How To Disappear Completely

Strobe lights and blown speakers Fireworks and hurricanes I'm not here This isn't happening I'm not here I'm not here.

I disappear into the night
I let it swallow me, but for once I do not let the sadness in.
I will not try to leave this world again.
ever.
 
I will keep drawing on sidewalks for meager wages and the look on peoples faces when they almost glimpse how I see the world.
I am not interested in being noticed, never I will I have a gallery, or a birthday party.
The time will pass slowly if it passes at all and I will become the old man with black lungs and weary eyes
 who comes to the coffee shop in the early mornings everyday.
sits down in the same window seat and orders the same thing.
 People will not learn my name,
nor smile as the bell tolls my entrance or departure.
They will wonder what I'm looking at, what I'm drawing and why I look so sad, maybe I'm a retired veteran?
Maybe I have seen horrible things they can't even imagine,
maybe I have lost someone? maybe I've lost everyone.

But the truth is so much simpler.
you see I never really had anyone.
and thus, no one had me.

I will disappear quietly, leaving nothing but the impression of someone who did not quite fit into the world and even that will fade with time as the tide rises.
the stone in the river drowned and the silent and soon forgotten observer extinguished.
  I think I would like that.

"In the end we were all just humans… Drunk on the idea that love, only love, can heal our brokenness.”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
But you see, I am not like this, it might have taken a life time, but I have learned that people love is rarely enough to heal or save anyone.
All those fairy tales they feed us growing up, never say that.
they never tell you that sometimes
 you have to save yourself,
and that some people
cannot be saved at all.

Reviews

[Kimaya]

I love the pathos in this. I can relate myself to the narrator as I read each word and I feel it is sometimes what a reader really needs. I love the analogies you have drawn and the topics you have touched upon, they have been done with a lot of maturity. Kudos!

[Percy]

Honestly I first wrote this as a personal journal entry, I'm glad you enjoyed it. thanks

[FunkPunk]

you're fantastic, honestly, I envy you

[Percy]

I'm a s****y person to be envious of but thanks