Eschew and Eke

I wrote this a while ago, but recently, I've decided to write a story based on this poem. It's about me evading responsibility and finally having to step up to the plate. I love rhymes though it can

Eschew and Eke

Forests of evasive retorts,

Clinging onto the hem of your cohorts,

Grandfather clocks ticking angrily now,

Sensing concern from the slope of your brow,

Minutes dwindling as a form of last resort crowns,

Another scapegoat prince for your ghost town,

Expound fishing efforts for red herrings,

You listen to their dress shoes tapping,

Intertwined once, currently unraveling,

Papa’s suitcases faded from years spent traveling,

His speech is dusted off for another explanation,

Yet, you turn your head away, sink into abbreviations,

That rehash themselves as fragments of forgotten creations,

Subliminally, the same distracting words,

Are the same familiar sounds ringing your ears,

Mr. Wildebeest, won’t you lead the sorry herd,

No more running, the lines were not always blurred,

Slowly,

Slowly,

Slowly,

Step into his shoes and adjust your soles,

Lessons come hard as long as you uphold,

His sweat,

Her tears,

Yourself.

Author's Note

Feel free to bash my work! Honestly!

Reviews

[CecilA]

Well Hazim,

I can't imagine why anyone would want to bash this well thought out and well written poem.

Your words convey your inner self vividly. I can relate to your writing. It's intense and filled with honest emotion.

I am very interested in reading your story which you develop from the poem.

Being writers we strive for perfection and I sense your intent to pursue perfection in this piece. Keep in mind there is no such thing. Unless God writes a book we will never read perfection. Most of all, we write to be read. I believe we live to share the words struggling to make their way from our teeming brains to our finger tips or tongues. Once there, we struggle again to send them on their way to the eyes and ears of our intended audience. Even then, we are not satisfied because of the logjam of words awaiting their freedon.

We are a cursed lot because words become our masters. They require neither food nor rest. Relentlessly they push to be written or spoken at our expense. Like an incurable cancer, they will utimately consume each of us.

If you believe that you can endure the process; write on. Otherwise; run like hell.

Keep up the good work and thank-you for sharing 'Eschew and Eke' with me.

Sincerely,

Cecil

[Hazim Haemoglobin]

Wow! Thank you for reading and providing feedback! I didn't really expect anybody to read since I'm fairly new. This poem seems to be very polarizing. Some like it. Others think the rhyming is forced and that I'm letting the rhythm dictate me.

Why do so many poets look down on rhyme? Haha. I understand that it comes across as childish sometimes but I find it helps me avoid losing focus when I write poems. Oh well.

I grew up on Agatha Christie, Norton Juster, Eva Ibbotson, Philip Pullman, CS Lewis and so on. When I write, it feels great being able to let loose whatever's on my brain but then I read my work aloud and it feels a bit silly. Everything seems to pale in comparison to everything else out there.

Anyway, thank you for the input. I sincerely appreciate it. I am off to read your work. I've already read Nothing Fancy and shall be commenting on it. Thank you again!

Regards,
Hazim.

[CecilA]

Regarding rhyme: for some reason there has been a tendancy to just write poetry without regard to the beauty of rhyme and rhythm. I love the agreement of sounds between words which rhyme provides. It takes a lot of work; perhaps that's why there is so little of it. Rythm, providing alternating beats of the words, actually enhances the the meaning of poetry to me. It also takes a lot of work. Not all poetry should necessarily rhyme and have a rhythm but too much of it is just babble.

Plus they make it easier to remember. Poe's 'The Bells' have been embeded in my brain since grade school.

I have an update to make on my Writing. I am going to make Chapter 1 my Introduction. Chapter 1 will be a flashback. It's one of my first stories but it helped me get started; hopefully on the right path.

[Hazim Haemoglobin]

Well, noticed that as people grow older, they grow more and more weary of rhyme, deeming it childish and unsophisticated. I also love the agreement of sounds. I was reading some posts on a writer's forum and it was agreed (there) that a writer shouldn't strive down to write at the level of the reader but rather, the reader should rise up and that rhyme is considered 'dumbing down'.

Anyway, regarding your story (I commented), it's on the right path and I hope to read more. I'm really frustrated with mine but I know you'll have better luck articulating your thoughts in written form!