Chapter 17

Chapter 17  

Nick knew he was back, but didn’t open his eyes to check.

Tears continued to stream down his face, rolling backwards onto Erica’s sheets. He did nothing to stay their journey.

He was trying hard to calm himself, but he wasn’t getting anywhere fast. Thinking about that fateful day always left him emotionally pressed, but watching it unfold before him was a thousand times worse. He could only begin to imagine what Erica was thinking.

Nick felt Erica return at his side. She had laid down next to him in the bed, having leaned down when they entered the memory.

Erica sat up and left the bed, leaning up against one of the walls to steady herself. She was probably waiting for Nick to make the first move, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need to hear her words. They would only be the words he constantly berated himself with day after day.

Criminal…Traitor…Cold Hearted…Murderer…

“Nick,” Erica said quietly. What was her tone? Sadness? Fear? Anger? Nick couldn’t tell. He didn’t know if he actually wanted to know.

Nick didn’t move or acknowledge her. He continued to lay on the bed, letting the tears flow unchecked across his face.

“Nick,” Erica said again, this time moving closer. She laid a hand down on his leg, but Nick jerked away, suddenly frightful.

“No,” he said, sitting up. “Don’t touch me.”

Erica took a tentative step backwards, but continued to stare at him. Nick sat up off the bed and made for the door. However, as he opened it, the door was seized from his hands and thrown shut once more.

“Nick, don’t leave,” Erica said. Nick turned and was startled by what he saw. Erica was on the verge of tears herself.

“Why?” he thought. “Why isn’t she telling me to leave? She should hate me right now.”

Nick sighed heavily. “Now you see what I really am,” he said quietly. “I’m nothing but a murderer.”

Erica stayed quiet for a moment, then spoke. “Is that why you suppress your powers?” she asked. “You’re scared of what you can do? You’re scared that you will lose control again.”

A new wave of tears flowed down Nick’s face. It seemed like a good enough response, because there was no way he could tell her the real reason. It would only hurt worse saying it aloud. Out of habit more than anything, he reached for his glasses, but once more, Erica stopped him.

“I’m not letting you hide behind those things anymore,” Erica said. “You don’t need to hide.”

Nick nodded. “Control,” he croaked. “That’s it.”

Erica wouldn’t be so easily fooled. “I told you I would know if you were lying,” she said. She leaned in closer, fixing her gaze on Nick’s. A tear finally welled over in her eye and rippled down her face as she concentrated on him.

“She’s reading my mind again,” Nick thought. “Is nothing sacred anymore?”

“Guilt,” she said suddenly, causing Nick’s heart to skip a beat.

Nick turned and punched the wall, causing the room to rattle. Erica had struck the nail directly on the head. Guilt was his vice. “How would you feel about using your powers if you killed Tom with them?!” he cried, his built up emotion suddenly crashing forth like water through a dam. “Every time I use them, it’s nothing but guilt! Like I’m forsaking him memory…”

Nick trailed off and collapsed back on the bed, holding his face in his hands as he sobbed. The emotion had gone as soon as it had come. The rage was gone, leaving only pain to take its place.

Erica sat down on the bed beside him and put her arm around his shoulders. Nick tensed up beneath her touch. “Why?” he breathed. “Why don’t you hate me? You know who I am now. You know what I’ve done.”

“You’re right, I do know what you’ve done,” Erica said flatly. “You made a mistake. A terrible, horrible, awful mistake, but a mistake none the less. You have been eating yourself alive inside for the past ten years because of that one day.”

Erica paused as Nick continued to sob, as if she was choosing her words carefully. “Don’t let the past drag you down when you still have a life worth living.”

“But I killed him,” Nick responded between sobs. “He was just a kid, and I killed him…” Watching the memory had been a mistake. It was like it just happened all over again. Only this time, he could do nothing to stop it.

“Nick, you didn’t mean to! I’m sure if Joe was here, he wouldn’t want you eating yourself alive over something you never wanted to happen…”

“But he’s not here!” Nick cried out. “He’s not here because of me! My parents lost two sons that day. I never bothered going back to explain what happened. Only Joe knew about my powers. How could I have explained it to them? So I ran, and they’re better off for it. Who wants to have a murderer living under their roof?”

“You never talked to your parents?” Erica asked, shocked.

“No. They probably think I’m dead, and it’s better off that way. They probably think I was killed in the same explosion that killed Joe.”

Erica looked at him questioningly, forcing Nick to explain. “Enhanced Division cover up at work. Minus said Joe died in a gas explosion. I guess the story they spun in Washington wasn’t their first time covering for something terrible I’ve done.”

Erica frowned, but didn’t say anything on the subject. “You could use your powers back then?”

Nick nodded. “I could control them without any issue. You asked me to do something, and I wouldn’t have a problem with it. After that day, though, I tried my best to never use them again. Which leads…” he gestured down at himself. “…to the train wreck you see before you.”

Nick stayed silent, wishing Erica would stop asking questions so he could be alone in his own self-pity, but she wasn’t done. “Why did you become Dark Angel then?”

“What?” Nick croaked, looking up at her.

“Why did you become Dark Angel? You didn’t use your powers, but you became a hero anyway. Why?”

Nick sighed heavily. “It’s my attempt at repentance,” he said. “Joe always thought I would make a great superhero, and I never had the heart to tell him otherwise. I did it for him. It’s also why I joined the team. I thought I could help more people. For Joe.” He sighed. “Guess I was wrong with that too.”

Erica took a small breath before continuing. “Nick, you became a hero for Joe. You joined the Enhanced Division for Joe. Now use your powers for Joe. If you use them to help others, you won’t be forsaking anything.”

“It’s not that easy,” Nick said. “Joe is dead because of me. I won’t let anyone else die because I can’t control it. Just look at you! You almost died because of me!”

“Control comes in time,” Erica said quietly. “And I don’t blame you for what happened in Washington. You were scared, but you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You’re not alone.”

Nick’s sobs gradually slowed as his breathing steadied. Somehow, Erica alone had been what it took to calm him down. In any other scenario, Nick would have used some half-baked pick up line about her making a great therapist and if she could give him a checkup, but for once, his mind wasn’t on trying to be sly or crafty. His mind was on Erica, and how lucky he was that behind her stoic exterior, she had a heart.

Their time together had been enlightening. Her words had made sense to him. He had always avoided using his powers out of respect for Joe. He felt guilt and shame in using them when they so easily snuffed out the life of his only brother.

But he didn’t have to suppress them any longer. Erica was right. He would learn how to use his powers, but not for himself. It would be for Joe. He would become the most powerful Enhanced ever and save innocent lives for Joe.

After all, ten years of not using his powers had left him no better off than he was in the beginning. Perhaps using them for good would help him come to peace. For the first time in days, Nick felt genuinely pleased. He saw a clear path in front of him; Learn for Joe.

He was truly thankful Erica listened, but uneasiness still processed him. Opening up was something that was very unnatural to him, and even now, after everything he had shown and told Erica, talking about his past still shot alarm bells through his head. There was a limit as to how far he was willing to go, and he had almost reached it. He wasn’t going to let Erica delve any more into his mind today. 

“I don’t know if I will be able to use them,” Nick said slowly, hesitating slightly as he spoke. “I’ve spent this long suppressing them. It’s not a switch you can turn on and off.”

“You can learn,” Erica said. “But the first step is admitting you want to learn. You can’t try and suppress them anymore.”

Nick sighed and paused a moment before answering. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all anyone can ask,” Erica replied. They sat in silence on her bed for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company. Nick could almost pretend he was just spending time with a friend. Almost.

Erica had been keen to help, but were they truly friends? He didn’t know. Friendship wasn’t something he was used to, so he didn’t feel he could make that call.

He looked over at Erica, who returned his gaze. She always seemed so reclusive, just like himself. She would be a hard nut to crack if they were going to call each other friends.

“So,” Nick said, rubbing his eyes and trying his best to return to his normal self. “Have you ever shared a memory with someone before or am I just that special?”

Erica sighed and punched him lightly in the arm. “And just like that, the moment is gone.”

Nick chuckled softly, causing a small smile to work its way onto her face.

Nick was amazed by the difference it made. Suddenly, Erica didn’t seem like her normal cold self, but she was once more a girl with not a worry in the world.

Nick smiled. He knew the smile would vanish eventually, but until then, he was going to soak it in while he still could.

 

They sat in silence for a few more moments before Nick finally spoke up.

“Okay, I need something to get my mind off this,” Nick said. “It’s my turn to ask you a question. I told you something at great emotional cost, now you have to tell me something.”

Erica froze and stared at him. “Okay…” she said apprehensively. She knew what was coming. Blackwell. That was the only thing he could possibly ask about, and she still wasn’t sure if she could talk about him.

“Hypocrite,” she thought to herself. “You just spent the past few days trying to get Nick to finally come out and truth you and you can’t even talk about…him.”

But it was different, right? As Erica thought about it more, she realized there was no difference between them. They both had their demons they didn’t wish to talk about, but Nick had. If anything, Nick had it even harder than she. No one had been there for him the past ten years. Countless people had tried to help her. Everyone from Fox to Tom and even Minus (who she rejected immediately) had offered their support. She rejected most of it, but still, there were people in her life who cared.

She finally made up her mind. Fox’s words were fresh in her memory, urging her to try her best. If Nick asked about Blackwell, she would answer, no matter how much emotional distress it caused her.

“Because I’m stronger than this,” she thought forcefully. “I will get over it.”

Nick went to speak and Erica braced herself for the inevitable question she would be asked. 

“How did the CIA find you and Tom?”

Erica blinked a few times. That wasn’t what she was expecting. Not even close. “What?” she asked.

“How did the CIA find you and Tom?” Nick repeated.

She had heard correctly. He wasn’t asking about Blackwell at all. Erica perked up a little, happy to not have to talk about him. Then she instantly scolded herself. That type of thinking would only send her in emotional spirals again. Maybe not this time, but another time, she would open up about him.

“Okay,” she said. “It’s actually quite a funny story.”

“I can use more humor in my life,” Nick said, leaning back. “Wow me.”

“Well,” Erica began. “The others probably told you Tom and I were in a bunch of foster homes as kids. Our parents died when we were very little and so we only had each other for a long time. The day the CIA found us, Tom and I actually ran away from our last home.”

“Why?” Nick inquired.

“They were going to split us up. I was going to one foster home and he was going to another. Tom wasn’t going to have any of it and decided we should run instead. He was about sixteen and I was fourteen.”

“Wait, if you were fourteen that means this happened ten years ago! You’ve been here for ten years?”

“Yeah,” Erica said as a nostalgic smile worked its way to her face. “It hasn’t seemed like that long but I guess it has been. Anyway, we were walking down the street, trying to decide what we were going to do when…”

Erica paused. How had she forgotten he was in this story?! Nick hadn’t even asked about Blackwell, but it looks like she was going to have to talk about him anyway.

“When…what?” Nick asked.

“We ran into… Blackwell,” Erica finished. She said his name. Step one complete. “He had turned down a side street and Tom thought he looked a little shady. He was glancing behind him a lot and wearing all black on a hot day, so he decided we should follow him. Tom always has had a hero complex, so he was always looking for ways to play the good guy. By this time, he had started to discover his powers but I still hadn’t. Anyway, we followed him as he went in a store and Tom walked up to him.”

“This should be good,” Nick said, chuckling slightly.

“It was. Tom walked up to Blackwell and told him this city was under his protection so if he tried anything, he would have to go through him first.”

“Really?” Nick asked, on the verge of full laughter. “He walked up to a complete stranger and said that? How cheesy can you get?”

“Yeah,” Erica said, stifling a laugh. “Blackwell laughed too. He said he admired Tom’s enthusiasm. Then he leaned in close and said people with powers should really stick together.”

“He knew you had powers?” Nick asked. “How?”

“It’s really quite easy,” Erica answered. “He was reading Tom’s thoughts and could see his brain was more powerful than a normal person. It was one of the first abilities I learned too.”

It was a pretty easy ability. When she first met Nick, she knew instantly he was an Enhanced. The power his mind radiated was unlike anything she felt since, well, Blackwell.

“Anyway,” Erica continued. “Tom didn’t believe him at first, but then Blackwell pulled his phone from his pocket and caused it to levitate. Let’s just say Tom and I were hooked right there.”

“So Blackwell took you to the CIA?”

“Yeah,” Erica answered. “And we’ve been here ever since.”

“Story with a happy ending. I like it. There aren’t enough of those.”

Erica didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure it had a happy ending just yet. Suddenly, shock descended on her as she realized something. She had just talked about Blackwell calmly and had barely hesitated. In her elation, she let out a small involuntary laugh, which Nick picked up on.

“What?” he asked. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Erica answered quickly, but the smile didn’t leave her face. Somehow, talking to Nick had removed all inhibitions from her mind. She was able to talk about Blackwell without thinking twice about it. She would have to tell Fox when she went to see him. He would probably think it was funny.

“Anyway, I am kind of starving, so I’m going to get something to eat,” Nick said, standing up. “Care to join me?”

“Maybe later,” Erica responded. “I promised a friend I would go talk to him in a little bit.”

Nick smiled and walked towards the door, but paused as he grasped the handle. He turned back around, attempting to smile, but it died on the corners of his mouth. “Thank you Erica,” he said softly. “For listening. And for not hating me.”

“Anytime,” Erica replied.

“And Erica,” Nick said as he opened the door. “If you’re up to it, I would still like to learn from you. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” Erica said with a smile. “Of course.”

Nick smiled and exited, leaving her alone with her thoughts, allowing her to finally absorb everything that had just happened. She had finally gotten Nick to open up to her, and the results has shocked her, but the mystery was answered. Well, one mystery. She still had a whole host of questions in her head, but one was okay for now.

But even though Nick had seemed cheery enough, she could tell his thoughts were still conflicted. He seemed to have accepted her help, but he was still holding back, retreating into himself to heal and not relying on others. She would have to work on him.

She was also happy she was finally starting to get over Blackwell, but a little voice had begun to speak in the back of her mind. She tried her best to quiet it, but it grew louder as she lay in her room alone.

Do you really want to get over Blackwell?