Chapter Eleven- My View

Looking down from Heaven, I can feel as though there will be alot of sadness. Maybe not even sadness. A lot of depression. TheirChristmas will now be full of blues. Darin's wishes and dreams ofthe wedding coming to life, will vanish right before his eyes. As, Iwatch the ambulance rush to get my body out of the car, safely,thinking and hoping that I'm alive. I watched them carefully, take mybody out of the car and place it on the gurney. They ran to put me inthe ambulance and at that they made the siren roar with loudness.While, I saw my body laying on the gurney, they tried everythingthey could to bring me back to life. Then, at that moment, I heardthem say, that, I may not have anymore chances of being alive. Icould've told them that. I mean of course, because I'm up here andthey're obviously down there! There's no way of telling them. 

     While, I'm watching my body just lay in the bed in criticalcondition, I can tell the doctors and nurses are trying everything justto get me to come back to life. Nothing so far is working. So, while Iwait to arise, I wander over to what Darin and my parents are doing.I see them waiting in the waiting room of the hospital room. Darinhas his head planted in his hands, crying. If I don't come back to lifeanytime soon, I'm going to do what some people call, be a ghost oras I would rather put it, a lovely spirit and visit him. My parents, Iwould say are in a worse condition than I am at the time. Especially,my mother. My father is trying, I can tell, trying to keep hiscomposure, because once again, he tries to be a man. Trying to be thetough one in the situation. Oh' and I just recognized, that he was outof the hospital. Wonder how long he's been out? If he got out, beforeI died then that means that my mother didn't call me to tell me.Whatever. That's the least of my concerns at the moment. 

      When Itake my eyes off of my parents, I see Justin walk into the room,wandering over to my parents for information. His face turned atleast the color of the white shirt he had on. I watched him share ahug with my father and mother and then made his way over to Darin.Then they shared a hug. It was all such a terrible sight to see. 

       Then, the next thing I knew was that I see Kaderis, being the badnurse that he is, come into my room and held my hand. Dude, I'mdead. That's pretty nasty. I rather Darin hold my hand than him,really. That's when I see Darin approach the room and I can tell he was getting angry, and then that's where I knew this wasn't going toend out good. It was going to end out really bad, than anything. Isaw Darin lift up his arm in a balled up fist and he went straight forKaderis's profile of his face. His hand had left mine and there wasKaderis laying on the hospital floor. Man, all this drama I caused.Man, I feel bad. Like this was all my fault. And when you actuallythink about it, half of it is, is my fault. " You need to leave, rightnow!" I heard, Darin, grit through his teeth . Kaderis got off from thefloor and left the room, with hatred in his eyes. If they could onlyknow that I'm seeing this right now. But, I don't think that wouldmake a difference for Darin. I'm sure he was planning on doing thisthe next time he saw Kaderis, anyways. 

      Once, Darin got his selftogether, he came and sat by the remaining's of me. He doesn't evenknow I'm dead, until...." Hi, I'm Dr. Colerin and Jessica has been severely hurt in anaccident. It's clearly not her fault. Her brakes weren't working quitewell and an oncoming pickup truck had hit her really good and threwher to the other side of the road. I got all this information from awitness and her boss, Justin. He said that he was on the phone withher, while she was driving and she said that she would have to callhim back, because her brakes weren't working and the rest we gotfrom a witness, like I said. The outcome of her is that she's no longerhere. She didn't survive the accident and I'm sorry," she explainedand left the room. He fell to his knees and started crying in pain andsuffer. It was strange I couldn't shed a tear up here. I really wish Icould right now, though. He came up beside the bed and crawledonto the bed by my body and drew my hand into his. " Why? Why did you have to leave me, Jessica?" he cried out. Helaid his head on my chest. Then tears started falling from his eyes.I really didn't wish I had to Darin, I thought. 

        Then my parentswalked in and my mother went to the other side of the bed withwondering eyes. " What's wrong, Darin?" she asked. 

" Can't you tell? She's gone, okay? She's gone." 

 "How do you know? Huh'?" she sounded like she didn't want tobelieve him, but she knew had to. This was the last thing she wantedto hear at the moment. 

" One, look at her. She's pale as can be.Second, the doctor came in here and told me. You mean the doctordidn't tell you guys?" 

" No," my mother replied. 

" Well, there. You know now. I'll leave ya'll alone. I'm leaving, after Italk to the doctor." 

 " Okay," my parents gave Darin a hug and he left, but I didn't follow him. 

     Iwatched to see what my parents were going to do. My mother had once again, broke down in tears. Then my father had advised her thatthey should just leave. So, that's what they did. But, I watched to seewhat they would do with my body. They zipped me up in one ofthose white, plastic body bags and from there I didn't want to seewhat they were going to do with my body, so I just went back tolooking over Darin. 

      While, I was watching Darin, drive, I saw him go deep into hisfeelings. I hated that he had to be like this. Having this feeling in hislife, was something, that he never wanted to experience. " Why, Lord, why? Why, right now? I was the one that was needingto go before her," I heard him say out loud, for God to hear him.Then, he let out a loud, long scream. A scream of being lost andconfused. A scream that would let everyone know what kind of painhe was going through. I absolutely hate this right now. To evenwitness the hurt, I think, is worse than being dead.

       He drove up tothe driveway of our house and he furiously walked into the house.He slammed the front door and everything. He was so angry to looseme. He went and sat on the couch and he just sat there,dumbfounded. So, at that moment I thought it would be a great ideato go and visit him. I stood there in front of him, but he didn't know Iwas there. He couldn't see me at all. I didn't want him to see me yet. I don't think he was ready for that, unless he said so. Then, I will. Allby words of choice. 

" Darin." I said.

 He looked up, down, and around to see where itcame from. His facial expression had changed from dumbfounded tobeing surprised. He knew it was my voice and all of a sudden he fellto the floor, " Is that you, Jessica?"So, I knelt down beside him, I let my presence touch him. I touchedhis hand softly, " Darin, I'm okay," I explained. 

" Show yourself, Jessica," he begged, " Just show yourself. For me.Please," I slowly showed him my presence and he started to cry tearsof joy. I had everything I died in on, still. My face and skin, werebrand new. It was all so surreal. " It really is you," It was the mostfunny thing, because, the only thing that he could say was, " Can Itouch you?" I thought it was really funny. 

I walked toward him, " You know what I heard, is that you are theonly one that can see me. You're the only one that can literally touchme. It's like I'm still here. Can you believe that?" I asked him. 

" Right now, it's kind of hard to, but I'll try," You could tell that he'sbeen crying his eyes out pretty much all night. It was a sad situation.As, I was touching him, I could feel him shaking, " Why are youshaking, Darin? Are you scared of me?" I asked confused. 

" No, no. I'm just in a shock right now, that's all. I just can't believe you're here. In front of me. After a car accident. And, and, you're okay," he stuttered. I could tell it was hard for him to get all the wordsout all at once, " Can I hug you? Please," he wondered.

 " You can hug me, yes. You can hug me all you want," then hegently grabbed a hold of me and wrapped me in his arms. It felt sogood to feel his love again. He lost me, but he hasn't completely. Ilaid my head on his shoulder and just laid there, not wanting toleave him, then I lifted my head up to look at his beautiful face. Iheld his face in my hands and I ran my fingers along his cheekbonesand then on the outline of his lips, " I'm not going to leave you. Ever.Can't you see, all these bad things that I'm experiencing, I'm stillhere? I'm still here. Let's just face it, Darin, you're not going to looseme. Okay?"

 " I'm glad," he took my hands and held them in his. Strongly, meknowing that he thinks I will disappear real soon, " You're going toleave me right? In about five minutes or so?" he guessed. 

" Yeah, I mean I would think so. Because just think, what would bethe point of me saying I'm dead? I'm dead, so I have to leave you,Darin, but just think, I'm here and I promise you that."

 " Good. As long as you're here, I'm good."

 " Great. Wanna know what else is good?" 

" I don't know, so tell me."

 " Is that I can still kiss you."

 " Oh' that's perfect," then he reached for a kiss and at that Idisappeared into the thin air.