I have fun writing novels. Shorts are a struggle and I find it to be solid work. Thus, my admiration for those who can do this. Poetry rings in my head like a song but when I put it down I hate it. So basically, I know the gift I've been given. Some wish to try and write a novel. I've finished seven and have outlines for fifteen. They take time, but I enjoy it all the same.
You mentioned short stories were your bread and butter. Do you work for a magazine?

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I think if writing novels comes naturally then that is the right thing for you! There is no reason to fight yourself about what you are good at. I might be a great architect but if I beat myself up for not being an Olympic runner then how does that help me to be the best architect I could be? I would love, love, love to publish something. Tell me why you say I should not post it here? I am not naive, I know some work could easily be stolen here, but I just wonder if you have more specific reasons than I can think of. For me, I have gone so long NOT publishing anything that I just have given into the idea of simply posting things. I need the feedback to spur me to get better and learn what to do to publish professional work.

[Sue Hart]

I'm NOT saying not to post! I'm saying that you should not post what you plan to publish. I've been cautioned by those here on this site about posting my work if I have intentions to publish because some sites once you post it is considered publishing it...without pay. I did this one book for a reason. I want readers. I have it on Facebook, Twitter, and other writing sites. Learn my name, like my work, and I've got a reason to publish all the others for selling. My Facebook page and all other sites carries the same picture I use here so that I'm recognized by it. So what works for me, should work for you. Just be careful what you post if you wish to sell it.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

So is the problem that Writer's Cafe now owns my work? I should probably look into that. I do want to have the experience though...I need to share with people to get my confidence up.

[Sue Hart]

I understand, I'm doing the same thing. But they also warned me. Go to my book, Memories and read the posts of reviews and you will see what I mean.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Okay, I will check.

[Brandon]

Like the rhythm and flow. Splendid read and write.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you so much, Brandon! I think my rhythm is really unusually good here. I don't really know how I did that so well this time when I try so often and rarely get it to come out like this!

[Omar Fendri]

I feel you... and I feel every word you wrote. This poem matches perfectly our situation now in Tunisia. I am not so into politics. It is not my thing. But here I can swiftly connect. :) by speaking your mind, you have spoken mine.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Omar, I am so touched that this can be felt by you a world away!! I am very grateful for your comment because it gives me more inspiration to continue! This really is the best reason to be on here, that there is a way to inspire others around the globe. The respect goes both ways, my friend. May Tunisia overcome these struggles and I sincerely pray for kind, well-spoken young men like yourself to be able to help make a world fit for our generation. I feel the older generation has had control too long and the balance of power has been off a long time. I don't mean to get political though. I am just in favor of what is best for the largest number of people. Thanks so much for writing me!

[Omar Fendri]

You are welcome. :)
It's the energy that you have is what we all need to "make a change"... :) Keep writing.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I will do my best to keep this up! I am really shocked by being able to touch people. I really want to keep this up.

[justjenn_2u]

Please continue this. I think the verses that you could add could be about why you have the denial in symbolic terms but never answering in clarity. Good beginning. Look forward to reading more.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you very much, Jenn, for the constructive response!! I am working hard on it. I am surprised at myself sometimes because I don't know where a certain thing is coming from! I really like that you are helping me find a direction! This is what I always enjoy in a good review! Especially useful in unfinished stuff!!

[justjenn_2u]

You'e welcome. I will be reading more of your writing. ;)

[costa siwale]

Well, sounds awesome so far! I'd like to read the rest

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you!! I am trying to come up with more of a outline for where I am going with it. Frequently I get about this far into a poem based just on a short one minute of inspiration, you know, and then I have to let it sit for awhile without really knowing how to finish it. It is where the inspiration gives out and the hard work starts, which I think is the place many of us writers get lost. I am trying to work through it. Do you have any suggestions for what kind of overall point you think I should get to with this poem? Often like with this and "Recalcitrant" I am writing from a different perspective than my own and I don't know where I should go next because it is all just from a kind of character I am inventing. This is more me than that other poem is, but still I am outside my element, so I am not sure where to take it.

[Rasi Rana]

Ghetto sunrise
Over all the gritty lies
Things we help society despise
Yet pretend to ameliorize(do better)
Disavowed(denied) but allowed
People scared, not proud
And bullies who yell loud
Policing streets we overcrowd
Endowed with no authority
Granted by a majority
Does that make you a minority?
I deny that categorically

but they still ask rhetorically
still waiting in the vally
for a ghetto sunrise
spite of their sacrifice
they are yet to get their prize

I came up with these lines
do tell me how are they?
i'm taking a print out of this and will work out on it.
It's a very good plot to write upon
Thanks) :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I like it and rhetorically goes really well there. I may have to incorporate it!! I also like how you used the "ghetto sunrise" as a deeper theme as well! You changed the meaning but in a good way! Thank you for your new direction. I am going to use it, but I have some other ideas I was thinking of incorporating too, so we will see how it comes out...

[Rasi Rana]

I'm glad that I helped U out) okay keep going bro, I,m waiting for the other side of this

read moreI'm glad that I helped U out) okay keep going bro, I,m waiting for the other side of this

Thanks :)