The Truth

They say people die everyday and I agree but I also agree that no matter how many times one may tell themselves that, it doesn't make the death of an individual more bare able and easy to brush off the shoulder. Just like it is not as easy to forget your love, no matter how much you tell yourself it's okay to let go and to move on. People tell me it is okay, everything is okay as if hearing that automatically just calms me down and makes me feel better, but it doesn't I would much rather wish to hear the sad reality so that I could smile and say okay even though deep down I wish you would have told me that lie. People cry and I cry but people cry in situations that I feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and not ready to cry in, that instead of crying  I joke and look for that so called silver lining when in fact I do want to cry I do want to feel the right emotion for once and I do want to be okay with tears breaking free and spreading their wings only to soar towards the light of freedom, but I just cant. They say religion is a lie that many take to escape the sad reality of the world as if religion is a drug, but I know it's not and I know there is a God and Jesus and devil as well as angels and fallen angels, yet no matter what I find myself thinking of sinful thoughts and doubting the truth I know is true and I wish I didn't but yet I do and I know why the devil and that's all there is to it. I know feeling is normal but what's wrong with me. I know feelings are okay to show and express, but writing is somehow my only way to express these feelings so I'm sorry if I don't act like I preach but I hope I did because I want to be those girls in the movies who cry and get angry and etc.. yet sadly that's not me. So, no I just can't, it's not easy. And though I like lying to myself and others I just can't lie no more what's the point..., exactly no point. But at the same time I can't give up or in I just need to continue with life like I did with being bullied. Like I did with heart wrenching truth. Heartbreak. Loss of friends. Loss of loved ones. Anger. Sadness. Being forgotten. And such forth. Because if there's one thing I've learned from our messed up society is that quitting is never the answer. Never quit and just do it. So here's what I have to say. I'll leave you on this note.  What are we. We are wildcats and we are survivors. And we are Flawed.
And I am me, deal with it.