Employee's Chill Pill

Poem showing the feelings of overworked employee

Burned out!

Sure, valid reasons it is to back out

As the songs of stress

Horns of sadness

Blends behind the sleek faced passion and loyalty

Bend and pick out

A demonstration placard

"I have a reason I walked in here"

That reason is your inspiration

Your motive

Your vision 

Your hidden believe

That you're, and enough

To keep your mouth shut

Endorsing to be enemy of your rest

This time a pillow asks, "Enough yet?"

And who knows. One day

When caught as mayonnaise is sandwich

Garnished with empathy and vision

Lusted after by labourers and critics

Your silence and unrest

Had earned you coins of reasons

To understand others when for you they take

What you now call "chill pill"

But ol'gal

It is quite painful, deeply painful

When you didn't sign up for it,

Did you?

Author's Note

I wrote this when I went through deep pains of not being paid for my service....I sure will not love someone to experience what I did.

Reviews

[Mirror]

Jay D!

Is it by force? I didn't even check how many view because I am here to have fun. Its not about me but your arrogance and I know it all attitude where by lots of people here maynot be able to say it. To have a top reviewer poked here means this peom is good enough!

I am very comfortable and not aspiring to publish. So, shhhh and move on. Correction is both ways! Writer or reviewer! My world record breaking JayD, cool off and let it be!

I don't need reviews to be confident. Watch it my dear, thin line between darkness and light.....love and hate. Brighten up.....move on

[JayG]

In this, you're reacting to events that you never make real, or clear, to the reader. it works for you because for you each line points to events, reactions, desires, and, the reasons you were moved to comment, all stored and waiting to be evoked, in your mind.

But what of the blank slate that is the reader? For them, each line points to events, reactions, desires, and, the reasons you were moved to comment, all stored and waiting to be evoked, in *YOUR* mind. But without you there to clarify...

Your emotions are real, and the poem is therapy. But for the reader, who lacks context, can it be more than words in a row, meaning uncertain? Write from your life and from your chair, of course. But to move the reader emotionally, which is what the reader seeks, you must take them, and their understanding into account.

So, instead of telling the reader how you feel, make them feel it. Instead of addressing someone unknown, make the reader react to them, as you did. Don't TELL the reader. SHOW them by making them experience the reason behind your emotion. Make the reader WANT to know what you tell them. Give them reason to feel and care.

As E. L. Doctorow puts it, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Since our school days were devoted to preparing us for employment, we learned only the nonfiction writing skills that employers value. The emotion-based skills of poetry weren't even mentioned as existing, then, but, they're necessary for poetry, So, if you've not yet done it, you might want to try a few chapters of a book like Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[Mirror]

JayG... Thank you for your kind review! No matter how constructive a review is, it always hit below the belt. It is expected that to grow in writing, you accept reader's views....

However, read carefully! Not all poetry are evolved into modern day make-easy reading. Percept by percept.....start with my opening line!

"Burned out!"

My style and tone may not satisfy your elite professionalism or experience... But let's not kill the balance by making it reader-centered or author-centered. I wouldn't manipulate my readers feelings. I let them grow up by themselves through my words. Best books are written when readers make their choice. Like you did right now.

[JayG]

However, read carefully!

Look at the words as a READER must:

• Burned out!

What meaning can that have to a reader? We don't know if you mean, at work, from drugs, of marriage, or an appliance.

You begin reading knowing your intended meaning. The reader doesn't. So, the first line is a throw away because it lacks context.

You're not there when it's read, so the reader has only the meaning that the words suggest to THEM, based on their life experience, not your intent.

• Sure, valid reasons it is to back out

WHAT? "valid reasons it is" is Yoad-speak. But that aside, back out of what? You know. Bu,t the reader? Not a clue.

• As the songs of stress Horns of sadness Blends behind the sleek faced passion and loyalty

What in the pluperfect hells can this mean to a reader who's still wondering what you're talking to?

A confused reader isn't going on, to sus out the meaning, unless the words, in and of themselves, makes them want to.

Try this: Have your computer read it to you, to better hear what the reader gets as they read. Fair warning, though, it can sometimes be an "Aw s**t!" experience.

An even better test of what the reader 's reaction will be is to hand this to someone who hasn't seen it before, and hasn't read your work.

Tell them you found it on the Internet and want someone else's opinion and ask them to read it aloud, so you can hear a reader's reaction.

Just be sure to stand where you can see their face as they read, but they can't see your tears. 😆

[Mirror]

JayD

Read "Air of Sadness" by Antonio Liao

Montessori hands-on and PLAY-WAY, maybe a touch of sensorial materials should be by the corner too.

You're speaking for yourself not my readers. Sweetheart, you've been long enough in the system to loosen up. Haven't you gotten enough point's already?

My first point still stand! Writersafe is not classroom and it's colorful enough to permit evolution. I just came online today and smiled. Six years ago, someone did what you are doing now to me of unsolicited condescending review, and you inbox me to ignore him. I think you're doing well now.

Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I don't sell anything here, so let's make peace.

[JayG]

• Read "Air of Sadness" by Antonio Liao

A sample of one, by a unpublished poet proves what? that you can write in the style of someone who can't sell their work? Who can't?

• You're speaking for yourself not my readers.

I AM one of your readers, remember? And strangely, there've been no others commenting on this poem. That, in and of itself, should tell you that it's not catching the attention of the 53 people who looked at it. Perhaps that's because it lacks context for the reader, as I pointed out?

And in the end, what did I do to upset you so but tell you that it lacks context for the reader, and suggest working on making the reader feel the emotion, rather than telling them about yours? I suggested a book on poetry by a lady who is published, and acclaimed as a poet.

• Haven't you gotten enough point's already?

Someone you don't know took time he didn't have to, to point out problems that are getting in your way. Your reaction is to take it as a personal attack. But...you left the comments window open, so you were hoping for praise. And you didn't include a note that you were seeking validation, not honest critique.

In fact, had I praised the piece you would have accepted that without hesitation. Taking what's not praise as an attack is hardly a balanced approach.

No one says that you must accept suggestions. But complaining that someone dared express less than praise is the mark of the amateur.

• My first point still stand! Writersafe is not classroom

Nor is it a publishing venue. It's a public website that's dedicated to writing Andit has a window for eachpiece where readers can post their reaction. If you don't want people to point out the flaws the solution is simple. Take the time to learn the skills of the profession that have been developed and refined over centuries, and post work that MAKES the reader praise it. It's that simple.

“A writer, shy or not, needs a tough skin, for no matter how advanced one’s experience and career, expert criticism cuts to the quick, and one learns to endure and to perfect, if for no other reason than to challenge the pain-maker.”
~ Sol Stein