White

White

A Poem by Hayley

I am sugar 


I lingered on your tongue

For one second (too long) 


(But I swear your bright eyes 

 Caught white fire)


I sifted through your fingertips 

Like a dusting of snow

While you watched 


You forget about me

(As I try to forget about you)

© 2012 Hayley


Author's Note

Hayley
I know it may need some work, but I had to get it out.

My Review

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Featured Review

Oh Hayley! What an absolute pleasure to visit you again. There is so much charm in this poem. So beautiful. So gorgeous. You truly have an exceptional gift. And I am not saying this just for the heck of it. I really mean it.

I am sugar
I lingered on your tongue
For one second (too long)

Too short, because it was so good while it lasted. But too long, because it did not stop you from falling in love. I think even if you hadn't written more this would have been a great poem.

"Your bright eyes caught white fire"
I see surprise here. And anger as well, or resentment perhaps.

"I sifted through your fingertips"
This is so delicate. And so natural. You just move away before you even realize what's happening....

"Like a dusting of snow"
Snow is ephemeral. It never makes a permanent impression. There is pain implicit in this line I feel. Very delicate and subtle. Very feminine, as someone below has pointed out.

Perhaps there is more to it, but this in my opinion is the gist of it. It's very evocative. I'm still a little dazed by the magic of the first three lines. You are not sugar, Hayley, you are gold!

God bless you! Keep penning!



Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

sensual and very, very intriguing..........

Posted 12 Years Ago


Perhaps there are simply not enough words to express every one of the thoughts which inspired this poem, but what you have given us speaks volumes about what it feels like to love. I read this work and felt a void and felt as if there was a realm without form or shape. I guess its because as an artist I've always viewed white paper as the seed that gives birth to something beautiful. That gave me a lot of hope that beautiful colors of life will emerge and this void will exist in all of it's glorious potential. This poem really touched me. It is exquisite work.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Needs more work. I personality can't see alot of feeling, but that may just be me. It is a good start, though.

Posted 12 Years Ago


I like it and see no extra work needed... So much is said within the few lines.. love and lost love.
Wonderful poem.

Chloe

Posted 12 Years Ago


Had to come back and read this one again. Fantastic

Posted 12 Years Ago


Darling poetry such as this is a fine example of purity. I am not sure if what I typed makes any sense but it was a good read.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is so thoughtful! The fact that your poem always conveys a deeper meaning underneath makes it all the more special to read your work! I think this poem talks about the temporary relationships that we form out of convenience in the fast lanes of lived.. we use each other and then choose to forget when it's over... without a look back.... this poem does a great job in challenging one's imagination.... thanks for the read :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Strong description open the door to thoughts and vision. I enjoy your poetry. Make me think. Thank you for sharing you amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago


this is a short one and yet it has such a lengthy process to it...process of mind, does that sound right?...anyways a poetic expression that excells...nice work Haley...

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on March 5, 2012
Last Updated on March 5, 2012

Author

Hayley
Hayley

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I'm a 21-year-old undergraduate college student majoring in business. I'm not on the cafe as much as I would like to be. Don't be a stranger. Side note: I do not rate writing. This is eye-op.. more..

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