Rain

We are thrown together in a courtyard. This is the first day. All of my new classmates, from all different schools are here together in college. Nobody is talking. Everyone seems to alternate between three different states. First, there is the curious stare, searching around the courtyard, looking at things, pretending they’re new, and looking, well, curiously at them. The next state, is fake annoyance, here people look from one another and at their watches, as if to give the impression the fact this is taking so long is greatly irritating. The last is the coy state, the majority of people, myself included; seem to be in this state the vast majority of the time. When you’re coy you are artfully or affectedly shy or reserved, you don’t want to make eye-contact, as if the very instant you do, the other person will proceed to bite you head off your neck, like eating a witchetty grub, only in reverse.

With the wish to not become akin to two of Henry the eighths wives, I switch to the annoyance state. I look around, an expression on my face I try to tweak into a kind of slightly peeved bulldog. I then realise I have no watch to be angry at, so I switch to the curious state.

There is a yellow glob on my shoe, lightly folded over the toe section. I attempt to shake it off by wiggling my big toe, it remains, stubborn. The sky is overcast and grey, threatening us with rain.

Somebody sneezes near me. We make eye-contact, I unconsciously smile. I could say “Bless you”. It’d be perfect to start a conversation:

Peter - “Bless you”

Girl in red coat - “Thank-you” [speaks in eastern European accent]

Peter - “No worries” [brief pause] “My name is Peter”

Neda – “Neda”

Peter – “What an interesting name” [brief pause] “Where are you from?”

Of course by the time I’ve aired this little scenario in my head, the moment is gone, it’s much too late to say anything now.

Why are people so genuinely s**t at communicating, it’s a bit hilarious really, why not just reach out to each other and speak? For me it’s the embarrassment factor. What if they laughed and turned away in response to my attempt? What if I reveal something by accident that I really shouldn’t? Thinking about it, if that’s the worst that can happen; I guess we really are s**t for not trying in the first place.

A wind whips my scarf into a frenzy, I smooth it down, and notice how frayed its edges are. Without noticing, I’m in the curious stage. After a while I recognize this fact, but persevere to observe each thread as they flicker in the breeze, like little worms. I look around at the courtyard, each wall has a door, each door is arched, and each arch is topped with an open book, fascinating. How appropriate the bastion of knowledge that is this college should have books above its doors. The courtyard is large, there are about thirty of us, with enough room between us to spin around with our arms outstretched and not hit another individual. I shrink my nose up as I try to contain the little giggle that emerges when I think about all of us doing that.

I’m a fun person, just s**t at meeting new people. Suddenly I hear a giggle, several giggles. I swivel around nonchalantly to see where it’s coming from. It’s a group of three girls and two boys, I panic, they are within touching distance of each other, and they are making eye-contact. I’m scared because they are bonding, and they will become friends, and I’ll be left alone. I could go join in “what’s so funny?” I could say, I could, apart from the fact that that is the most pathetic way to meet people and they are too far away to say it without walking to them first, and that is just out of the question. The girl in the red coat is amongst them, I could be there.

I’m begging for human contact, just the slightest spark of interest in me.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, my wish has come true. I spin around to look at the face of my potential new friend, but there is nobody there. Just then I feel a tap on my head and on my back simultaneously.

It’s raining, raining on me, raining on everyone. Everyone is shrieking, an acceptable amount for the situation. I look around, and begin to make for the shelter of one of the archways. The rain is beating so hard I am almost soaked before I reach it, despite it being such a small distance away. The rain is cold and biting as I shiver in the archway of one of the four doors, and I find myself trapped with five other people, the group of gigglers, including the girl in the red coat.

 I am unsure what to think. Curious mode. That splodge of yellow is gone from my shoe.

The girl sneezes. Courageous mode. It is the start of something beautiful.

Every time the rain starts to come down, no matter how hard or cold it is, I feel warm remembering my first day of college, where I met my four best friends, and my first love. I still break a smile whenever anyone tells me how miserable it looks when it’s bad weather, because rain will always bring me happy memories. When it rains, and everyone seeks shelter, out there on the street, I speak to them, huddled in doorways, or under overhangs. I speak to them because s**t, we’ve all got mouths, we might as well use them.