THE QUEUE

THE QUEUE

A Poem by Akira

I lie here in my bed staring at my computer screen,
My needs have once again gone unseen.
We haven't talked much lately;
All I can say is I miss you greatly.
For the first time in weeks I joked with you,
I felt such a freedom as I laughed,
But it looks to me like that just gets put in a queue;
You're not interested in the tiny time we have,
You'd rather spend time alone.

© 2012 Akira


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Reviews

A very directed piece...we've all been here at some point....what might be interesting to do with this piece is to turn it into a prose poetry piece...extend it out a little, maybe hint more at the history, or at the narrators feelings...also I'm not sure about the rhyming, but this is just a personal preference, unless the rhyme is absolutely deliberate and adds something significant t the poem, I don't feel it's needed...But this is a good little piece, I can see a to in it, I'd love to see what you could do with it :) well done !

Posted 11 Years Ago


Akira

11 Years Ago

Thank you, merry Christmas :)
Inconceivable, isn't it...

Maybe he'll wise up with age.
A girl can only hope, (if she chooses to wait forever)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Akira

11 Years Ago

It really is, I just don't get it. All I know is there's been an awful lot of obstacles lately and w.. read more

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201 Views
2 Reviews
Added on December 14, 2012
Last Updated on December 14, 2012
Tags: Lonely, love, freedom, jokes, laugh, laughter, tears, cry, alone

Author

Akira
Akira

Adelaide, SA, Australia



About
Hi, I'm Akira and I'm 26 years old and I'm from Australia. Writing is a creative expression for me but it's not one that I'm very open about as it doesn't come naturally. I don't write often, but w.. more..

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