Heaven

This is an older one...

Her coy expression said she'd let the right one in
Staring, lips parted as if frozen mid-sentence
Overcome by the perfection of a moment
An expression of the exhaustion of anticipation

The moment here, a gentle breeze
Signals a fresh start with a sigh
And her smile breaking, a woman forsaking
Sensations of the world for knowledge of the heart

A quiet certainty in the unknown
Intuition guiding her body towards mine
And in me the start of a deep shiver of a moan
She pulls me in to meet her lips

And I slip silently into Heaven

Author's Note

This is from quite a long time ago, and I am opened to whatever changes or suggestions you all have for me.

Reviews

[LadyAnn68]

I am new at reviewing things but I like the feel of the "moment" and the "exhaustion of anticipation"...one can certainly relate to this and from there put our own desires in to the place you describe as heaven.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I really appreciate that you zeroed in on that line, LadyAnn, truly. I like it too. I appreciate that you chose to review my work, as one of your first reviews! If you don't mind reading more of mine, then maybe tell me what you think of my sonnet, "The Greatest Girlfriend I Never Had." It has some issues I still have not resolved, but I think it is a good start. Maybe you can help me!

[LadyAnn68]

Robert, I will try I am an addiction counselor therapist, but a Recovered one and therein lie the difference. I will try to help as writing has saved my life! So maybe we can work through your girlfriend issues through your writing it has always helped me! Yea I liked that line of exhaustion of anticipation..how do you think we women get through that monme as well??? LOL hahaha

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Fascinating...Well, I think I am addicted to love (quite seriously) and much of the poetry on here I have posted is a product of that. It is mostly a healthy addiction, but like many of us I think I might take it too far occasionally. Writing has saved me lately too...from the throes of a terrible break up. Please feel free to counsel me!! I need it. I am seeking one, in fact!! You bring up a good point too! I should try writing this from the female perspective, or we could together if you have the time!

[LadyAnn68]

You should try writing your personal feelings in a poem. They are about to publish my poetry therapy workbook this year I hope! But sure we can try!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I do try. Actually most of my posted works on here are not really my most recent. I am really proud of you for having a book coming out!! That is a dream of mine, eagerly wished!! Let's try writing together when you are game. Send me a message of your version. We will go back and forth.

[costa siwale]

Awesome piece, serene and captivating

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks!! I am glad that even if there are only limited words that describe the landscape, you picked up that I was imagining a desert island kind of setting. That is perceptive, and I am glad you let me know that I was getting that across!

[costa siwale]

Sure, you are welcome

[SquinklaPsyOps]

It works, the beginning describes approveness of a soul to move forward into a door that could be described as Heaven where spirits factory takes place and newborns created delivered to earth.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you!! No one else seems to have read this yet, so I really appreciate your comment. It is an old poem, but I think it works too!