Last Breath

Been so long since I've been strong
Muscles twitch but I won't give an inch
My tender years were so filled with fears
I won't back down now I can stand my ground

And I've been bleeding, been bleeding so long
I can't feel it anymore, in my ears I hear the roar
And by my last breath I will find my meaning
Heart's still beating...slow and steady now.

Losing you...It meant the world to me
I finally dropped that weight...now I can be free
Your bitter kiss, so selfish in your bliss
My lips taste dampness now, fresh air smells sweet somehow

And I've been bleeding, been bleeding so long
But oh, that feeling, that feeling's coming back again
And by my last breath I will find my meaning
My heart's still beating...slow and steady now.

Painful radiating pinpricks, I'm paralyzed
Burning icy coolness, in my eyes
Muscles clenching, shoulders wrenching
From my death bed I rise.

And I've been bleeding, been bleeding so long
But I'm not anymore, from far away I hear me roar
And I swear by my last breath that I will find my meaning
While my heart's still beating...strong and steady now.

Reviews

[LadyAnn68]

This is not your usual style and I like this. You are coming from a different place and that is good to see. I hope your heart last till that last breath!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much LadyAnn! I'm glad you noticed this really isn't my usual style! I like to throw myself off as much as I can and not get too stuck in one style. It was a such a shock when I wrote this because it just came out and honestly I have learned more about where it was coming from after the fact from people on here!

[LadyAnn68]

OMG that happens! It was a twist and a good one I think!

[LadyAnn68]

You know it reminded me of my mother's last dying breath and her message to me....

[kublakhan27]

Some ingenious little twists with the inverted rhyme scheme and repetitions...it opens the door for a bit of irony when taking in the bittersweet story it tells, though I definitely relate to it from both sides of the emotional coin...great piece :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you sincerely! I am actually surprised this has been getting such warm reviews and I have actually really learned a lot about what this piece is about. It sounds like I am being dramatic, but the truth is that I have understood this piece more from people's reactions to it than I did when I wrote it! Weird how that happens sometimes!

[kublakhan27]

Haha I know just what you mean...I'm okay with that though :)

[A. Amos]

Robby my friend, this one you have kept your heart open and you wrote from the bottom of your soul, a must read, daring & stylish and best form of romance you bought alive in your words. Bravo

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Terrific review!!! Thank you!!! I appreciate your saying it is stylish especially. Something about this poem is very different. I tried to keep my ego a bit vague. Hard to explain I guess. I just didn't let myself get over-invested in certain details. I think it makes it a song lyric almost, more than a poem, but it still is probably most effective as a poem.

[Priscilla Sayers]

There is pain and sorrow that pulses through each stanza. Nicely expressed.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much, Priscilla! I am very glad to have you read this one. It is older but because people have had such warm and positive words about it, I have been able to see it in a new light! I love when people's comments on here can give new meaning to something I had perhaps not fully understood myself.

[Priscilla Sayers]

Another's perspective is always a refreshing new way to dive into the emotions that come alive in each writer's piece. Understanding is one of our basic needs and as a whole, the more we come together and keep an open mind the more we grow.
Much Love Rob!
XX

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is a great way to grow! Thank you for showing me!

[Traci]

Whether this was intended for poetry or lyrics this is well done, my friend. A perfect expression of raw emotion, just writing from the heart and soul. Very bittersweet, Robby, but beautifully written.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, Traci! This was an unusually esoteric write for me. I was being deliberately kind of non-specific. It was therefore more like lyrics because it is more feeling than specific words. I appreciate all you get out of my poetry!!!

[Traci]

My pleasure, looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks so much!! I suppose I need to start posting more...I have notebooks literally sitting in a stack by me right now. I just have to look through them. Not all are worth posting, obviously. I know there are plenty in there that could be tinkered with though...

[Traci]

I promised I would keep you inspired to pursue your dream .... now get writing, and share your beautiful words with the world. Don't hold back, write from the heart and soul.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Okay, I am going to try. I have had a few false starts in the last few days, but more is coming shortly!

[Traci]

Don't force it ... let the words come to you.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Experientia docet stultos!

[Priscilla Sayers]

Yes, Robby, it does, but only if we do not learn from those experiences....

[Priscilla Sayers]

If learned, those lessons, we must remember, brings wisdom.

[Tina Louise UK]

Almost reads like song lyrics..was it meant that way? You express yourself wonderfully! :) x

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Ah yes!!! Thank you for noticing that. This is another that was originally intended to be a song. It didn't really come out that way and instead it sort of came out straddling the fence! Thank you for your sweet encouragement. This is another very old one. It is from when I was really trying hard to find my voice (metaphorically as well as literally) in writing lyrics. Oddly I still haven't I think, a decade later, but I am much closer. It is a long term goal. I even have been reading books on the subject to try to break out of my strange block about writing lyrics instead of poems! It may seem an odd problem, but lyrics really are their own thing. It is a divergence I am still stuck on one side of. Truly though, thanks for reading this one! Yours is the first review!!