Brave New World

First new poem written since joining WritersCafe - an attempt to improve on my style while musing on what that means and relapsing just a little into my repetitive style!

Thin watery moon, foggy day

Early walk, chance to pray.

Crisp under foot, cold old day

Striding out, no delay.

Looming hill, muddy walk

Up I go, no breath to talk.

Hilltop view, vigorous walk

The ground beneath me made of chalk.

And I think, I reflect

Lines of poetry flood my intellect.

Are they mine, I begin to muse

Are these my words that I must choose?

I've been inspired,encouraged, challenged

I've seen good and bad in my repetitive patterns.

I've seen the value of imagery and metaphor

and I'm stretching my mind to improve, Or

at least to be open to change.

Temptation here, it is so strong,

To repeat the first verse like in a song,

But if I am going to change, that would be wrong

I need to work out where I belong

in this brave new world of poetry.

I have a tendency to try to rhyme

Is that poetry, or from childish times?

Towards simplicity, I am inclined

Perhaps I'm not clever or refined

enough to live in this brave new world of poetry.

My walk nearly over and I conclude

My style is mine, but it would be rude

To ignore the advice, the food

for thought as I have been moved

by the poetic styles of true poets in the WritersCafe.

Stepping over my threshold

I decide to be bold -

I will try to adapt, but if the truth be told

I cant help but be me, and how I unfold

is a mystery even to me.

Back to the warmth of my home. 

There's no need to atone,

For I resisted the urge to repeat that first verse.

Instead, I sit with my pen and rehearse

and play with the words until something like a poem forms in front of me.

I have submerged myself, as far as I can

In this brave new world, so spick and span.

It's a new year, still early in Jan

A new start indeed, but first I plan

to indulge just once more in my repetitive style and explain in this brave new world who I really am

Anyone can write a rhyme
So simple, simple, simple
And so these poems, which are mine
Are simple, simple, simple
I'd like to be skilled at poetry
Not simple, simple, simple
But still, the words, they reflect me
And I am not so simple.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Metaphor, clever, rhyme, you are right. There is no need to atone for what comes naturally to the poet.
There is such a vast array of readers out there...many who appreciate the "simple, simple, simple" as you put it....but the words reflect the poet and also reflect the readers.
Sure some like the more complicated styles and might say that anything else is not poetry...but not true.
What we write is us...and that is the individuality and universality of the genre.
so go for it, Helen. Write you...
j.

[Helen]

I did think I had responded to this, but can't see it now - so apologies if it shows twice.

This was such a lovely response and I wanted to thank you for being so very supportive and encouraging.

I think I said more the first time, but it is hard to remember when trying to recreate something.

It was nice to write a new poem on today's thoughts and events as the rest of my writing is from a year or so ago. I am off work this week so have been able to indulge myself in this site and feel the poetic juices flowing, but I am not sure I would have done it without all the encouragement from the community.

I hope to stay around and write me, but maybe learn from others so I'm a better me!

[barleygirl]

I will own up to dinging you for being repetitive, many poems back. I don't believe you would be this way, but your poem could be taken as a spoof on me (& others) for being so presumptuous as to ding you for being repetitive. I mean, the way you repeat it a few times . . . I do believe you only mean to show how you're trying new things & reminding yourself . . . but becuz you repeat it, reminding yourself not to repeat, it could be taken as a bit of fun, a slap in the face to me.

I understand how you mean simple . . . I am often dinged for being too complex. But I think your poetry is more sophisticated & more nuanced than you realize. It seems you don't consider yourself one of the "true poets at Writerscafe" . . . since you set this group apart . . . but you better believe a poem like this one was written by a TRUE POET!!!! No doubt about it!!!

I'm guessing you might be so immersed in creative mojo, your lines contain complexities you're not even doing intentionally, but picking up on ambient poem magic, simply being open to the universe. I would guess that you couldn't imagine yourself as a satirist, but this delicious satire . . . and it's satire on me & others like me who dare to suggest you stray from your God-given natural tendencies *wink! wink!* OK . . . I'll get off my soapbox & let you have fun (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Helen]

I hope I can express this well because I think what you have said in your review is the most important piece of feedback I have ever received about anything in my life because your feedback nourishes all those insecure parts of me that need a bit of TLC from time to time. I also want to comment that you have a wonderful feedback style with your *wink! wink!*s and the like. You seem to have a way of relating that is as brilliant as your way with words.

The poem actually reflects my insecurities about being part of the WritersCafe, perhaps even a plea to belong, but being brave enough to step in anyway, to this new world, and on my own two feet. I have a huge fear of "being too big for my boots" and I would never dare spoof anyone and I was worried that people would think I was 'having a go' with this poem. So I love your take on it, that I could have done this, that I could have written "delicious satire" and done it intentionally (it makes me feel that i could be the sort of person that could do this intentionally and just thinking that means it is possible and that excites me!). And I love that you call me a true poet - thank you.

I arrived in the WritersCafe in a rush one day, almost by chance - the idea came (from the Universe) to publish a story I had written to process my childhood pain .... I just wanted to know if it was of any interest to anyone else and found the WritersCafe on a website about how to get your writing reviewed. There were others, but this was where I ended up. So up went my story and my poems, all of which I believe were written by my Creative Intelligence when I was processing 'my stuff'. I felt that the poems literally wrote themselves because they expressed my pain for me perfectly. I wrote them all about two years ago (having not written poetry before that time since I was about 15) and then did not write poetry again until a couple of weeks ago. 

Since hypervigilance is a consequence of 'my stuff', being in a new community was scary ... am I ok to be here? am I doing it right? do I belong? am I worthy?!!!  Everyone seemed very clever and very talented. This was only the second poem I had written that did not arise spontaneously in me like my healing poetry had - instead it had to be worked up and teased out of the thoughts that were swirling around in my head - thoughts about the poetry and also about me. I think that is why your review has had such an impact on me because the poem was about the poetry and it was about me, and you have wholeheartedly accepted both - and a little bit of me has changed for the better as a result.

I don't quite know how you manage to be so spot on with what you say, but you are spot on when you talk about the "ambient poem magic, simply being open to the universe" - that's how it feels to me and I love it when it is there. Of course, I have also been influenced by the words and the rhythms I have found in the (other) true poets in the WritersCafe.

Thank you Margie  - loving the encouragement, but happy to be dinged anytime too!

[barleygirl]

Thank you for a well-expressed & precious share! I'm definitely getting "magic" when I write reviews. I am just a conduit *smile*

[Helen]

*big smile* *big smile* *big smile*

[T.S. Ulmus]

You make a lovely expression here. Lately I've been trying to give myself the freedom to make poetry anything I want. There can be a lot of freedom in structured poetry, still a lot of freedom without. A thought on a walk while you talk to the muse won't disabuse or mock the flock of words and queue's. Put paper to pen and only then we can know your skews.

[Helen]

Everyone is talking about the muse. I didn't know I had one or what it was, but I'm beginning to understand. Thank you for your comment and your lovely use of rhyme in it!

[Just Kim]

So very nicely written, this is wonderful.

[Helen]

Thank you Kim

[Just Kim]

.....not a problem

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Poetry (derived from the Greek poiesis, "making") is a form of literature that uses aesthetic and often rhythmic qualities of language—such as phonaesthetics, sound symbolism, and meter—to evoke meanings in addition to, or in place of, the prosaic ostensible meaning. And – whether short, long, simple, or complex – all are individual and reflective of the writer!

Your share has stimulated my ‘little grey cells’ and is an inspiration to others who share your expressions!

Great share... :-)

[Helen]

Thank you. I did look up "what is poetry?" on the internet and decided that what I write is poetry, but I am grateful for these comments. I like your name too Phill 😀

[Pete]

good food for thought. what comes out is a reflection of what is inside the poet. it can be whatever you think and feel. you shouldn't fit any mold. your honest thoughts and feeling no matter the form. they follow no particularly format. whatever works for you, i say let it flow ... :)

[Helen]

Thank you Pete. Appreciate your comments

[Gee]

There is a skill in writing simple poetry, poetry that is frowned upon by some for not being "clever" enough, which is bollocks :))
You write what you wish Helen and let it be liked by those that appreciate the skills needed.
Were you walking on Dunstable Downs by any chance ?

[Helen]

Thank you so much Gee.

Nearly, but not quite - not Dunstable Downs, but Warden Hill in Luton. Was it the chalk beneath my feet that was the clue?!

Lovely to meet a 'local' on here and thank you for your comments.

[Helen]

I've just read your profile - like the code breaking reference!

[Helen]

Oh and just realised the image - is of Blows Down which is part of Dunstable Downs. It suited the poem better than the pictures I had of where I actually was!

[Gee]

I know Luton well having worked in and around there over the last 30 off years. At present I manage the carpenters on a site near Thorn :))...

[Helen]

Small world! 🙂

[Gee]

Very small. Years ago sat chatting to a fellow when abroad on holiday, turned out he was in the process of selling one of my brother's houses

[Helen]

When those things happen, it is pretty startling. Makes you wonder about cosmic coincidences / connections

[Dave Brown]

Personally I enjoy the simple poems because I am getting too lazy to have to try and interpret the meaning behind it all

[Helen]

I like this - thank you 🙂

[Chris Shaw]

I really enjoyed what you have created here Helen. Be you, there is no need for you to mimic others. You have your own poetic voice which may evolve with time, just as mine has. Everything I started with was in rhyme, I still love it, but I have evolved. Be the natural you and let your muse point the way. Don't concern yourself with simple. Some of the stuff I like best is simply expressed, but tugs on the emotions and is so heartfelt. Just express yourself in your own unique way.

Chris

[Helen]

Thank you Chris for your lovely encouragement and sharing your experience of how you have evolved. And thank you for your comments on simple.

[Paul Bell]

I think you summed it up yourself. It's your style of writing, the writing that makes you happy.
Every poet has their own way of writing, in a way it defines them. Poems to me are short stories, if they resonate even better. I don't know if you do this, but when you write a poem, leave it for a day then go back to it, you'll be amazed how this can your thinking on the poem.

[Helen]

It comes from within so in some ways I have little choice. I have to be me! Thank you for commenting and also for the advice to leave it and come back to it.

[Paul Bell]

Pleasure, Helen, welcome to the cafe.

[Mauricio Montoya]

yes anyone can rhyme but not master the words like you, I cry in what young and old see alike, yes let those live to find the paths, in which we have reach rhe top where the view is always the same.
its redemption very inspiring to see what we have. Thank you for sharing

[Helen]

Thank you for such generous comments!

[Mauricio Montoya]

forgive me i miss a few words in my review, but i did enjoy reading your work thank you