Another Soul

Another Soul

The vigour-decked waves
Of the mighty ocean
Spat a human soul--
Upon a land far away,
Upon a land unknown.

Sprawled like a dead whale
It lay on the sea shore;
Gasping, saline water gleaming
In its eyes and its nose.

It crawled along the terrain,
Unsteady, yet seemingly in control.
Was it trying to get to know other souls
Or the land its limbs knew not,
Fraternise with that life unknown?

Perhaps a puddle would catch its sight,
Shimmering like the morning mist,
A painted image radiating out--
Mystifying, perplexing; deceiving?

What would that enthralling mirror show?
Would its puissance have the soul bow?
Like the secrets that lurk in the seas,
It would be one more thing unknown.

Author's Note

An outpour of life while and after changing schools
Your reviews are most welcome, and as always, constructive criticism is appreciated. Thank you.

Reviews

[Patricia Williams]

I love the imagery you have here. A lost soul, not knowing who it is, or where it is going. I can definitely see the connection to changing schools.

"Sprawled like a dead whale" I just really didn't like this part. I like the idea of the soul being barely alive, so that one would think it dead. But I don't think of souls akin at all to whales. Maybe there is a different sea animal you might want to replace this with. :)

I liked it overall. I mean, one line out of 22? Not bad. :)
I can't wait to see what you come up with next! :)

[AK]

Thank you for reviewing!
I appreciate your comment, I shall indeed look into that line.
Thanks again =)

[Patricia Williams]

No problem. :)

[Indrajit]

unnoticed existence? Fear of not being recognized by anyone - just another entity? Isnt it a primal fear among all of us? Nice try !

[luna11]

This is such a powerful and well-written poem. I like the imagery :) x

[AK]

Thank you!

[kumars]

good poem i liked the contain.

[AK]

Thank you!

[Abdul Aziz]

The reader can clearly see the emotions going through the poet at this juncture in life. Thrust into a new school, "The vigour-decked waves
Of the mighty ocean
Spat a human soul--" life as an ocean is something oft repeated, but very true.
Trying to make new friends, starting all over in a new school can be quite daunting as you've potently expressed. But inspite of all this, the hope extruded by this stanza
"Perhaps a puddle would catch its sight,
Shimmering like the morning mist,
A painted image radiating out--
Mystifying, perplexing; deceiving? "
completely endears the poem to me. Bravo, well written. Take it easy. My cousin is going through a similar phase, but he's coping remarkably well. I hope life finds you peaceful :)

P.S. Just a minor irritation, but I think "saline water" doesn't really cut it. Maybe "salty water" or maybe just "water"? It may be an allegory for tears, but I think it can better be dropped in the purview of this poem :)

[AK]

Thank you so very much for your long review, and all the time that you put into writing it :) I will look into the use of 'saline'. Your thoughts are much appreciated! Good day!

[Abdul Aziz]

You are very welcome!

[Baban.A.A]

well when Iread works and usually review it in my angle. the poem was really menaingful, gripping and impressive. esp the last line that I am also be unknown which was great and ended the poem with a wonder. I say what if that life we are living in will be a ship, can we live on it all together, or as this speaker many will be dropped out and sent into unknown worlds. we are humans, though there are many like us , we still make more suffreing. best work nad good luck.

[AK]

Thank you so much for reviewing, Baban =)

[Baban.A.A]

you are most welcomed

[anxia]

As usual you are great at transcibing feelings using imagery. Good luck with the venture ahead.

[AK]

Thank you so much for reviewing, anxia =)