My Real Saviour

Bland, dull, spewed out after a long period of not writing.

"You are important,
An amazing, talented person.
Don't give up."

I'm not. I never was.
The fighting spirit ain't me.
Oh, how I wished we thought alike!
Then dead would I now be.

For a myriad days, a billion times
That I had lost it all,
'Twas you who kept me 'live,
May you beg and crawl!

Not everyone is supposed to live,
Be happy, safe or secure.
Some of us are born to die
And see no light at all.

Let me dress like the dead,
Have hair as dark as the night;
Bloody wrists all year long,
My own sweet respite.

Let me try to hang myself
And cry when all eyes shut,
Or jump into the ocean floor,
The railway track, if I must.

Death is what I want, you b***h
So let me embrace it soon.
Death is my only friend,
My saviour it is- not you.