Life cycle

A poem about the generational life cycle in a dysfunctional family system

I wonder what my mother felt

As I played,

And grew,

And thought.

I'm not sure I meant the world to her

As I played,

And grew,

And thought.

I moved along and hurt and died

And didn't have the skills.

I didn't know that adult life

Continued with those things.

I didn't mean the world to me

With no playing,

Growth,

Or thought.

My children, gifts, the world to me,

I watched them grow and play.

But I had no skills to help them through

And show them how to be.

My children were the world to me,

As they played,

And grew,

And thought.

I played along and loved that time,

As they played,

And grew,

And thought.

But I didn't mean the world to me

So I stumbled by default.

My children were the world to me,

As they played,

And grew,

And thought.

But I always drank to dull the pain

Of feelings that life brought.

My children were the world to me,

Their world an unhealthy sham.

Still they played,

And grew,

And thought,

With small fingers in the dam.

My children were the world to me,

But still it was no good.

With stunted growth I could not care,

As they played,

And grew,

And thought.

So how to find the nurture

That I so badly need?

I found my God and knelt and prayed -

With God I can succeed.

My children mean the world to me,

And recovery has begun.

I face the light,

And start to learn

To play,

And grow,

And think.

My children, gifts, the world to me,

Are with me on my path.

My children, who mean the world to me,

Teach ME play,

And growth,

And thought.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love what you're saying & the inventive way you say it, but there's just a little bit too much repetition for my liking. The repeating refrain: "play-grew-thought" shows no growth or evolution as your poem evolves, so it feels a little stagnant to me. I believe this refrain could be strengthened by changing it slightly, bit by bit, to represent how this growth cycle isn't constant or the same all the time. But on the other hand, many of those who are family-oriented & pious consider "sameness" to be a good thing, valuing traditional values, for example. So I can also see this repetition as showing the plodding nature of those who thrive on "sameness" (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Helen]

Thank you for your advice Margie. I have realised my fondness for repetition needs to be addressed! However, I am publishing poems that I have written historically and at the moment I can see that there is a LOT of repetition in my work.

I think once I've grouped and published my poems, I will look at how they can be improved by mixing things up a bit. Certainly, I will be aware of it when writing new poems.

Thank you again and fondness returned, grateful for you taking the time to comment

In life cycle, I think part of the point is the family was stuck in repetitive cycles and the protagonist (who is me) did not play, grow or think as she should have until very late in life when she was able to pull away from the family system so sameness was a feature until there truly was some growth.

[barleygirl]

Thank you for explaining your poem further. I never intend for my comments to be applied to a currently posted poem. No writer likes tearing apart something that's already done. Only meant for future reference in evolving one's writing, exactly as you say!

[Helen]

I am very happy that you should comment on any of my writing - it's not tearing it apart, but adding!

I am just putting together another book using poems that I have already written and I am very conscious of the repetition. It will have to do for now as all is a learning process 🙂

[barleygirl]

I didn't mean me tearing apart your poem. I meant most poets don't like to tear into their own poems (change them) after they're considered finished.

[Helen]

Thank you for clarifying Margie.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

someone meaning the world to us is not enough...we need to follow through on that love and to nurture them...the parent cannot be the child...
this is very moving and intricate with its themes...and the repetition works so well
to drive home that idea of the speaker trying to convince herself that she did her best, when she knows she came up short.
really excellent poetry here.
j.

[Helen]

Yes, the parent cannot be the child and the child should not be the parent.

Thank you for your comments. I seem to use repetition a lot - you say it works well here, but I noticed that I use it in almost all my poems which is maybe too much. Or maybe just my style / says something about me?

Thank you for taking the time to read.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Might be a style thing, but it isn't it interesting how we learn so much about ourselves when we reflect on our own work, and maybe even more when others reflect on it?
j.

[Helen]

Indeed - I have learned a lot here from others comments about my poetry and other people's. I have also become much more conscious of how my poetry might be received as it has - until now - been entirely personal. Thank you for your encouragement