A Reply to My dear friend.

Hello Rose, Sorry I haven't talked to you in so long, I've been busy these few months and wish I could talk to you more often. It fills me with joy and sometimes worries me to hear about your life. I've decided on the career path I'm choosing and it's going to be Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse. I've always had a heart for people who are going through depression and are struggling with many things in their life. I want to help them. 

There have been times recently where I have wanted nothing to do with people, my bitterness is getting worse and it's affecting how I see people. When I look at people from my old home, It fills me with anger at how happy they are and how unhappy I am. I don't know what to do about it. I've been mean Rose, it's not me, it's like years of abuse and neglect are starting to seep through my soul. It shows well. Every Sunday I go in with the inability to be friendly with people, I feel a voice tell me that they all hate me and will never love me for who I am. At any moment, someone will comment on me and I will eat them alive. I have no one to express my anxiety's with, so I pretend everything is fine. I need to get out of this prison. This is the valley of the shadow of death, not a place to be comfortable in. I feel abandoned and everyone is leaving me.

Yet this time is not forever and I feel that God is making this idle life that I live in, a living hell. To push me along is what he is doing, onto better things. I feel my life is going to be interesting. God inspired me with the stanza, "It is better to love and lose than to not love at all." The Poet was talking about Death, but it can also be about rejection and betrayal. 

However, my time here is almost done and I will seek after what God has in store for me. Keep yourself pure from the world Rose, it will try to tear you apart. Do not lose the soul that I love so much, that soul which inspires me; shows me that there are deep roots in this world which I need to find. There is no life here for me, I will follow the river and it will show me how to get out this cave.