A Glimpse of the Moon (variation)

The story of a star deeply and hopelessly in love with the moon.

Like a dream, she glows,

Goddess of the night,

She waltzes slow,

In her gentle light.

 

Like a star at night,

I watch her from afar,

As she twirls and shines

In her silvery gown.

 

And I wonder if some night,

She’ll see me as right,

Me, a star with no name,

A star with no light.

Author's Note

I added a stanza and changed a few lines. What do you think of it?

Reviews

[Brad Dehler]

I appreciated the rhyme scheme and how the poem flowed from first, second, and third stanzas. Then boom stanza 4 was unexpected; especially with the moon infatuation with the star. Then the star declares to not have light, which makes me wonder how that silvery mood shines- must be from another star. Yes, another tragedy.

[Helenna]

Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it!

When I wrote it, I focused more on the star's adoration for the moon and the doubt and hope that the person you love will see you in the same way, with the same feelings that you have for them. That's why there's a silvery glow even though the star has no light. The moon shines brightly and is unique, whereas the star is almost invisible without light and surrounded by other similar stars.

[Davidgeo]

This poem strikes me as strange. As the moon only reflects the light of its star... but this star is in love with its moon... a very tiny variation of its own reflection. And at base, both a member of the same primordial cloud of gas and dust that created each other in the first pkace. Reminds me of the Greek poem about narcissus (in love with reflection) and a little bit about incest. We are in love with ourselves... as a species, as an organism, etc..

That might be a strange take. I had a strange day today.

I love the writing though. It's good stuff.

[Helenna]

I find it an interesting point of view. I confess that I hadn't really thought of it that way but it's quite coherent when you think about it. After all, poems can have different meanings depending on who reads them.

I was mainly inspired by the idea (a bit of a fantasy, I admit) that the sun and the moon are two entities in love. I asked myself "what if a star loved the moon? What would its point of view be in this hopeless love?"

[Davidgeo]

Stars don't have moons, they have planets. Our star seems to love our planet. Our moon however is a pit of despair. Albert Einstein asked himself weird questions like that before he was the e=mc2 guy. As he tells it, he was sitting in a swiss patent clerks office doing remedial work when he had a daydream... what if the sun and all of it's gravity immediately disappeared, would the earth continue orbiting for 8 minutes (the speed of light was known at the time, but the time it would take for gravitational waves to affect earth's orbit was not even considered)... the answer to that impossible scenario is that it would take about 8 minutes for the Earth's to "realize" the suns gravity had disappeared... leading him to further consider the exact nature of how space manufactured a "force" that was far, far more powerful than any other actual force. Which eventually lead to the realization that energy and mass and most likely space are all the same thing slowing down over a span of time that doesn't make sense to us.

[John the Baptist]

I wouldn't get my hopes up. I hear the moon's very picky. I mean, wouldn't you be , if people
had worshipped you for centuries?