4 Fading summer

One thing I've learned is that, time goes on.
wait what is that saying......"Time waits for no man" I am no man.
but time will not wait for me either.
regardless of what I do or what anyone else does, the world will roll on.
whatever tiny disasters might happen in our tiny little lives.
time goes on.
with or without us.
not even a storm can out last time.
I try to comfort myself with this thought as I stare hatefully at my DSL box.
due to the winds and pounding rain raging outside it is useless to me.
  I close my laptop too and make my way to the bookshelf by torch light.
I finally settle on 'Tell The Wolves I'm Home' only to replace it on the shelf to wander aimlessly around the house.
I love storms,
I love sitting on my computer with a warm cup of tea and scrolling past pictures of them with meaningful quotes written in meaningful font on my dash.
real storms, I.R.L that take the power out and leave me with half finished cold cups of tea.
mostly just make me antsy and unsettled, I kind of like it.
but then I kind of don't.
   Brand new is music made for a storm.
after scrolling through their albums on my Ipod I settle on 'Play Crack The Sky'
my one now familiarly misshapen earbud falls out and I leave it to dangle as I make my way to the kitchen.
It should be too early for light to even have considered making an appearance, but outside is all the light of a winter storm,
I stare out the kitchen window at the gray blue madness and feel like a calm tide gazing at the rapids, so utterly different and full of rage than my gentle waves.
"There's so much beauty in a storm" I smile to myself.
Lightening strikes just outside of the window and reluctantly I realize
I should step away when I fell the spine tingling sense I'm being watched and turn.
I'm almost too calm to be alarmed,
 like the storm, Hayden's presence is shocking  terrifying perhaps, but something that just is.
almost something that should be.

Neither one of us says anything and for a crazy moment I imagine us both turning back together to watch the storm.
what a sweet delusion that would be.

But Reality is a cruel mistress And Mia bustles into the kitchen behind Hayden, 
in the second before she sees me I see Hayden's expression turn suddenly cloudy before terminating the stare.
 Mia obvious, doesn't even have to say anything, her very presence is just loud, that perfect eye of the storm calm, shattered into a million tiny pieces.
This is why I don't leave my room.
"Oh Florence! you scared me!
you're so creepy being up at all hours.
isn't it ugly outside?" I've changed my mind, she is stupid.

"I'm always awake"
I cross my arms over my chest, but then feel petulant and awkwardly flat chested in comparison and leave them to hang.
"you're awake too" I say.
"that's different" she giggles. I notice her hand slide down Hayden's arm when she says this and feel suddenly sick having come to the realization that there is only one reason he would be in my kitchen at this hour.
 "Did I miss something? do you guys like live together?" Hayden says confused, and maybe a little angry and seemingly determined break eye contact with me.
"This is my baby sister Florence silly, I thought you guys knew each other?"
I feel my jaw tighten and teeth grind at her belittling tone.
Baby sister? we're twins!
"Not really" I interject, I'm still not looking at him but I catch Hayden giving me a look.
I'm not sure I know what it means, so Ignore it.
"but you too seem to know each other well enough for the both of us." I try not to glare when I say this.
"OH Florence! you're half naked! cover yourself or something!" I never realized how much I hate the way she says my name.
I look down at myself.
true. I am not wearing pants, I mostly hate pants.
or a bra, I mostly hate bras.
but I am wearing my favorite over sized Real Friends tee shirt that more then covers everything.
but It still infuriates me.
  "I wasn't expecting anyone to be awake! I just came in here to save the Ice cream before it melts!"
I elbow my way to the freezer, maybe more forcefully then necessary because I hear Hayden gasp a little.
and I feel sort of evil sense of joy knowing someone other than me got the butt of my anger for once.

before I realize bending over for the ice cream exposed my underwear. And I cannot pretend I had something attractive and lacy on.
I stanch my ice cream, angry again.
"I'm so f*****g done." I shove my ear plugs back in, the misshapen one scratching painfully,
 and storm down the dark hall way    but not before I hear.
"She's always like that, ahh at least it's funny to watch" Mia sighs.
then smoother
"Come on, lets go back to bed"

maybe I'll relapse to my fifth grade ways and put soap on her tooth brush.
no.
defiantly nare in the shampoo.