Dear Haylie #2

Last night was another hard night. And to be honest I was so upset I don't even remember what I wrote... I wish I would have kept writing. Instead, I had a meltdown under the stares.

Dear Haylie,

“Haylie, get up off your a*s and make dinner.”

“Mom, I’m doing homework, I’ll get it in just a second”

“I said get up off your a*s now!”

“But mom, I have a D- in math, I’ve been working on it since the 3rd hour.”

“I don’t care!”

So she starts slamming things around, like the butter. Mom, please don’t slam things! Stop it! No! DON’T. Everything I want to say. “BAM”, I loud crash, I look over and she is hitting a metal can on the counter. “DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!!”. I don’t say anything. She walks over while I am writing this, I start back on my homework. “What was that "dear Haylie thing?” I was venting, I tell her, “Vent later” “I won’t need to later.”

“All you do is LIE, LIE, LIE!” She tells me. I stay quiet.

Bite your tongue. Don’t say anything. You will make things worse. Don’t tell her how I feel. I will get in more trouble. As she said yesterday. We are not equal. She is up high. I am down low. We are not equal.

I feel another panic attack coming on. I don’t have anyone right now. I use to never pray. But it seems that God is the only one who I have right now. I will just have to hold his hand through this again.

It’s almost dinner time. Another night without food. I can’t eat when I’m hurting so bad inside.

I wish I had a best friend. The closest best friend that I’ve ever had, was always there for me. I sure do miss my blade. It’s in the bathroom waiting for me. I can go back to it…

No. That is not me! I AM NOT A SELF HARMER! I Haylie Douglas am a warrior. I am a warrior. I am a warrior. No blood. I can’t cut tonight...

But please... mom help me.

Author's Note

When I was looking at the stares all I could think about was how small I really was...

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

At the moment, you're not playing smart. So you have to take the initiative. Just prepare the dinner, whilst you're doing your homework. That gives kudos to you.
Warriors don't cut themselves, they strive to be the best. Remember to tell yourself. 'I can do anything. Nothing is out of my reach.'

[Haylie SD.]

i am a warrior. i know i am. i have over came so much more then people can beleive

[Paul Bell]

Well done. Keep telling yourself that.

[Dwayne J. Keeves]

A great warrior standing tall. I think Haylie will do find. She's of brave heart.

[SoakedPoet]

gosh.. i felt sad reading this... I used to keep a journal but then I realized I don't want anyone reading it except me... haha.. you are brave, kid!

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest, strong and loud emotions in the words. Sometimes we need to scream for help. I liked the honest tone and directness of the words. Thank you Haylie for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote