Chapter Eleven

 From my eyes that caused all the pain in my eyes, from the falling tears, I was too busy doing last night, it was pretty easy to fall asleep last night. With the addition of Darrius tickling my arm, of course. But all I know is that I'm not even going to try to get my lazy bum out of this bed, because I'm still pretty exhausted.

     I awoke myself the next morning, to Darrius actually laying down beside me for the first time! So, I thought may be this would be a good chance to take it for advantage. I curled myself back up in the covers and I felt Darrius's arms back around me. At the bottom of it all, I just needed rest, so I can move more boxes around today and have right amount of energy to get through the day.

    I woke up for the second time, to see Darrius still laying there. I thought, that may be he was just as tired as I was. We were going through a storm, I would say. I glanced at the clock and decided that it's time to get up. It was starting to get late enough, so we needed to get up and get busy. I pushed and shoved him, and he slowly started to open his eyes up. When he opened them, there, a smile spread across his face. He pulled me onto him, to where I was on top of him and I laid my head on his chest. I felt his warm hands stroll up and down my soft back. The he moved his hands up to my head and he started playing with my hair. Running his hands through my tangled hair. Then he squeezed my neck and made me moan. I put my face into his neck to still smell his leftover cologne still on his body. He did the same motion over and over again. And I had moan after moan. So, I thought, before I started to get any more excited, I think it would be best to just get off of him and get downstairs.

     We walked downstairs, to see that no one was there. I pulled the home phone from the charger and called my mom. They were both supposed to be here and I don't know why they're not. It all didn't make sense, because we're moving today. They're supposed to be here, helping and packing. As, I was waiting for my mom to pick up on the other end, Darrius had walked up behind me and grabbed me at my waist, " I need to go to my mom's house to get my things," he said in a whisper, into my neck. His breath was so warm. I nodded, because my mom had finally picked up the phone, "Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, where are ya'll?" I asked. I felt Darrius detach from my hips and I was heard his keys in his hands and the front door shutting behind him. "At the store. We needed to pick up some things."

 "Oh', okay. I was just wondering and may be just doing a little bit of freaking out," I laughed. 

"Yeah. We'll be back in a bit. No need to worry. You won't be doing all the packing by yourself. Alright, see you in a bit," she said and hung up the phone.

         I had the house to myself, until everyone got back. I didn't really feel like doing anything, till I absolutely had to. I pulled out a bowl from out of the cabinet and poured my favorite cereal into the bowl. Cocoa Puffs. I took the me, myself, and the bowl into the living room and switched the T.V on my favorite channel, Lifetime. My phone had started to vibrate and ring in my lap. I picked it up and looked at the caller I.D. It was Siarrah. I should've known with this girl," Hello?" I answered.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"At home."

"Why? Today was going to be your last day. Why aren't you here?"

"One I had a bad day yesterday, and two you know, there's just so much to pack up and my parents decided that moving out today would be better. The sooner the better for them. Don't ask why, because I don't know."

"What happened?"

"I got home from school yesterday and I walked in the house and I just, I don't know, fell onto the floor. In the front lobby, near the front door. The room felt like it was spinning and from there I just fell onto the floor. I was feeling extremely hot. Sweating like crazy. Then my mom placed a cold cloth on my forehead and they called the paramedics," I explained.

"Oh' wow. I'm sorry. DId you find out what the cause for it was?"

" Yeah."

" And?"

 "When I got to the hospital, the doctor asked me questions. Then, she wanted to run some test, so we did. In the end, I had a miscarriage."

The night came back to replay in my head. Tears started rushing down my face. "Oh' my gosh. I'm so sorry, Renee'," I wiped my tears, "Look, I'm gonna let you go, okay? Get some rest. I'll come by before our lunch."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye," she hung up the phone.

   

      As I was just finishing up my Cocoa Puffs, my parents walked in. They set the bags down on the couch. The bags were full of tape, scissors, and permanent markers. Then I heard my mom starting to pack up boxes in the kitchen. So I got my lazy self off the couch. As, as I was walking back into the kitchen, I saw a beautiful vase full of sweet roses. There was a card that was attached to them too. I took the card out of cardholder and read it,

Renee',

We're so sorry about what happened. I couldn't even imagine. But all we know is that if you or Darrius ever need anything, let me know. I love you oh' so very much! Here's my number if you ever need anything, 501-555-2548.

Love,

Darrius's Mom

I couldn't believe this! I went and found my parents, so I could tell them about the note and the flowers. I walked into their room and stood there, "Mom, dad, did ya'll recognize those flowers on the counter? They're beautiful," I said.

"Yes, we were wanting you to find them yourself."

"I can't believe that. She's so nice. So, ya'll didn't know that she was going to do this?"

" Nope."

"Okay," I walked out of their room. 

"May be you should call her and tell her thank you," my mom yelled after me.

"Okay!"

I had made a memo in my head to call Darrius's mom. But for now, I just got done with loading up the last box into the Uhaul that was taking up our driveway. My dad, had came up behind me, "Alright, I do believe that's all that we can fit in there."

" When did you put most of this stuff in here?"

"Early, early, this morning."

" Wow, okay," I went back in the house and trailed up to my room. A room that would no longer be my room. I looked at the time on my phone and Darrius had been gone for awhile now. He should be back by now. Where could he be? May be I'm being impatient. I just need to wait on him. But, something really just didn't feel right, so I called his phone a couple of times. He didn't pick it up, so I ran to get his mother's phone number out of the roses.

       I walked out to the back porch, looking at the pool. Watching the water shine in the sun. "Hello?" I said, once I heard someone pick up the other line. 

"Hi?" she said, uncertain.

"Um, yes, I'm Darrius's girlfriend. You know the one that you sent the flowers to? And I loved them, so beautiful. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you very much."

 "You're welcome, honey. Is there something I can do for you?" she sounded like she had been crying.

"Did I call you at a bad time?"

"No, just that Darrius is at the hospital."

" What! What happened?"

"He got shot."

" Why? Am I missing out on something here?"

"Yes, we actually need to talk about this. I'll come and pick you up and we can talk about it on the way to the hospital."

" Alright, do you know how to get here?"

"It's called the GPS, and Darrius gave me the address. So, you know."

" Alright, see you in a bit," I hung up the line.

      I was running around in circles, because it felt like my stomach was running around in circles. I'm telling you, there's something that's not feeling right. There's something going on, that I feel like I don't know. " Renee', what's wrong with you?" my mom asked me, distracting me from my thoughts. "Darrius's mom told me that Darrius is in the hospital right now. She's going to be coming by to pick me up."

"I got two questions," she folding her arms across her chest.

"What?" I asked.

"One, why is Darrius at the hospital? Two, why do you have to ride with her, when you know that I can take you," she said. 

"Well, Darrius got shot and she said that she needs to tell me some things, so that's why." 

"Oh' wow!"

" Yeah, so she'll be coming around soon."

     

      I saw a black Cadillac come around the street corner. I was guessing that was her. I got up from the porch step and made my to the car, once she pulled up to the mailbox, because the driveway was being hogged by the Uhaul. "I'm so sorry. When you think things just couldn't get worse for you and Darrius, they did, huh?" she said, when I got in the car. I looked up from my buckling up. She started off down the street, towards the hospital, "It seems that way, doesn't?" I asked. I watched all the trees and houses pass by through the window and every once in awhile I would look back at her. Watching her drive. "It does doesn't it?"

"Yep. So, what has Darrius been hiding from me?" I wondered. I was really anxious about the answer. "He's involved in a gang," my stomach dropped to the floor, "I know that was probably the last thing you were wanting to know. Trust me, that was the last thing that I was wanting to hear, especially, because I'm his mother."

"I'm sorry, but I just can't believe this. Why didn't he tell me?"

" Because he thought that you would leave him. Ain't no beautiful and sweet white girl like you gonna wanna be with no gangsta," she said, " It's not a good mixture, honey."

" So, but he could've told me. I wouldn't just leave him. I'm not that type of girl. I like to discuss things, before jumping to conclusions. Bottom line is, is that I wouldn't have left him. Something really bad can only do that. Also, just because I'm white, doesn't mean anything to me, nothing at all. But sorry, please go on. Why did he get shot?"

" Because the gang members heard that he was trying to get out. So, when he came over to my house to get his belongings, they jumped him. Right out on my front lawn, can you believe that? I tried to do everything that I could. I called the police on them, is really all I could do. They took their shot and ran."

" Oh' my gosh!" Tears started to fall again. That made me sick to my stomach. That was my baby. I don't like the people that I love getting hurt in any kind of form, " I feel like it's my fault."

"It's not, honey. He's been doing this gang banging for awhile now, baby. Before you even came along. None of this is your fault. I can't really say why he wants out though, but honey I really do believe that you're changing this boy's life, one day at time and I couldn't thank you enough," we parked in the parking spot near the door, " I know you love him and he loves you. Every time he brought up your name today, it's like his face would light up. It's like you can see little hearts in his eyes, dancing for you." I can't lie, that put a smile on my face.

       When I got out of the car, I saw my parents pull up in the Uhaul. They came? They care? Wow! I ran to the front entrance and noticed there was a nurse helping others, but I stopped at the front desk and asked for Darrius, " Hi, may I help you with something, today?" the front desk lady asked.

"Yes, we're looking for a patient," I replied.

"May I have the name?"

"Yes, it's Darrius Railingson. She's the mother," I said pointing to his mother, " I'm the girlfriend." She typed in the name and there was his room number and patient information, " Alright, follow me please." She got up from the chair and got out from the back of the desk and lead us to his room.

        We walked in to see Darrius hooked up to machines. I hated to see this sight in front of me. It literally broke my heart. I stood at the end of the hospital bed and looked at him up and down. Watching his chest slowly rise and fall again. I wanted to lay my head down on that chest again. To lay in bed together. The doctor brought himself into the room, "Hi, how are ya'll today?" the doctor questioned in a low voice.

"Good," me and Darrius's mom said in unison.

"You must be a friend or girlfriend?" the doctor asked me.

" Yes sir, I'm his girlfriend."

"I'm his mother," his mother cutted in. He turned around really quick.

" Yes ma'm I would've thought so."

" Can we get some information about what's going on?" his mom asked.

"Well he's been shot and um, he'll just need some time to heal. The medicine that we gave him for the pain, last quite awhile, so I can't really assume when he'll be up and awake," he explained, " I'll give you some time."

" Thank you," I said.

"You're more than welcome. Take your time," the doctor replied.

       I went to the side of the hospital bed, where Darrius was lying. I took his hand, that was laying at his side. I laid it in my own hand and squeezed it, letting him know that I was here. I rubbed the top of his hand and lifted it up to my soft lips, and landed a sweet kiss and caressed the kiss into his hand. I let go of his hand and turned around, thinking that his mother would want a turn with her son, but she wasn't nowhere to be seen. Where did she go? I was thinking, may be she was just wanting to give me the time I needed to be there for Darrius. Thoughts kept taking over my head about how his mother said that he was scared that I was going to leave him for him gang banging. Because he was a thug. I wasn't and won't even think about it, " Renee'," I heard him whisper under his breath. I looked up and dried the tears I cried over the thoughts. He slowly opened his ravishing eyes. I leaned down to look deep in his charming brown eyes. "Oh' baby," I said. I kissed him on the lips, " I'm so glad that you're okay. I was so worried."

"I'm fine baby, I'm fine," he replied.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me in the first place?" I asked him.

"I didn't want you to leave," he said.

" I know, babe. I...I wouldn't have left you, babe. Trust me on that, alright? I love you too much," I explained.

"You wouldn't?" he asked, confused.

"No, babe what part of, I love you don't you understand?"

" I don't know, but what I do know is that I love you too much for you to be out of my life."

"I think it would be better to talk about all this, when you're feeling better, okay?"

"Okay."

" And I want you to tell me nothing, but the truth, when we do talk about it, okay?"

"I promise," he said, " I'll never lie to you again, or hide anything from you."

" I hope not, babe," I started crying again.

" Stop crying," Darrius said.

"I can't."

"Why are you crying anyways?" he wondered.

"I guess I just really, truly love you, Darrius."

" I really love you too. Now, give me one of your sweet kisses, maybe it'll help me heal. Right here and here," he said pointing to where he had a wound and he pointed to his lips afterwards. I gently put my hand on his stomach and leaned down to kiss his chest, gracefully. Then I moved to his lovely lips. At first it was just a little peck and then I felt like he wanted more. I felt his tongue wander around in my mouth and he extended the kiss to more than I was wanting, but I loved it. Our sparks flew and flew. "I really love you, babe," he said, with that shiny white smile showing through. 

"I missed that smile, you know," I said.

      It was about midnight by the time my family and Darrius's mother got out of the hospital. I didn't want to leave him there alone, so I stayed there, until sunrise. I guess that means we're pushing our moving day back for a day, huh? I barely could sleep throughout the night. I was just wondering why would he want to be a gang banger? What's the purpose? I don't know if I can hear another lie from him. Or something that he hasn't told me. When I'm in a relationship, I like for us to get along with one another, and to tell each other everything. I just wanted him right now. I wanted to be laying with him. I couldn't sleep without knowing, he's not by my side. So, I got up from the lounge chair that was sitting beside the bed and easily and gently got in the bed with him. Honestly, it wasn't really big for the two of us, but I made it work. I placed my head on the opposite side of where he got shot, " You know, I couldn't sleep either, babe," he said. I was surprised he was awake. I guess we just can't really do without each other, huh? I gave him a peck on his cheek and played with his earlobe, " Nope, not at all. I guess it's because I know that you're not by my side, so it's kind of hard to, babe."

" Yeah. Well, may be we can sleep now, now that we're together."

"I believe so." I drifted off to a deep sleep, knowing that my snores may be noticeable to Darrius, but I know that he would still love me.

       I got up from him, softly, trying not to wake him. I placed myself back in the chair, where I was at first during the night. Then the nurse walked in, in her pink scrubs and black Crocs. "Hi, I'm Danny," she whispered, "Once, Darrius wakes up, we're planning on letting him go home today. I already have the release forms ready, so whenever he wakes up, come and get me, alright?" she said.

"Yes, thank you." She left out of the room and I went to use the restroom that was in the room with us. When I came back out, I noticed that he was awake. He was smiling. I believe that he may be feeling better than he was. "Good morning honey," I said, walking over to him, "How are you feeling this morning?" I put my hands on his cheeks and held his face in my hands, " You look great this morning, babe. Like you're ready to go home."

" Oh' I am, trust me on that," he laughed a deep laugh. 

"Well, Nurse Danny came in here and she told me that when you woke up, to come and get here, because you're able to go home now. You just need to sign the release papers. So, I'm going to go get her, okay babe?" He nodded and kissed me.

       Once, Darrius was all dressed and after he signed the release papers, I remember that I needed to let our parents know that he was about to be let go of. I got my phone out of my pocket, there was only one bar left on it. Since, I didn't know Darrius's mother's phone number at heart, I went through my recent calls and found it, " Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, it's Renee'. Darrius is all ready to go home now. Actually we both are."

"Okay, have you called your parents?" she wondered.

"Nope, but when I get off the phone with you, I will."

" Alright. I'll be up there in a bit."

"Great," I hung up on her and called my parents next. "Hey mom, it's Renee'."

" I know. Are you ready to go?"

" Yeah."

" Is Darrius all ready to go?"

"Yeah, that's why I called you," I mentioned.

"No, I meant is he ready to go with us, to Arkansas?"

"Hold on, let me ask," I put her on hold to ask Darrius.

"Darrius, are you positive that you're ready to go with me and my family, to Arkansas? You really don't have to. I mean we're not really going to have a family anymore, so what's the sense of you coming with me? To add onto it, you're just now getting out of the hospital and we're in the process of moving. You need nothing, but some more rest, babe."

" Yeah, I think it would be best for me to stay, for now," he replied.

"Okay, babe."

" And I need to sort some things out, before I move out somewhere else and thinking about moving on with my life," he concluded. "But you're still going to tell me everything, right?"

" Of course, babe."

"Good. I'll be looking forward to it," I laughed.

I got back on the phone with my mother, " Hey, he said that it would be best if he stayed here for awhile longer. He still needs to take care of some things."

" Okay, that's fine. We're coming to pick you up."

 "Okay, see you then."

"Bye." I turned my phone off, to save some battery.

      As Darrius and I were waiting on our parents to show up at to the hospital, he decided that it was a good time to tell me everything that he hasn't mentioned to me, "So, let's start from the beginning," I said.

"Yeah, let's do that. Well, I started gang banging, because my dad was involved in one and when my mother gave him full custody of me to him, that's all I grew up around. He taught me things. How to get girls, how to get the money, and mostly, how to survive in the game, babe. I remember the first night when he brought home a big wad of money, wrapped up in a rubber band and I remember asking him where he got it from. He told me straight up. It's my job, he would say. He said that his job was to deal the drugs and make the money and making sure that he didn't get caught while doing so. I said that I would want to do that too. And baby that's what I did," he explained. 

"So, where's your dad now?" 

"Prison."

 " For how long and why?"

 " Twenty five years, baby. He killed someone."

 " Wow, babe. I'm sorry to hear that. Babe, I want you to tell me nothing but the straight up truth, okay? Is the real reason why you're staying is because you want to stay in the gang?" I asked him.

"No, baby not at all. That's one of my goals, before I leave here, is to get out somehow."

" Just promise me it won't involve you being killed?"

" I can't keep my promises, honey."

 I shook my head at the thought of him being killed. I took his hand and we wrapped our fingers in between each others.

"You know, babe. I need to see the whole family, before I go. I will always love you. I don't know if I'll ever make it to Arkansas to be with you and your wonderful family. I just don't know. This is where my whole family is, babe. I just don't want to leave my mom here all by herself. I'm the only thing left for her. So, I can't really leave, babe. I'm going to miss you. But I'll always love you," a tear started to drip from my eyes. He took his thumb and wiped away my tears that kept on falling. His words hurt, badly, but the truth hurts right? I wrapped my arms around him, tightly, and I didn't want to let him go. My heart, my love for him. It's all vanished!

      My parents finally pulled up to the awning, where we were standing in each other's arms. He opened the passenger side door and told me to get in. I shut the door and my mom rolled down the window. "Mom, dad, he's not coming with us at all. Like he's never coming to Arkansas," a tear fell once again, " Ever. So, you might want to say your goodbyes." They looked at each other and got out. They walked towards Darrius and hugged him for I don't know how long.

         After we said our goodbyes and after I cried all the way home, I cried some more all the way to Arkansas. I was driving my car all the way to Arkansas, while my mom was driving hers and my dad was driving the Uhaul, while his car was hooked to the back of the Uhaul. All the thoughts that were replaying in my mind, were from last night to today. It was all terrifying and at the moment, I just wish it was all just a bad nightmare. But it wasn't. It was all happening, right in front of my own two blue eyes.