The Drunk

I'd really appreciate feedback. Struggling to find proper rhythm and flow with my poems. I'm a beginner, so please be constructive!

The road and the river,

Meet beneath the stars.

The drunkard and his liver,

Drove here from afar.

 

The wind and the dirt,

Polluted by his screams.

Vomit from his shirt,

Spills into the streams.

 

A half-forgotten dream,

And a memory hard to hold.

The regret of his deeds,

And the lies he was told.

 

A liar and his gold,

His happiness all alone.

A fire in this road,

As flesh melts from his bone.

 

The breeze and the flame,

Dancing in strife.

One final thought of shame,

And the loss of his life.

Reviews

[Maverick]

Yo thats pretty chill. In my opinion, what makes this poems is the efficiency on its word choice and rhyme. Well done.