Creative Story (untitled & Unfinished)

Another story for Creative writing class, if you have any sugestions please share

 

He picked up every last paper that reminded him of how far he has gotten, how far he has go to reach his final goal. He filed them in a steel drawer, and locked it. He left his empty Office room turning the light off as he did so. As he looked down the only hallway as it is empty, except for the custodian working in the offices, He walked into the Elevator the music was one of those things that annoyed this man Ben, Each time it seems he goes into the elevator the music seems to get louder and annoying. Relief, the Elevator opens and he walks out with a sigh of relief coming from this claustrophobic man. He fixed his crooked tie and walked past the empty front desk, with half dead roses wilting on the counter the gold painted walls and pastel color paintings hung on the walls. The front doors slid open and he walked out onto the moist night. Rain sprinkled on the cracked pavement as he scuffled over to the parking light, empty except for one small black car with a dent on its rear end. He slammed the door behind him as his bucket himself securely. He put the key in the ignition, and turned the old weary car on after four tries. He backed out of the parking lot, driving down an empty road, the head lights beaming through the darkness. Ben turned up the radio as the same old same old music played; Day after day he never seemed to be annoyed by it. He drove steadily, and easily. All of a sudden a deer ran in front of the road, Ben slammed on the brakes and the car halted to the stop before he could hit the deer. The deer stopped its dark brown eyes stared at Ben, its ears twitching. It ran off into the forest. “Damn”…Ben drove off.

       The night grew longer has he reached the west side of the city. The stench of cigarettes and alcohol filled his car; Ben covered his nose with a look of disgust on his face. He passed by groups of people with grim faces staring at him as he drives by. He drives up to his apartment, a tall brick building, lined with open windows, and a stair case leading to the rooms in the front of the building. He parked his car in the dumpy parking lot. He walked up to the stair way, people leaning on the railing smoking their cigarettes, watching him as he walks up the stair case. He glared at them from the corner of his eye, and walked up to his room, 247.

   As he walked in this pitch black room, he flipped on the lights. He tossed his keys onto the end table, took off his jacked and put it on the back of the chair in the corner of the small apartment. He took off his shiny and slightly scuffed black shoes and collapsed on the couch, exhausted. His long feet hung from the end of the couch as his head sat on the other with a pillow beneath it. He closed his eyes only for a moment to think, as the wall clocked ticked in his head, in a pattern. On the end table sat a picture, a woman golden blond hair, light blue eyes, as she smiled into the camera and Ben’s arm around her with almost the exact same smile. Ben picked up the picture and looked at it, as it reflected in his forest green eyes. He gave a weak half smile and put the photograph back down on the table. He sat up on the edge of the couch, running his hands through his hair. He got up and walked into the bed room turning the lights off in the living room, shutting his door behind him. As the lights from the city shine in from the window and reflect on that one photograph.       

         It started with a kiss and ended with a blood stained shirt, Ben’s Memories of Lynn, ran through his head endlessly through the night, Him seeing her sprawled in the middle of the road a puddle of blood around her, as he tried to run to her, she keeps getting farther and farther away. The Phone rang interrupting his dream, on its usual Everyday Schedule. It rang through the sleeping home and shook the window shades. The Ringing would stop then start again five minutes later, until finally Ben got the strength to answer the damned thing. He lifted the phone of the hook and put it against his ear and said in a groggy tired voice, “Hello?” There was no answer, he hung up, and flipped the pillow over his head, hoping to get another hour of sleep. Right as he fell asleep, the phone rang again, he grabbed the phone in rage and threw it at the wall, as it made a large crash and fell to the ground, lifeless. Pieces of the Phone were scattered on the floor and shined from the morning light coming from the small patch of light from the partly shaded window. Hours passed as Ben Slept peacefully, as the apartment was quiet as a mouse, almost dead.

 Ben woke to the sun shining in his eyes, as he pulled the covers over his face in disgust.   He moaned in an annoyed way as he ripped the covers off and sat at the edge of the bed, wiping his face with his hands. He glanced back into the Living room, noticing the picture was gone he stood immediately and walked over to table, a small yellow note stood where the picture was. He picked it up and read it aloud nervously. “..I know where she is”... a piece of paper feel onto the floor, as he picked it up, it was the picture of the woman. “..Lynn.” he spoke quietly looking at the picture. He continued to read the note. “Meet me at the parker street Ally way and ill show you, your wife”. He crumpled up the picture and threw it on the ground. The woman in the picture was known to be dead for 3 years, due to a car accident. He sat on the couch covering his face with his hands, he thought for a moment. Is this Real?...Is She alive?. . He got up and swiftly grabbed his jacket put it on, and pulled on some shoes and ran out of the apartment, leaving the photo of Lynn on the table.

      Ben ran to the side walk, and looked around the streets were once loud and bustling are now quiet and abandoned. He jogged down the side walk, towards Parker Street; everything was quiet except for the sound of Bens desperate breathing. He reached the long black ally, and he looked into it not seeing anything. He took a step into the ally, as a cold breeze swept through him. The sound of foot steps walked toward Ben slowly. “Who’s there?!” he spoke. Nothing answered. A shadow passed behind Ben blocking the light coming from the Ally entrance. He looked around in complete darkness. “Ben...” said a female voice. His eyes Widened recognizing the voice. “Lynn? Is that really you?!” the voice didn’t speak for a moment. “No”. Said the female voice. Something gripped Bens arm, as he was Yanked violently under ground, as a flash of light appeared and the shadows faded.

    Day and night passed, Ben laid on the Pavement Practically invisible for about two days. He awoke to the sound of bustling cars and the sound of distant people’s voice. He sat up and a hallow feeling fell over him, as if he weren’t really there. He stood as he moved out of the ally, as he glanced back he saw a corpse. It was faced down, as a pool of blood surrounded its head, and coated its think brown hair. “Is that...me?” Ben spoke as his voice seemed to have an echo tone to it. He slowly approached the body, and turned it over with one hand. There laid a Man, rough brown hair, he had pale skin and his green eyes were faded, it was him, Ben is dead.

    Ben ran out of the ally as fast as he could as his feet felt light. He ran at a speed he had never experienced before. He ran into a woman as his shoulder went right through her like a ghost, and the Woman walked on unfazed. Ben Wake up, I gotta wake up!, Ben thought to himself. People Walked through Ben as he tried to grab their attention. “I’m here! Can’t you see me!? Everything was silent Ben could not hear the sound of the passing cars nor the sound of the working people, as for they can’t hear him either. “I can hear you” Echoed a strange girl’s voice. Ben looked around and saw a young girl, she stood at 4’8 had long curly blond hair tied up in large pink bows She looked to be from an old forties film. The girl appeared in front of Ben looking up at him. “Hi I’m Alice” Said the girl staring at Ben with a warm smile and her bright blue eyes shined.

      Everything was now silent, not even a bird sang, the air was dead and dry. There was no breeze that would usually sweep through the streets, not anything just emptiness. Alice Stared up at Ben like she was expecting something from him. “Where is everyone?” Ben said looking around. “Sleeping” Said Alice cheerfully as she skipped away from him. “Sleeping?” Ben spoke under his breath. Alice looked back for an instant and grinned at Ben. “Yeah there” Alice stopped and raised her short her arm and pointed to the sky, and as I looked I saw an extremely large dark Mass floating up in the sky, as I looked closer I could see people, they were kept in this shadow like bubble, there eyes were closed, and did not seem to struggle. “What...Is that?” Alice looked up at the large mass. “It’s a Nightmare” Ben had a puzzled look on his face as he tried to comprehend the situation. The so called nightmare dripped black goo onto the ground as it slowly started to move away. Ben stood there in shock, watching the mass float away. “Well what are you waiting for?” Said Alice with a straight look on her face.

              

Reviews

[wordman]

a great story,very intence i enjoyed the read.i love short stories