A Beautiful Death

I wrote this awhile ago its about my girlfriend and the effect she had on me the first time i met her 6 years ago.

You were the trigger to the handgun that was pointed to my head
And the contemporary bullet flew like a ghost to awake the demons that
were sleeping in my bed
The rhapsodic sound tore through the air, piercing the ears of all
unwilling
Then it hits... and the sting... That beautiful sting like a syringe
filled with the best kind of death.
The hallucinating cloud that surrounded my being was more then a man
should ever have to bare.
The shackles wrapped in around my ankles and my wrists hold me in
place. Never blinking and never speaking I embrace this darkness.
Its beautiful... I never want to be without it.
even if it kills me.

Reviews

[mope]

Seems like you met her for... a metaphor.

Whilst Ethan has a good point about picking line length to suit a piece, and perhaps it might make it easiere to read, I reckon the big swirling, numbing pace works well to set the frame of mind/mindlessness. I think you've pitched it well - somewhere in the void between poem and prose.

[Not A Writer]

Good but you should make the lines shorter. Some poems are good long but this one would be good if it had shorter lines. Good write.