Youth

This poem is about savoring life and how your petty boyfriend/girlfriend problems are getting in the way!

Damsel in denim perched ,on a park bench at 9pm
In an attempt to console her, I extended my hand,

Said mother "the swallows had left the nest at noon"
Said conscience "our lives could very well end soon"

Her boyfriend, she insists, had destroyed all her dreams,
And her father had rubbed salt in her wounds it seemed,

Honestly, her words were laden with blahs and self-pity,

So I paused her rant so we could succumb to the city,

"There are many roads to take, why trod only one,"
"Why sink in the drama when you can just have fun?"

So we cavorted through mindlessness, we dabbled in dumb,
And we were young,
And we were young,

And we strapped on our rocket boots,
And we pranced the night in our birthday suits,
And we saw ourselves on the telly screen,
And we pointed our fingers saying ‘he started it”
And we knew we would be beheaded in time,
And we couldn’t make out the fuzzy lines,
And we rolled in the dirt swatting imaginary flies,
And we possessed our old selves until the body died,

And we painted the town with purple love,
And we shared French kisses under watchful stars,
And we were young,
And we were young,

And we licked our fingers clean of the mess,
And we frolicked in lamp lights with no goal for nests,
And we jumped off the bridge and forgot all our stress,
And we pledged celibacy in a state of undress,
And we batted our eyelids if we couldn’t see jaws,
And we had no trouble escaping the law,
And we were full of mistakes but we reveled in flaws,
And we ran all the stop signs in search for the back door,

And we’re one big assumption for them to cringe at,
And we burn paper trails on our hometown home welcome mats,
And we’ve grass stains on our blue jeans and dirt on our sleeves,
And we know what we’re saying, we just don’t know what it means,
And we swig the bottle at your orders and with chagrin we leave,
And we fizzle under moonlit routines that resurrect our dreams,

A young adult adjusts herself on a park bench at 6 in the morn,
Her cheeks were flushed pink and her hemline was torn,

But she was laced with a grin and her posture relaxed,

The night had unwound her nerves and misaligned her back,

"The drama just sags and the confrontations wring me out,"
Said she, "F**k Lucas, my boyfriend, and whoever brings me down,"

I watched as her life began to creep back into her face,
She slid out of her coat of troubles to face the new day,

So we soldiered through hardships, we more than just survived,
And we are alive,
And we are alive.

Author's Note

Bash this work! Critique, I mean...

Reviews

[CecilA]

Hazim,

I really like this. It has nice rhythm.

Suggestions:

'And we strapped on our our rocket boots.' See if youwould like deleting all those 'ands' until you get to 'And we were young' and the 'And we are alive.' I believe these are good 'ands' but the others seem to slow down the read.

'We possessed our old selves until the body died.' How about 'until our bodies died.'?

'We were full of mistakes but we reveled in flaws.' How about ' and we reveled in flaws.'?

'And we ran all the stop signs in search for the back door.' This line was a road bump for me and I lost my train of thought. It was really going well until then.

'We burn paper trails on our hometown home welcome mats.' How about dropping 'home'?

'She slid out of her coat of troubles to face a new day.' How about 'She slipped on her coat of troubles to face the new day.

Would you consider adding another stanza between 'She slipped on ---.' and 'So we soldiered through ------,' It could be the feelings of the guy about how he felt after she slipped on her coat of troubles. Perhaps questioning whether this delicious adventure would ever happen again and his desire that it would. Or how about his fear that she would return to Lucas and the fear of loosing her forever. However, your ending is great as it stands.

Great poetry. I appreciate opportunity to read and review it.

Do you have any special plans for Christmas?

Sincerely, Cecil

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really liked this early on...gave a little too much towards the end, especially with the name...

because it is more universal until that...

we listen, we sympathize, and then we get tired of hearing it...because we feel she is immersed in self-pity and would rather feel that than get herself free...

i have a friend like this...love her to death...but she won't change her situation..just wants to rant about it...and get consoled, constantly.

and we are only young once, and should make the best of it...which means not staying in bad situations, but playing the field until we find the right player to hook up with.

jacob