Christmas Alone

For those dear friends who worry about me, this is not actually about me personally. I have known what it feels like to be alone for the holidays, however, and I thought it is a worthy topic."

Lights hung up with a hollow heart
Voices of couples drifting in make me start
Christmas alone this year cuts me deep
My memories of you and your smile won't sleep

Long gone now, the pain's a dull ache
I don't wonder how feelings for me you'd forsake
I only question if vengeance is wise
When all it removes is the love from your eyes

The money for presents still sits in the bank
And I, like ol' Scrooge, just sit like a crank
Staring at walls by the Christmas lights' glow
No generous feelings on my face to show

In giving and receiving it's thought that should count
No exchange is present, so I've no thoughts to mount
I hold on to my love, and you on to yours
And all I can feel is the shutting of doors

No magical sum, greater than each part
And atrophy sets in to my waiting heart

Author's Note

A miserable little Christmas ditty to cool your hearts off after all the love and warmth of a nice Winter fire with family and friends gathered around! HA!!

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I think many of us, have felt the feeling of this, and the way you bring it to paper, or to my screen is just brilliant. Good word play, rhyming, flow, all it needs, wit, too.... ;) Lovely and serene ending there.
I know this piece was inspired, sigh... and I so appreciate the way you give it a turn... a twist. You're a Robot lol ;) ♫ anyhow Robear, I must check out more soon, I'm hooked to your stuff, in any sense.
Keep on writing, experimenting, you doing great. Plus, I truly hope all next Christmas times, will never be ever alone to anyone ;) that's a promise! thanks for the brilliance, always.

- Elisa

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you!!! Here is to better Christmases and many more great pieces to read on here!! Glad to have you back. What do you think of Robbie going away?!!

So true!!! I'm glad to be back too, thank you so much, I know she closed her account... But as she is an angel, she will fly by ;) you will see...

[TL Boehm]

When we are selfish our world just spins faster and tighter until we are black holes. Putting our arms out slows us down but there is risk involved. I liked this. I've had Christmases just like this.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I know the feeling, and I love how you describe it. Excellent explanation of how you slow down when you put your arms out. Great way to put that!!!

[emmajoy]

Sadist you, saying such a thing come new year! Been advised to visit your corner, to read this and that. Ever obedient, I will, but poems for now. There's a light cloak wrapped around this poem, needs to be held aside or raised to show phrases that are meant to explain just how or why and, mostly do. However, in some places, not sure if there's a little hint of drama, almost secretive. Perhaps that's what you mean about cooling hearts, bringing thought down to ground. A little satire intended perhaps. Interesing, grey, '.. I hold on to my love, and you on to yours ~ And all I can feel is the shutting of doors.. '

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

The dissonance you feel may derive from the fact this is not entirely a true happening. I wasn't really alone for Christmas this time, but I was imagining my ex and her being alone. I was trying to write from her perspective, but as always that is difficult. I may have to alter it to make it more about me and less about her, but I kind of wanted to try being in someone else's mind...you know?

[emmajoy]

I know.. did realise that. Tis hard to analyse someone's thoughts or intentions

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Oh, well I feel you are doing a good job. You are picking up on something I did as well. I didn't consider it one of my best. Actually this was meant to be a collaboration, but it hasn't had the other part added yet! I am grateful for your comments! I am also surprised this poem has been as well received as it has been!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

You gave a stellar interpretation of this poem by the way! You are quite insightful!! I suppose now, a month later, I hardly need to say that, but looking back at this review of yours I have to say it is seriously top notch!

[icelandicblue]

We grieve in the ways we know, the ways we can. It is so hard to be "merry" when your heart is broken. Presents under the tree mean nothing when the present we live in echoes with loneliness. Make no false pretense and allow yourself the time because it will not always be like this but in these moments we must accept what isn't until we are ready to move on. A very somber piece of writing among the holly and twinkling lights.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Echos, great word for it! You inspire me with well-worded thoughts. Thank you. Somber is a good word too. You are making me think of a possible follow up!

[Odysseus Wanders]

So refreshing to hear. Beautiful exposure. Thank you.

[Praveeta]

Truly heartfelt and relatable.

[MsJewel]

A sad and lonely Christmas tale that truly is heart breaking. When the words we write touch the readers heart, we know we have written a great poem....and you have touched mine.

:) Julie

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, Ms. Jewel! It is an honor to be able to have this effect on you. I am proud of the fact I wrote this poem actually on this site! I feel I am improving greatly thanks to help from the great people on here, and I will have to check out more of yours!

[Joiedevivre]

I can feel the numbing pain here. Christmas often creates a stark juxtaposition against which to measure our loneliness and you have done a marvellous poetic job here of describing how this felt to you. With your carefully selected words, such as the clever dual use of 'present' pull it all together and the last two lines make for a powerfully melancholy ending. You have made your feelings tangible. Having spent a few Christmases on my own I can relate to some of this, but having said that, some of my best Christmases have been spent enjoying my own company :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow! You noticed the dual use of present! Thank you so much!! I was hoping someone got that. Good review!! I really appreciate it! It fortunately is not really about my Christmas, but I have experienced this loneliness. I was writing this as an homage to friend. Luckily I may have spent many holidays away from family in my time, but this wasn't one of them. Thanks for specifically mentioning the "couplet" at the end. I deliberately wanted to end with a couplet in the sonnet style, even if the structure is not very formal. It is true what you say though, at times the best holidays are also spent alone. It is all state of mind, isn't it?

[Joiedevivre]

absolutely, and of course that state of loneliness can extend to any other time. I look forward to reading more from you.

[aakash01]

we can feel the darkness that surrounds the poem; the pain this feeling brings to the poet seems so original and so easy to feel in my own heart.the good thing is that the poet has not held his feelings back for the sake of neatness of the poem, establishing true life in it.i'm amazed by it, and i think the other readers feel the same way.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I am very grateful for your take on it. I wasn't sure if it was too free form or if it worked that way. Sometimes I feel structure is necessary, and other times it just seems unnecessary. Thanks for letting me know that the lack of "neatness" is not a detriment!