Chapter Five- My View

Words are still placed together...I'm so sorry!! I hope that it don't keep you from reading!! Thank you very much!!

When I got home I noticed that there was two familiar cars sittingin the driveway. It was Darin's parents. I'm pretty happy that theymade time to see us, after his dad being in the hospital for quiteawhile, because he had fallen down the front steps of his house theother morning. I'm glad that he's better now. I walked into the house, to hear merry and jolly laughs coming fromnot just Darin, but his parents as well. Once, they heard me lay thekeys down on the ceramic counters, Darin had asked if that was mejust now arriving, " Is that you, Jessica?" he yelled for me to hear.

 " Yeah, it's me," as I was walking towards the living room, I couldsee Darin's mother trying to get up and hug me, " No, momma, I'llcome to you. Just go on and sit down," I said with a smile. I wrappedmy arms around her, " It's great to see you, momma. How've youbeen?" I asked. 

" Great and you?" she asked when she departed from our hug. 

" Wonderful. Just trying to keep Darin under control as much aspossible. You know him," I joked. 

" Oh' I know him quite well, to know that it is hard to keep him under control," she kidded back. We shared a couple of laughs andasked if they would like to stay for dinner. And I was glad that theyhad agreed to. Momma came into the kitchen to help me fix the dinner, whileDarin and his dad stayed in the living room and watched football asalways. If there was an LSU game on, they would be watching it. Nomatter what was going on at the moment, they were sitting right infront of that T.V. 

" So, Jessica how is it here with you and Darin?" she asked,curiously.

 " Great. Just the other night we were acting like me and my sister inour teens about watching a certain channel," I explained. 

" What was he watching?" 

 " What he's always watching. The sports channel."

 " That's how his dad is. We're always fighting over the remote, butthe best thing to do, is to take a breath and tell him to forget it andwalk off. And honey, that's when he'll come chasing after you,because at that moment, he feels guilty that he's done his princesswrong," she said, while she was stirring the noodles to the spaghetti," You need to try that again next time he pulls on you, youunderstand?" 

 " Certainly. Now, not so much on me and Darin, how's you anddad?" 

 " Great. Since the fall, I've been the one bossin'. See, now that hecan't do much of anything, I tell him what he can and cannot do. Itfeels great after all these years of him bossin' me," she replied. 

" I bet it does."

 " So, how's the wedding planning coming along?"

 " Great. Just great. I mean it's magical. And to have it around theChristmas time, it makes it more meaningful to not just me, but tohim as well," as we were talking about the wedding the doorbell hadrung, " Darin, honey, can you get that for me?" I yelled into theliving room.

 " Sure."

 " Who would that be?" Momma asked. 

" Probably the Christmas tree that we purchased yesterday. He was soeager to get a Christmas tree, yesterday, so we got one. He was sopicky about it, you know?"

" He's a man."

 " But I would've thought I would be the one that would be pickyabout it, not him,"We walked into the living room to see two delivery guys hauling in atall box that held the tree. " Well, son how tall did you really want it?" his dad asked. 

" Well, dad it was time for a change up. I thought it would lookrather nice right in the middle of the fore way. Don't you think?" 

" Sure son, sure," he said, sounding so unsure of it. To him it waswhatever made his son happy. That was it. We left the tree in the box and sat around the table and ate andtalked about the future wedding, "So, you want it around theChristmas time?" his father asked me. I finished eating my role andanswered him, " Defiantly. Like I told momma, I think that it wouldmake it more magical and meaningful. You know?" 

 " What about the attendance, though?" momma asked.

 " I know that people may be on vacation, because it's a holiday, soyou know, we just might make it the week before Christmas," Iadded.

 " That would be better for everyone, because we were thinking aboutgoing down to Texas to visit our grand kids. So, that would be great,"momma replied.I took another bite of my spaghetti and wiped the sauce off mymouth, "Then that will be the date. That means that we have twoweeks to wrap everything up," I said, while acknowledging Darin.

 " Yeah. Were gonna be busy," he replied. 

      The night ended up being short. You know what they say whenyou're having fun and enjoying life, time flies by when you're havingfun. After, Darin's parents left, Darin had decided to unpack the treefrom the box. It took him about ten minutes to put the tree together.Once, he got it up, it was about seven feet tall. It was pretty tall, butthat's what he wanted, so as long as he's happy I'm happy. 

 " Now, all we need to do, is put decorations on it and ornaments," Ijoined. 

" Yep, you want me to go and get them back down or do you wantme to?" he asked. 

" You can." 

 " Okay," as he was doing that I ran upstairs to change out of mywork clothes. Then I came back downstairs." Here they are," he said, while laying the box down on the coffeetable," Would you like some hot chocolate?" he offered.

 " Yes, please. That sounds good at the moment." I took the lid offthe box and took out a box that held the important ornaments. Ipicked one up that was wrapped in bubble wrapper. It was theornament that my great grandmother gave to me, before she passed away, so it was really important to me, " One day, if we ever havekids, Darin, I hope to one day to pass along these ornaments tothem," I said.

 " That would be nice, huh?"

 " Very. I mean we have to have something to pass down to them,right?"

 " Yeah."

 " So, I think an ornament that meant something to you or me, wouldbe perfect," I unwrapped it and easily and gently, I placed it on oneof the limbs of the tree. I took a step back and admired it. " It'salready starting to look good, baby," I said.

 " Sure is," he came back in the living room with the hot chocolateand handed me one in my hand. The mug was warm and it gave methe feeling and mood to turn on some jolly Christmas music, 

" Howabout some Christmas music? It's probably going to take at least anhour to put this whole thing together."

 " Why not?" 

      So, I walked over to the mantle and picked up the remote and turnedit on the Seasonal Channel and from there I felt like there wasChristmas magic inside of me. I felt great! When I turned backaround I saw Darin already putting other ornaments on the tree. "This is going to be a great year, baby," he said. 

"Well, yeah of course. We're getting married to each other and it's the best time ofthe year," I listed. 

" Exactly why, it's going to be a great one." 

      As we were listening toDeck the Halls, I reached in the box for another ornament and placedit on the tree. My phone started ringing and it was my mother, "Hello?" 

 " Hey, I'm at the hospital," my mom answered. 

 " Why what happened, mom?" I looked at Darin with worried eyesand listened to my mom. She told me that my father had aheart attack and was in the hospital, " Okay, me and Darin will be upthere in a bit. Talk to you later. Thanks for calling me about it," shehung up the phone and I told Darin what was going on, " My momtold me that my dad had a heart attack and he's in the hospital." 

 " Which hospital?" he asked. 

" The one downtown. We need to go," I rushed upstairs and got mycoat on and grabbed my purse and keys and we jumped in the carand left in a hurry. " I can't believe this," I said, while driving, " just last month hehad one and then it happened again. What's going on, Darin?"

 " Honey, I don't know. But I'm sure he'll be fine. We just gotta prayfor him. He'll be alright," he grabbed my hand and locked his with mine, " Just trust me, baby."

 " I do. I'm just scared that one day these heart attacks is going to sendhim away to the pearly gates." " Well, that just means that it was his time, but hopefully this timewon't be his time." 

     We showed up at the hospital and ran inside. I saw my motherwaiting anxiously on me and Darin to get there. "He's alright, it's just that he had a heart attack and now he'sfeeling better and the doctor is trying to get him back to normal.He'll be alright. I'm glad you could make it," my mother informedme and Darin. 

" You're welcome. I was scared that he wasn't gonna pass this time.He's had so many in the past."

 " Well I'll let you know this. The doctor said that he was going toprescribe him medicine that will help him and it will limit how manyhe has a year." 

" Why can't he have him them at all?" I asked angrily. 

" Well, wouldn't that be nice?" she said. 

" Very nice," the nurse came out into the living room and looked like he wasgoing to give some news. It wasn't the kind of nurse I thought I was going to see here. It was Kaderis. What am I going to do? I thoughthe worked as a bartender, not a nurse. " Well, it looks as though, Mr.Henders will be fine," he looked at me with nervous eyes. I hope hedoesn't think that I'm going to say anything to him. He better not,especially with my mom and my fiance' standing right beside me, "You are able to visit him, now."

 " Great. Thank you." my mom said back to him, " I guess we couldall take turns switching out. Will that be fine with you guys?" sheasked me and Darin. 

 " That would be fine. You and mom can go in first and then me andmom will go in next. Will that be okay?" I recommended to Darin. 

 " Yeah, sure." Darin and my mother walked back to my fathersroom, while I stayed out in the waiting room. Kaderis came up tome, looking surprised, " So, I didn't know that you worked here," I said. 

 " Yeah. While, I was working at the bar, I was raising money to payfor my nursing school. That's why you met me at the bar. I knew thiswas what you were going to ask, right when you got a hold of me." " Well, my fiance' will be coming out of that room and I don't wanthim starting to think things over about me. So, please keep yourdistance from me, okay? If you do, I'll make it up to you in the future,how about that?"

 " Promise?" 

 " Promise," he took my hand and held it in his and when I turned to see if Darinand my mom was coming, I saw Darin's shoulder peeking out of thedoor of my father's room. He saw me out of the corner of his eye andwalked out of the hospital and got in the car, " I have to go now,Kaderis. My future fiance' may be my past fiance' after thisincident," I said and walked out being furious.

 " I'm sorry, Jessica," he yelled after me. 

       Once, I got in the car, he had his hand on his head. I could tell hewas mad and probably not even mad, more like furious. I felt like myfuture wedding of my dreams may be a nightmare in the end. I laid my hand on his that was free and I looked at him, " Baby, what didyou see in there?" I asked him, with a tear falling down my cheek. 

 " What did I see? Really, Jessica? Really?" he let go of my hand andstared into my eyes with anger, " I saw my future wife with someonethat I hope that she didn't know in any kind of fashion or form.Please tell me you didn't know him. Did you know him?"I had to tell him the truth, especially if I wanted to marry him. Theysay the key concept to a good marriage is to be loyal and truthful.And faithful. That's one I'm already failing, so I don't need to fail theothers, " Baby, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't ever want you tofind out like this. I really didn't."

 " So, you were just going to keep messing with him, until you gotcaught, huh?" 

 " Baby, I was planning on telling you after the wedding."

 " Why? Why in the hell would you keep something like this fromme? Huh?"

 " Because I didn't want to loose you, honey. I really didn't. I onlyused him, baby. Used him," I made myself clear.

 " For what? Money? Drugs? Sex?" he started listing off all the possible reasons why I would do such athing. I knew when I was going to tell him, he was going to be sickto his stomach for falling for someone that was that in need for herwants.

 " For money. I would have sex with him and then he would rewardme with whatever I wanted, the things that I would ask for. Like theother day, he bought me a Gucci purse. A purse that I had alwayswanted. I know you couldn't afford those kinds of things, but hecould, so that's why I used him for the things I wanted," I explainedto him. I could tell he was stuck on what to say about it all. I couldn'teven put myself in his place at the moment. I hope he doesn't tell myparents about this issue. I really don't, " I can't believe you, Jessica. Ican't." 

" Are you going to tell my parents about this?"

 " No. But I'm sick about this. You need to get help, if you're sleepingwith a guy just to get things you can't afford at the time, then yeah,you need some major help, darling. I can walk home or one of myfriends can come and get me, because I can't even stand to be aroundyou right now. I'm sick to my stomach, that I even thought aboutasking someone like you to marry me." he got out of the car andwalked to the side of the road and got on the phone to call one of hisfriends and I went back into the hospital, trying to keep my parentsdistracted from what was going on. It was pretty hard keeping thetears in my eyes in front of my parents. 

      Those last words werestinging inside of me. Killing me, slowly. I hope and pray he didn'tmean it.

 " Where did Darin go?" my mother asked.

 " Oh' he had to leave with his friend, because they were supposed tomeet up with each other to go and watch the game at his house," Ilied.

 " Oh'. I understand." 

" Yeah, he wanted to drop by and see how dad was doing. So, yeah,"I lied. 

 " You're lucky, Jessica. That man loves you with all his heart and theonly thing that I can tell you is that, don't you dare mess it up. Ialmost messed it up with your dad, before we got married and Ialmost lost him. But thank the good Lord that I didn't, because if Idid, you wouldn't be here," she said and then gave me a hug. 

" Well, I guess I need to go, since he's asleep at the moment andwhen he gets discharged, can you call and tell me and I'll come overand say hi to him. Just please tell him I stopped by, okay?" 

" Sure thing. Bye, honey. And when you see Darin, can you tell himI appreciate him stopping by as well?"

 "Yeah."All I thought in my head was if I do see him, then yeah, but mostlikely I probably  won't. 

      Once, I got home I noticed that Daren hasn't even been here atall. So, I guess he really did go with his friend. I bet they went to hishouse. But as long as he's not out there doing something stupid, thenI'm fine. When I got home, I finished putting the tree together withthe music still resuming to play and the hot chocolate still prettywarm to drink. It was just me and my lonesome self. All because ofmy selfishness. It's all my fault that he's not here right now. I gotdone putting up the last of my ornaments and got ready to go to bed.

       Once, I took a shower and wrapped my hair up in the towel and putmy pajamas on, I went back downstairs and cleaned up the kitchen. Iwas beside myself about everything that was going on. I just wantedto end my life, because if I don't have him, then what's the use ofliving? When I got done clearing up the kitchen of all the mess that wasin the sink, I went up to my bathroom and pulled out the hardestmedicine in there and tried to overdose on it. After awhile, I felt likeI was going to pass out, after I took the whole bottle. I laid downon the bathroom floor, because it felt good on my body that wasstarting to feel hot. I started to close my eyes and I fell to sleep.