Desolation

 Felicia froze as she approached Jade.  She stood there trembling hesitant to move forward. There was something about her, something dangerous. An air around her like a viper ready to strike. Her eyes widened as she took in the many dead bodies scattered across the field, some including the one at Jade’s feet  mutilated far beyond necessity. Fear overwhelmed her the urge to run, to flee the events of the night, and this moment, leaving it all far behind flooded across her, but no matter how her heart pounded, or how strongly she desired to run, she could not make herself move. Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud her heart raced, her mind raced, but her feet, her feet would not move! Her heart leapt to her throat choking her, she tried to stifle the sob as a cry of terror rose within her. *Sniffle*  Suddenly the dangerous, air seemed to vanish. “J-Jade” she called out meekly. “They kill, *sniff* they they killed,” and then the tears came bursting, streaming down her cheeks has she stumbled forward outstretched hands clutching her beloved chicken. Crashing into Jade and throwing one arm around her she brought them both stumbling to the ground as she curled up coddling the dead chicken in one hand and hugging Jade fiercely with the other as she sobbed. “ I didn't mean it, I really didn't when I said... I didn't mean.. I didn't think…. this... this... this wasn't supposed to happen... I didn't mean it Jade. I'm sorry... I didn't mean it... I didn't mean it please... I didn't mean it.”

   Fool girl!  Jade thought to herself as she reached one arm around Felicia  hurriedly running her hand along the ground around her trying to locate her spar hook. “what was she thinking running at me, toppling us both to the ground like this does she have any idea what kind of danger she just put us in!” as she quickly scanned the field for any remaining beasts.

She stood up, pulling Felicia who was still clinging to her and the chicken to their feet. “The chicken is dead.” she said matter-of-factly, pulling the bird from her hands and letting it fall to the ground with a loud thunk. “And the farm is gone. There is nothing to be salvaged. The house and barn have been raized to their foundations. There will be no rebuilding this year, we are too late to replant, there will be no crop, the livestock is dead, and I suspect there will be none to buy in any of the surrounding villages.”

   “What will we do?” Bleary eyed Felicia stared up questioningly at Jade as she gasped for air between sobbs trying to calm herself in an attempt to stop crying.  “We will starve, the monsters were in all the villages, everything is destroyed. All the people...” She shuddered, and wiped her tears. Standing taller but still clinging to Jade.

  “We find who lives, and take revenge” Jade whispered. Felicia stepped back, a moment of fear tingling through her body at the coldness of Jades demeanor. Studying her for a moment, before her eyes darted back to what Jade had done. Over a half a dozen bodies lay in the dirt, no mud, mud caused by pools of their own blood. She had killed so many. She stared back at her, clothes black and rich brown from the soot, dirt, and dried blood of the night. And for a moment, Felicia was once again utterly terrified of what Jade had done, what she could do.

 “She is the hero, she told herself. She saved us. She is the hero.” And with that she scurried after Jade who was striding towards the village.

Reviews

[Silt]

Hello

It could do with a brush edit, to clean the little spelling errors and such, but that can come later when you polish this up more. I found you rely on personal tags to show possession of action and conversation, rather than let the story do that for you. There are times for those tags, and other times they just get in the way, telling the reader something they already understand. I'll give an example from a section of your piece. Keep in mind, anything I say; regardless of how I say it, is just an opinion, not a rule to follow. This is your story and should be kept in your voice.

[quote]
Felicia froze as she approached Jade. She stood there trembling hesitant to approach. [quote]

Always build on a scene. Give the reader more, rather than repeat the same word. Repetition is a useful tool at times, but it has to still build, still move the story forward. The second occurrence of 'approach' doesn't build or give more to the scene. Perhaps 'hesitant to move forward' This builds on that first mention, and moves the scene.

[quote]
There was something about her, something dangerous. An air around her like a viper ready to strike. Her eyes widened as she took in the many dead bodies scattered across the field, some including the one at Jade’s feet mutilated far beyond necessity.
[quote]
I didn't find the 'an air around her' helped. I do like the 'like a viper ready to strike' I could almost suggest removing 'something dangerous' as a viper ready to strike implies that. So try not to overwrite, add to the story when the story needs it, not when you believe it does. This is called writer's infringement.

[quote]
Fear overwhelmed her the urge to run, to flee the events of the night, to run from this moment leaving it all far behind flooded across her, but no matter how her heart pounded, or how strongly she wanted to run, she could not make herself move. [quote]

Repetition comes in many fashions. Sometimes a writer has to choose between one and another, picking the strongest for the story. You show her heartbeat thudding later on, so I thought this mention could be removed, and instead, keep the focus directly on her frozen fears. It could be the other also, the choice is which gives the story more.

so for example:

Fear overwhelmed Felicia. The urge to flee the events of last night and this moment flooded across her, but Felicia couldn't force herself to move.

Again these are merely suggestions. Another way of looking at things. As a writer I'll give you one other thought. Never belittle your work with 'LOL' and 'haha' You put time into your piece, give it the respect it deserves.

Best writing to you

Silt