6 A black hole with your name

I'll skip this next part Because I don't it's one of the things i don't like talking about
and get to the real story if you don't mind. (IF YOU DO TOO BAD SUNSHINE BECAUSE I'M A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO)

That day we were alive, we stayed out until five again.
it was unimaginable.
Doing nothing, and everything.
things we were too young to do but old enough to know we shouldn't.
 It was the best day of my life.
I wanted want every day to be like that.
why can't it?
because it just can't stupid.
Because she disappeared.
because she's not here.
that's why.

I never got a phone call,
never got a goodbye-hell I never even saw her again.
that still stings.

4 years and 2o3 days today.
just like yesterday and the day before.
that's what I write on my arm.
everyday.
first thing after opening my eyes.
 I think my skin is probably permanently black now,
one of the many reasons I'll never forget her.
One of many many.

Have you ever been lost?
Have you ever found someone, who you swear you'd burn your eyes out with a smile on your face, staring at them if they were the sun.
Someone who caught you on fire like they really were?
Have you ever found someone who is everything you've been looking for? never knew to look for but have been craving for as long as you can remember?
Someone who is everything you see when you close you're eyes?
someone who made you forget you had a heart or lungs or kidneys or skin or flesh or fat or bone or water or blood.
Someone who made you forget everything but the need to be close to them?
I hadn't.
I had not even met one person I liked.
All I had was the faint memory of a pair of normal nice parents. and the wish that I could've died In their stead--or at least that we could've died together.
 
Then I found her
Brinnley no last name.
Brinn.
And I had everything.
because she was everything.
and when she left.
she left me with
longing
Wanting
sadness
desire
lonesomeness
the most unquenchable need to feel that again.
to never stop feeling that.



I always felt like I was seconds away from losing it.
now I feel like I've lost it all.