Watching You Sleep

Watching you sleep
This secret moment of mine alone
I have you all to myself
My eyes ravage every inch of you
Every line, every crease
Right now, in this present fleeting universe of a moment
You are really and truly admired
Unawares
Scanning the angle of your curves
Changing shape with new light
Visiting new provinces of you
Like so many undiscovered countries

Is it possible you could be dreaming of me
Or the things I can see
Beneath that beautiful skin
What sort of conscience dwells within
Your restful face
So piqued with innocent amusement
A face to deny life is suffering
Here, at last I can experience true love

Author's Note

A few lines are too long. I have not been strict with any meter or syllabic order. Please give me suggestions on where to edit a word or two so the scansion is better.

Reviews

[The Representative]

There's nothing, which I would say "needs" changing. Do you remember, from before, when it was that you asked me about how one goes about imagining a scene, and telling a story, and my answering that, in part at least, the answer lies in emotional truth; in reading, just now what I've read of yours, I would say that there isn't anything about the language that you've chosen which undermines the telling of emotional truth.......what you've written Robby is perfect - or, at least perfect, in being understood as a subjective form of truth.


"Changing shape with new light"....impressed with this line!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Mr. Representative, I am very complimented! Thank you. It is great praise to hear this is emotionally powerful coming from you!

[Anita Singh]

Wow! This is so dreamy and tender. I wonder if someone could watch and study anyone (or me for that matter). How wonderful it would be to be somebody's object of affection.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I find it hard to believe you could not have been the object of someone's affections in this way, Annabella, but perhaps you just were not lucky enough to have someone to record and share these thoughts with you. I hope you will. To feel this way for someone is so rewarding for both the observed and the observer, I hope, that it can be nothing but a gift to both sides! Thank you for reviewing my poem!! It is a great compliment.

[Anita Singh]

Welcome! :-)

[captain]

A familiar case in every person who is in love. I always believed Love is beyond physical appearance, so loving someone you'll always look for that connection, a string that binds both together, soul to soul, complete. Very nice piece!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks for the appreciation and I agree it is true. When someone sleeps it is the best time to have a pure moment of appreciation for them, I find.

[captain]

you are most welcome :)

[Justine]

To watch someone sleeping is an intensely personal thing to do, when they are defenceless, still (usually) and vulnerable. this is full of loving sentiments that drip with emotion that Neruda would be proud of. I was intrigued with the inclusion of the line "A face to deny life is suffering" . Yes, I believe life is about "suffering" but how we bear it speaks our true worth. To have someone to take the pain away is a blessing. Wonderful words here. Justine

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Ah, Pablo Neruda!! Not that you are making a comparison, but to have him read my work...THAT would be amazing!! I would be ashamed but grateful!! You make a good point that perhaps the feeling of a prey animal looking at the animal who it has in it's crosshairs is a good metaphor for watching someone sleep. It is a feeling of being a merciful hunter, but it is also the feeling of purity of love. The desire to see your love in their purest state. No ego to get in the way...Hoping just to see what is your love, with none of the affectations. Thanks very much again for giving me your favorite line! I like that line too. It felt just that way to see it, but I think this is the beauty of the sleeping face in general in many cases. I love to see someone in perfect bliss in their sleep, you know? As a Buddhist I believe in Samsara, but also that translating Samsara as "suffering," is not entirely accurate. Samsara is just the endless changes of life...at least the way I see it. Happiness and sadness, suffering and satisfaction are all just aspects of the same transitory states of Samsara. How we rise above this endless cycle of birth and death, continuous fluctuation, defines us and allows us to reach an enlightened state. I agree that having that person is a blessing, which I feel all the more now that I don't. I'm so glad you can enjoy my words, though. I long for the inspiration to write more...Alas, of course, I can only accept the gift of the muses when they come around. I never know how to invite them more often and get them to show up!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I thought that was you that night! I jest, well done, good read.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thanks, Thomas! Is it wrong I watch you in your sleep?

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This was very sweet, and cute, all women not have a clue when men do this to us... the fact that you write about it makes it special. You write in beautiful metaphor here. (curves, and countries).
I enjoyed your quill. Thank you.

- Elisa

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Thank you, Elisa and I look forward to more of your kind words and good pointers! This was an honest feeling I had as the sun came up and I was staring at my sweetie. She always insisted on having the outside of the bed as "her side" and so if I had to get up for any reason I would have to climb over her. I would wind up not wanting to wake her and just watching the sun crawl over her. One day, fortunately I had my notebook on MY side of the bed!

You're very welcome, This was a very special poem... It is just beautiful you expressed it so well.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow, that really means something to me!! Thank you! So few of my poems come out as naturally as this one did.

Keep on writing, I think you have a natural talent. :) when things come out like this, it's most beautiful. You're always welcome my friend. :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I enjoyed reading this heartfelt write...Truly romantic!
I would suggest splitting this sentence ~"Right now, in this present/ fleeting universe of a moment"...
Other than that, this reads like a prose... not much structure needed.
Nicely penned!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

That is definitely what I was thinking too, Robbie! I am never sure how "structured" I really want to be, but that just feels too long...

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

I have read a few of your poems thus far and your work reminds me of the romantics ... I would not worry about meter or style if you think to much of all of that it hinders your work or thats the way I see it I stick to free verse .... This poem made me think of how every night I have to leave a lil light on in my bedroom I use to sleep in utter darkness but than I got married and it still dont seem real so I like the light on so anything I open my eyes I can see him cause it's like Im scared Ill wake up to a nightmare of the empty side of the bed

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is beautiful. I have lost my someone recently. I am going through that formative period between relationships where pain mingles with ambition and strong decisions to break from habit. I sleep on weird schedules so very often it would be just the first light of day and I would watch as the sun crept across my lover's skin. The beauty of her kindly sleeping facial expressions. I loved her truly, and it is quite a compliment to be compared to the romantics. I am a huge fan of them, but moreover I am grateful you can see that in my work because all I have posted here is sincere and not meant to follow a style. I don't read nearly enough, so this is just me coming out. I appreciate your recognizing me as a romantic. Now, perhaps I can wear that cap proudly.